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female
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*ngryKitty
writes: Why, hello there. I'm an 18-year-old woman who has been very much in love with a certain someone for a while now. He is one of three other people who I consider to be my best friends. Unfortunately, my parents disapprove of him to such a degree that they're not allowing me to have contact with him. In the past, he has done some questionable things. These include expressing fantasized aggression ("I'd just like to punch him in the face") toward my ex-boyfriend, who hadn't been treating me so well; talking to me about suicide right after he started taking antidepressants again; and getting angry at me after I broke up with him once and got back together with aforementioned ex-boyfriend right away, posting on a public website that I was the worst thing that ever happened to him. He has apologized profusely for every one of these acts and hasn't done anything close since they happened, knowing how much it hurt me that he had done them. I know he really cares about me and that he would go out of his way to make me feel safe and happy, but my parents don't. All they're doing is trying to protect me, but I believe I'm mature enough to make my own decisions. They've told me that we could lose our relationship as parents and daughter if I see my love at all. I really care about them AND my love, and I feel absolutely torn because I don't want to hurt either of them. What can I do? (.)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2006): Well, I guess your parents are just scared that he'll hurt you. But you have to tell them exactly how you feel about this situation, then maybe they'll understand.
Even if they don't understand, you could see him anyway, maybe in private, because don't forget that your feelings matter too.
A
female
reader, cfliberal +, writes (2 April 2006):
It sounds as if he has some issues he needs to work through. If he's taking antidepressants, he may very well have had suicidal thoughts as a result of starting them. He needs time to adjust to his medication, which could take up to three months.I can understand why he'd be angry with you after a breakup in which you dumped him and went running back to someone who'd treated you badly in the past. If this was a recent event, it sounds as if you have some issues to work through as well.As for your parents, I can't imagine why they'd threaten to disown you unless they are having issues with your making your own decisions. If you're 18, you only recently became an adult, so they are probably not adjusting well to the change.In short, all of you have issues to work through in this complex problem. My advice to you is to avoid committing to this man until things are more clear and you both have a better understanding of what's going on in your lives.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2006): After reading this, "posting on a public website that I was the worst thing that ever happened to him.", I'd have to say that you need to heed your parents advice (unless they've also posted negative thoughts about you on a public website).
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