A
female
age
41-50,
*ixieGwen
writes:I feel silly but I miss my ex. we had a great relationship but towards the end it sucked. We took a break cos he got too busy with school and work and neglected me. He promised itd change but it it didnt. So I said we should take a break. Ever since then, I feel he wanted it to b the same - we went back and forth, still hanging and sleeping together. He would still say I love u, miss u, dont want u dating others but he wouldn't do 100% and said he wanted to b with me but didnt think he could devote enough time to me. I felt like I chased him after we broke up, I also think he punished me for takin a break. I stopped chasing him and he called makin sure I was alive. I recently told him I felt jerked around, coyldnt understand y he bothers, or that he doesnt care. He said its not true. We argued.i also said if he wont try then neithervwill I. he was supposed to call the next day and didnt. He called a week later but I never called him back.its a week later, he hasnt tried calling. I guess I was mad and also I felt hed see how serious I am and fix things miss me...but I honestly feel hes waitin for me to cave and call him. I wouldnt even know what to say. I hate how it is between us and miss him...but I dont want him to think ill b here just waitin for him. Also he would call randomly saying things like hes seriously ill or might move across the country etc. I think he said these things fot attention. Cos we'd talk a week later and hed be fine or still living in the city. hes immature for 32 y/o and he works fulltime and school fulltime and doesnt know how to balance. anyhoo he hasnt called and a week ( I planned on ignoring his calls for a mo but - I miss him and dunno what id say if I called him after a mo. so is ignoring him the answer - to see if he cares, because nothing else worked w him...he didnt v take me seriously. Or what should I do?
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female
reader, PixieGwen +, writes (23 May 2011):
PixieGwen is verified as being by the original poster of the question If we were married or living together, atleast id see him daily, so there wouldnt need to b that extra time. I love sleeping next to him. Fuck I miss him. I hate that. Yeah he needs to learn how to balance. Not sure he ever will. I hope things get easier for u or that workout n I hope the same for myself. He talked bout the future alot, us gettin married, kids....i hate thinkin bout that. This whole thing bums me out. It seems like sucha easy fix to me. For some, like him...its prob not
A
male
reader, ironman777  +, writes (23 May 2011):
As you say its their choices - I chased after my girlfriend a number of times cause I'm head over heels in love with her, and even being separated for only a week is still really painful - its actually a pain in the pit of mt stomach cause I miss talking to her and just being with her - she probably feels the same way, but she does have her kids to keep her company - I've got kids also and they live with mum most of the time but I get them on Saturdays and for a few other hours during the week, So I know whats its like to think about the kids - thats why I'm not mad or angry about it, I fully understand. She knows that if she keeps thinking the way she does she will be alone and thats why she says it. But there is not enough emotional pain for her to want to switch voluntarily that's why I've decided not to make it easy for her either -she has to win me back this time - I have been hurt by her and while I want to always be open and free with my love towards her, she has to win back my trust that she means what she says and shows me loyalty and committment. I dont want to marry her as such, just that she committs to giving me back some love as well and letting me get closer to her with her kids along side her.
She's such a neat person - I could so see myself with her the rest of my life - I just dont know if she feels the same even though she did....
I'm working full time and am at university also about to go full time. Its hard to balance, but seriously he should be able to do it - thats what the night is for....sleep is so underrated.
He has to priortise some time to everything but learn to focus on one thing at a time. If he has time with you, then he should spend it with you and not worry about the rest of the stuff and likewise with his study etc.
Give him some time to get over his stress and he maybe ok in a month or so, but you may also have to accept that he is really really busy and may not have time - how would you accomodate that if you were married to him? What would need to change?
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A
female
reader, PixieGwen +, writes (23 May 2011):
PixieGwen is verified as being by the original poster of the questionits scary to love someone and be afraid to introduce them to your kids.. because what if it doesnt work out..? and then theres that fear of having the kids get attached.. only for you guys to break up and the kids get hurt.
But at the same time.. if she lives life like that, she'll never be able to be close to anyone. She should allow you to meet her kids, especially if you two really love each other.. and i think seein she does love you...she will come around to the idea of you meeting her kids..
i think a month or upto 3 months of no contact is fine.. i guess whatever you can handle..:)
i hate setting lil goals like that..cause i have trouble stickin to them..lol especially in this last relationship.
i love the guy and i dont feel he purposely meant to let our relationship go down the drain.
After i broke up with my bf, even though it was my idea.. i felt just as shitty as i did, when we were together.. actually i felt worse. i know this guy wants to be with me, i just think he doesnt know how to balance a ft job and school etc.. maybe he will realize how to do that someday and have me..and maybe he wont. i didnt think it was fair to ignore him. because ive been ignored before by another ex and it was the worse feeling. i wouldve preferred an email or a call with some closure. Plus, i love him and i felt it was sendin the wrong msg.. like i hate him or dont ever want to talk to him again and thats not even it.
I told him i dont know what happened between us..it was great and went down hill, that i miss the guy i met..who made time for me and was happy. that i cant fix what is currently making him unhappy, that i love him..and when and if he is ready to give our relationship another go - call me.. but only if hes serious.. not to play games with me or jerk me around. I told him maybe one day we could be friends.. down the road when im ready..
it was hard to put everything in an email..but the email was nice, simple, and he knows i still love him..and whether or not he wants to do something bout that is his choice.. either way i always find a bf (and no i didnt tell him that last part lol)
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A
male
reader, ironman777 +, writes (22 May 2011):
My girlfriend and I went on/off about ten times and it was her making the call all the time to break up - I got so gun shy I just couldnt stand it - its kinda a relief to clear the air - I still love her and hope we get back together for good but as you say I can also meet someone who likes me fully. funny I thought I would miss her so much and I did spend first couple of days moping round but I seem to have bounced back but guess give it a month or so - I said three months no contact? too long or not long enough? she has to work out if I get to meet her kids sometime otherwise she says shes going to live alone for ever - she really loves me also but we broke up cause shes scared of hurting her kids if I'm introduced.
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A
female
reader, PixieGwen +, writes (22 May 2011):
PixieGwen is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI decided just to let him know, not to call me anymore..unless hes serious about working things out. This back n forth thing is hurting me etc. if he had broken up with me, I would hate to be ignored....i ts the worst feeling. plus the idea of him calling n me ignoring his calls bugs me. I still care for him n do want to get back together but not how its been lately. So I let him know if he ever gets sorted out n wants to get back together THEN gimme a call. I guess thats my way of closure. If he chooses to continue being lame, thats fine because I said what I needed to say and will find someone else at some point. I tried ignoring him but only lasted a wk and thought bout him more than before I decided to ignore him - cos I felt bad/uneasy. Guess it sounds kinda silly
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A
female
reader, PixieGwen +, writes (22 May 2011):
PixieGwen is verified as being by the original poster of the questionim interested in getting back together only if he plans to be a good bf.. not how hes been acting recently.. hes only called once so far in a wk.. so if he calls me a bunch.. when do i return his calls? or how do i let him know to only contact me when he can be a good bf? i dont really want to date other people but.. if i have to..then there ya go..
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A
male
reader, ironman777 +, writes (21 May 2011):
I would say ignoring him is best for the time being, and those random calls he's making shows he's desparate as well to get back together with you also. However if you are to get back together, I would say he needs to do some hard thinking and decide what we wants with you and how is he going to show it to you.You also need to do some hard thinking - you need to work out ok if he does contact me in the near future, how will I handle it? Back to where you left off, back to dating or a fresh start? Have a think about it seriously so your prepared. Also this time is for you - go and have fun!Good luck
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