A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:After the end of a long relationship I am dating again but I am beginning to notice a pattern with a man I have seen a few times. It seems that if we go on a date on a Friday night, he has to drink and he has to get drunk. I enjoy going to a bar as much as the next person but I am beginning to see that my social life will be limited with him because of this. My gut is that he is an alchoholic and to leave before I get too attached. Has anyone been in a relationship like this one who could offer an opinion as to how this could play out?
View related questions:
drunk Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, juttandmeff  +, writes (2 April 2006):
For many people, going out and getting drunk on a Friday night is a matter of routine as much as brushing your teeth in the morning or having a bath - I say this not in approval, but as a statement of realism!. I'd say the Friday night aspect isn't in itself indicative of wider alcoholism. that said, what's he like the rest of the time? Is it possible to go out and have a social drink at other times without him getting hammered? Do you enjoy a glass of wine at home without the whole bottle and most of the next one going down his throat? Does he drink during the day or attempt to conceal his alcohol consumption from you?
If there are any of these other indicators present, then I'd say yes, get out now. I have some experience of living with an alcoholic, and pretty it ain't. As you are probably aware, the long term symptoms of alcohol abuse are not noticeably different to those of someone suffering from a psychotic illness. Lies, mood swings, irrationality, concealment, jealousy, manipulation etc. I stayed because I foolishly believed her when she said she was pregnant, and so imagine my surprise 12 months later when the baby had still not arrived yet, although she had clearly managed to get pregnant by then. Although I now have a lovely little boy (who's 3 today, btw) I would not wish the experience on anybody else. If you have doubts, then go, and go now. Please, spare yourself all of the above (although I can't imagine that he will claim to be pregnant, drunk or not!). Of all the advice I have written on here, this is the most heartfelt I have ever given. You won't pull him out of it, he'll drag you down. Don't make the same mistake I made - it was almost 4 years before I went, and the grief I get still continues.
A
female
reader, cfliberal +, writes (2 April 2006):
Have you tried setting up a Friday evening date where no alcohol will be present? That alone should tell you whether this will be an issue. Alcoholics behave differently. Some people who drink to excess only on weekends are alcoholics; others are not because they can choose not to drink.I'd advise going to the Alcoholics Anonymous web site. They have a quiz there that helps people see if they display alcoholic characteristics. If your boyfriend fits the alcoholic profile, he's not going to change unless he wants to do so. I grew up with an addict in my house and know the pain that it can cause. If you can avoid that kind of pain, do it!
...............................
|
