A
female
age
41-50,
*ixieGwen
writes:i broke up with my ex because he stopped spending time with me. he had a lot going on in his life, including being depressed and incredibly unhappy with himself (before all of that, we had a blast/great relationship and he talked about the future/possible kids./marriage etc). i tried being there for him and voicing my concerns, that i missed him and wanted to spend time with him etc. He said itd get better but it didnt..it seemed the more unhappy he was with his life, the more we drifted apart.its like he shut me out. ?After being together for 6-7 mo, I broke up with him, thinking itd bring me relief..but it brought me more heartbreak. He still continued to call me and we saw each other occasionally, hed tell me he loves me, dont date other guys etc..but still nothing changed. He got his job back, got a new car (those were part of the issues making him unhappy). so i thought itd change after that but it hasnt. Recently we were supposed to get together, and we had a mini argument the day before our plans, he was supposed to call the day of our plans but didnt until he called today (a week later). I ignored his call because im mad at him (ive never missed a call and not called back). He cant just jerk me around and i think he thinks ill be around forever because i love him. He calls me to worry me by telling me he might move cos of work or because a fam member is dying.. but hes still here, so i think its all BS just to see if i care.My q is..i would like to get back together, i just want him to miss me and want me back. I dont think he took me seriously before and i think by ignoring me..he might see that i am being serious that he needs to make effort in our relationship..if he wants to get back together..is ignoring him a bad idea, and how long should i ignore him for?im not a game playing kinda chick..but i was told that this is something i should do. its hard for me to know whats right because i never stay mad long, and im too soft especially when it comes to someone i love.
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broke up, depressed, get back together, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, natmarie  +, writes (13 May 2011):
 Well. that';s the chance you would have to take. Could you really really trust him 100% after his behaviour? he would have to be consistent for some months for you to even start relaxing a little? Maybe this is who he really is, and managed tohid it for 5 months. My ex Bf managed to hid it for around 2 months, and by that time I was totally in love with him, and could ot accept that actully he was a depressive, unreliable and emotionallly unstable. I have been on and off in a bad way since this time last year, I dread the day he calls again, as I can;t ignore him for long, but will try if it comes to it. It;s really hard, but you do need and deserve someone who's going to be there for you in the long term. See what he does. Give him another chance if you like, but I suspect that eventually you willl have had enough and will walk. His actions will show you. xx
A
female
reader, natmarie +, writes (13 May 2011):
I would try really hard to get over him and move on if I were you. He has alot of issues, and will drag you dowon. I know only too well how hard this is going to be for you.. I am in the process off moving on from someone who is just the same. I wish you luck. xx
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A
female
reader, PixieGwen +, writes (13 May 2011):
PixieGwen is verified as being by the original poster of the question yeah i hear ya.. i definitely dont want all the bs.
but the thing is he wasnt always like this..
4-5 months of it was great..when hes happy
so im just wondering..if he does get his crap together and is happy with his life..and wants to make it work with me. then how would i know? the last thing i said to him was.. if youre not going to make the effort, i wont either.(i also told him wks before, to only call me when he wants to make it work with me/put effort.. he continued to call me anyway..and didnt put effort..cos he rarely saw me)
so now im cutting him off..and he knows bout the effort crap, hes not stupid.
i only want someone who makes an effort and show me love etc.. otherwise i dont want what he currently is offering..
i mean he wasnt always bad news. so how do i know if hes changed?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2011): You said it yourself: you are not a game-playing chic. Then why play games? You are just setting yourself up for more heartache. It's obvious that despite getting a car and a job, nothing has changed.
Do you respect yourself? Do you believe that you deserve better than a depressed man who keeps disappearing and reappearing? Ask yourself, why do you want him back? Do you think you can fix him? Would getting him back validate yourself into thinking that because he came back, I'm worth something?
Playing games is for girls in high school. If you need tricks to win him back,he isn't worth winning. This man is showing you through his actions that he really isn't available for a relationship with mutual trust, respect, love and honesty. What you really need to do is cut him out of your life totally so that you can heal from the experience and develop your self esteem so that you can be with a man who WANTS to be with you, and is able to commit to you.
It will be hard at first, but block his number from your phone, avoid places he hangs out, refuse to read his emails. The minute you listen to his sob stories, you will be back at square one. Tell yourself you deserve better, because you do!
Good luck!
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