A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm mortified my partner has gone away for a weekend with a mate we have chatted every day like normal and made plans to go on a mini break togetherExcept tonight he sent me a message asking me if we are meant to be together I asked him why he was asking that and he said he felt the relationship had gone stale. I said we'll we both need to work we have a 1 year old son and he's at work a lot so it is hard to make time for each other I told him I felt the same but I wanted to work on things He then went on to say that I wasn't fit enough for sex I don't know weather he meant physically or actually attractive. There has been cheating in the past I forgave him but I'm worried its about that.We were only talking about trying for another baby the other day I don't know what to say I thought we were happy. But I was wrong. I don't know what I should do but I feel like he does this all the time he said Is make the perfect wife if he was older but he's not ready for all of this he's 23 btw and I'm 24Should I just ask him to leave my house and be civil for our son or should I try work on things he's back tomorrow it's spineless for him to do this whilst he's abroad
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (1 April 2013):
 ok so things are good when you are together
he went away for a weekend with a mate... a guy I assume... a single guy? no wonder he got all drunk and pissy about wanting to be apart.
Maybe when he returns all sober and contrite you can say
NO to a baby.
and YES to some couples counseling to figure out what's going on and see if you even want to make it work.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 April 2013):
 I'm wondering why you are putting up with all his antics. Just because he fathered your child doesn't mean you HAVE to take all that crap from him.
And PLEASE do NOT add a second baby right now, this relationship is far from stable, why add another kid to this? All that will do is making it HARDER for you to raise not one, but two kids on your own.
He can still be your child's dad and NOT live with you.
YOU have to figure out what YOU want.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2013): Original poster
In regards to the having another baby it was him who asked me. He was the one who announced to our friends and family we were having another baby.
He asked me if he could go on holiday I was more than happy as I'm going on a mini break with friends too.
He's apologised to me for the way he acted when drunk yesterday but I'm obviously upset.
I do believe you can remain faithful if you have cheated I have I am just insecure from that.
We are going to talk about how he feels and I feel tonight he obviously brought up issues and I'd rather speak and make up my mind but I do think I deserve a man who won't act like a child.
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A
female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (1 April 2013):
 How did your conversation about trying for another baby go? Try to think back, and answer that question as honestly as possibly. If I had to guess from the little bit of information you've typed here, I'd say that conversation was probably you enthusiastically asking if he wants to have another child and him responding ambiguously.
I'm sorry to say this does not sound like a relationship that will last. It may be easier and more comfortable for you to stay with him, but it is in no way healthy for you or, in the long term, the child.
Is this guy a loving father? My sister is a single mother with a baby a little younger than yours. The child's father is obviously no longer in a relationship with my sister, but the two remain civil so that he can still be a part of his daughter's life while having a happy, healthy one of his own (which neither he nor my sister could have if they'd stayed together; it just wasn't working out). So, things don't have to be a giant whirlwind if you two do breakup.
Good luck to you! I hope you can find it in you to delineate what you value and expect in a relationship so that you can be confident in what you'll accept in a relationship next time around.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 April 2013):
 How dumb is this, that's going on between you and him????
You (and he) have spawned a child.... but he gets to act like a 5-year old child in the school yard???? .... and YOU give him "passes" for his infantile behaviour?????
Put his "feet to the fire" and tell him that you EXPECT HIM to be a partner (to you) and a FATHER (to his son) and that there is NO COMPROMISING this... such as by him going off for a weekend with his "mate(s)."
Wake up!!!! You (and he) are in your 20's.... so it's REALLY not too much to ask that the two of you act like ADULTS, when it comes to how you behave toward one-another.
Good luck... and, get a spine!!!!
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (1 April 2013):
 Hi
It does sound like he is distancing himself from you, he is away from home this weekend and its a pretty low game to ring you and announce those things in a phone call.
He should have considered being too young before having a child, he can't change the fact he is a father.It would be crazy to have another baby when he is saying he 'isn't ready for all this'.
He can however be single, and if he feels he has missed out on dating then he will never be faithful to you. He's already cheated.
Don't let him bring you down, don't let him ruin your self esteem, you need to let him know you deserve better and won't forgive him cheating again.
If you do split up he has to be a dad still, so remind him of that fact.
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