A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I'm eighteen years old and about to go to college. The problem is that my boyfriend doesn't want me to go, because he hasn't finished high school yet. I think it will take him three years to finish, and I don't want to go to a community college that's bound to shut down in the meantime.I told my boyfriend that I wanted to go to Hawaii (I'm from a much smaller island) so that I don't have to worry about my credentials looking that bad as a professional. Hawaii's my top choice also because my sister lives there, and it'd be easier for me to get a place with her there than anywhere else. In the meantime, my boyfriend is worried that I will fall for someone else at college and that I won't come back for him. I'm less worried about that, because I already proposed a solution. I told my boyfriend that I'd go to Hawaii, and he'd stay here, and whatever happens between the time I leave and get back is okay, because we'd be separated anyway and it only makes sense that he would have sex with another girl, cause I was gone. Sorry if I don't make sense or anything, but the gist is: Is it okay for me to tell my boyfriend that he can be with any girl (and I can be with any guy) while I'm at Hawaii? My idea is that if I came back to this little island single, and he was single then we'd get back together, but I have a feeling I'm abandoning him and asking permission to cheat on him or something. (Mind you, I don't plan on having any more relationships/hook-ups once I get to Hawaii.) :( Help, please.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 April 2013):
 Wait so you are talking about just opening the relationship up or just looking the other way or casual dating?
Here is my take
break off the monogamous relationship but stay "friends" so that it's not an all or nothing thing.
then you are not cheating
and as you grow and mature your not contacting him daily will be easier on him and you....
if you are 18 and he has three years... that makes him what? 15... in three years he won't even be the same person and neither will you.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 April 2013):
 I think it's a dumb idea, if the two of you don't think you can do a LDR and stay faithful, then break up now. Who knows maybe in the future you will met up again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2013): is it a good idea to allow my wife to sleep with other men when im at work? down the supermarket? theres your answer.
This is a crazy idea! Move on. you cant allow your boyfriend to sleep with other people and then expect it to mean nothing to him emotionally and then get back with you in due course as if nothing had happened.
Crazy!
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A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (1 April 2013):
 Basically you are breaking up with him just phrasing it differently. Breaking up with him is a good idea, I went to university with a boyfriend at home - bad idea, and my friends in similar situations said the same. Go to college free and single, learn, have fun, grow... If when you return he is single, you are single and you both have feelings then go for it!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 April 2013):
 3 years to finish high school ? ...How old is he ?
Anyway it's a dumb idea, in fact it is a non- idea, either you are a couple or you aren't. If you can't stay mutually committed, or you can't handle long distance, fine, not many people could or would at your age, just break up and what will be will be, if it's meant to be at some point in future you'll be back together again.
" It only makes sense for him to be with another girl because you were gone " ? ... Yes ? See if it still makes sense when a future bf or husband will tell you this to explain why he was shagging , say, the neighbour next door while you were spending the weekend at your parents'.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 April 2013):
 Its a terrible idea. Either you stay together 100% and no affairs, or you break up. I think it would be best for you two to break up, since you expect that neither of you are capable or interested in being faithful. Either you are together or you arent. There is no inbetween.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2013): Woah woah woah sister stop the train. Trust me, cheating, under ANY circumstance, is NOT the way to help a relationship, ESPECIALLY long distance which is hard enough.I've been cheated on and you never really get it back, you still think about him with other girls even after a long time. And letting him cheat is like allowing a dog to beg for table scraps, its annoying, makes you feel bad, and worst of all it becomes a habit. You need to tell him that its not okay and you want to stay faithful because you love and care for him. Long distance relationships are hard so you need to work for them, texting, skyping, writing, e-mailing which is kinda hard to do if he's getting busy with the girl down the street every other night. Things wouldn't be the same when you saw each other again and the special bond you to share will be broken. I really hope your boyfriend wasn't really goin to take you up on this offer. Its good that he doesn't want you withsomeone else. A long distance will be hard but THAT isn't the answer. Just sit him down and tell him how you really feel. Communication is key. I wish yo good luck with your guy and at college. Sincerely Yours-BeenThereBefore.
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