A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:am gutted ....im married,my husband is violent and moody but we have a 5 year old boy which is the main reason i am here,plus i have no where to go ,last october i started talking on facebook to a married man who i added thru a mutual girlfriend ,we started talking daily on fb and he then asked for my phone number ,then things got different we i found i had feelings for him even tho i hadnt met him,he felt the same,we met and i saw him for a day and night ,he never stayed over with me but spent time with me ,i returned home the next day i knew i loved him straight away after talkin to him daily for a mnth then the meet,we spoke daily on the phone for mnths i saw him again last mnth again for the day and night but he didnt stay over with me ,he told me he loved me and missed me ,he was in a unhappy marriage he said...and i thought he must be because of the endless texts ,etc ,anyway he was real quiet the day before yesterday then when i asked him if he was ok yesterday he said he doesnt want to do this anymore,his wife has found out about the texts and that and he feels bad ,he wants to stop it ,i was supposed to meet him again next month ,hes now ignoring me totally and i feel absolutley gutted ,am not stupid i realise he was just having some fun with me but i feel like am never going to find happiness again,ive never looked at anyone else since ive been with my husband in the past 7 years ,i feel like ive been used and because i told him about my home life he used it to his advantage and told me everything i wanted to hear ,i know i shouldnt text him and since he told me about his wife i have only text him once,i dont know what to do,he always text me constantly throughtout the day asking if im ok ,and seemed like he genuinely liked me
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou all for ure replies u are all right in what u say ,i will take this advice and use it,i have hardly is not any contact with friends now,ive been living in the countryside for 7 years and my friends are far away as are my family ,no one knows about this situation hence why i needed a shoulder thankyou once again
A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (28 May 2011):
 What you are experiencing is normal. Sadly, this guy was an emotional outlet for you and he was within his rights to pull the plug on it. Sadly, you are going through a "break-up" - remember those from your premarriage days? They still happen and they still hurt.
Given enough time, you'll get over his contact but for a while it'll hurt. I suggest finding a girlfriend to talk to help ease the loneliness. Or find a new friend to chat with (in a Platonic fashion).
Finally, if your husband is violent, you might seriously want to consider what you are putting yourself AND your son through by remaining with him. Usually, I urge people to stick it out in their marriages unless there is adultery, abuse or addictions. If your husband is violent, you are risking your well-being as well as your son's.
I feel for you in your situation. However, given some time, I think you'll grow a little wiser and stronger after all this.
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2011): OK. Whether he used you or not is neither here nor there really. He has chosen to stay with his wife so stopping contact is a good idea.The main issue here is your abusive relationship with your husband. I feel for you, I’ve been there and really you do need to get out. What would you say if your best friend was being used as a punch bag? You’d tell her to leave, right? Well, you need to be your own best friend here. No man is worth putting up with violence for.You mention that you stay because of your son and I would like to challenge that. It is likely that your son has heard/seen the abuse that goes on and this is going to affect him in a negative way. Worse case scenario he learns that it is okay to hit women/people and as an adult he becomes an abuser. Whatever, you will be giving this kid issues so I would like to comment that you staying together for the kid is crap. Sorry to be blunt but I think you need some tough love right now. You need to get the f**k out and fast before he destroys your self-esteem totally or kills you. You think that’s dramatic? Look at the domestic violence statistics. You don’t need a man and you certainly don’t need this one. Yes if you leave it will be hard, you may have no money, but you will be okay.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2011): Of course you were used because he's married just as you used him as an emotional escape from your marriage.
You have to chalk this down as a loss OP and don't get involved with guys who are spoken for, if his own wife can't trust the guy what makes you think you can?
Just because you're not happy in your marriage doesn't mean you have right to go messing about in other peoples. Whether your feelings were genuine or not you did suck him in with your sob story. He got caught up in the role of white knight and it nearly ruined his marriage, that's not okay OP. It's not okay for you to use other people like that. If you're not happy in your marriage then do something constructive about it, you're actually playing with fire because if your husband finds out and you do try to leave him he'll have all the advantage when it comes to a settlement.
OP make no mistake, your feelings for him are irrelevant to the fact that you used him. Do the right thing and let him go, let him rebuild his marriage and let him be happy. The take a long hard look at your own life, it's not okay to what you did and you'll just get hurt over and over if you keep playing the damsel in distress to rope guys in. If you're not happy in your marriage then find a way of getting out of it but don't use other men for this. You don't need rescuing OP, you need to sort out your own life. If you don't want to get hurt again then don't go for guys who are spoken for, they're always trouble and the vast majority of those guys will not leave their marriage for you.
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female
reader, lysha +, writes (27 May 2011):
 im sorry but you shouldnt of gone with a married man, wether you liked him or not, does he have a family? has his wife got any problems? he could of lied about anything, you never know, there is a lot to think about and the people you are both hurting, it is best just to leave this one and bury it in the dirt, because it will never work, he has chosen his wife and now feels very bad, so you should leave him to it, becase you dont quite know whats really going on in his life and also for your relationship if it is violent LEAVE HIM, do not ever stay in a relationship because of a child, because he could turn is anger to anyone, but to do right by your child then you need to leave him, go to the council they will help you out, but make sure your child still gets to see its father, that is what you need to do, ihope you take the advice, you just need to think about your child and yourself, get away from the violence and after a while try settling down with someone that isnt like your current boyfriend:)
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