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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now. He's a wonderful guy and a great boyfriend. He's very loving and kind. The only thing that's been worrying me lately is that nothing ever bothers him. I had some problems with my Ex-bf at the start of our relationship. My Ex would kiss my forehead or hand alot. I told my boyfriend about it and he told me he didnt care and it didnt bother him. At first it was refreshing having a nice boyfriend who was never jealous. My Ex had been very Jealous. But other the whole of our relationship I can only remember him getting bothered by less than a handful or things. Nothing seems to bother him. Last night his best friend (a mutual friend) told me he thought he had feelings for me. I told my boyfriend this morning and he just laughed and asked if that was all. Nothing has bothered this guy. I'm worried about it. I think he cares for me but its difficult when he doesnt seem to care what others guys do with me. I feel like that if I wanted to he honestly wouldnt care if I cheated on him (which i never want to do). I love him a great deal. Recently his family moved and this summer he has been on the other side of the country. His best friend told me that he was angry at my bf for something he said. When I asked (after hours of begging) his friend finally told me that my bf said he was glad to be far away from me becasue he liked having space whenever he wanted. He also said he didnt see us making it past 2nd semester in college. He said he thinks he wont get space down at the college we are both going to. I dont understand it I'm over reacting or not? I think he loves me as much as I love him but I'm scared that his lack of jealousy might just be a lack of interest.I'm his first serious girlfriend and maybe it's just a lack of experience??? Maybe thats why he doesnt seem to care? I know jealousy isnt showing someone you care, but I want some type of reponse out of him! Even when my ex's penis (yes his penis) poped out of his pants because of a hole (it was an accident). My boyfriend just laughed about it. Nothing bothers this guy. I like that he isnt jealous but Im worried that his lack of reaction might have something to do with his interest levels in me and not his lack of jealousy? Is it normal for a guy to never be jealous? To show no reaction? To laugh? Is it me? He seems to think that we'll break up quite soon adn honestly it doesnt seem like he'll care very much....
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male
reader, Rogerramjet  +, writes (22 July 2009):
....well, i don't know that i'd be comfortable in a relationship where one side is telling everyone he knows BUT you that he doubts you're gonna make it...
Your new post completely changes my outlook on the situation.
I think you have every right to ask him why he doesn't have the backbone to stick up for your relationship with the family...
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your help. Although I think you might have missed the point a bit. I don't want him to be jealous. My ex was horribly jealous and that why we broke up. But I do want him to show me his feeling if something bothers him. I want him to be honest about what he's thinking and what he's feelings. As for our mutual friend I trust him completely. He's a very good friend who's saved our relationship a few times by telling me what my bf had said. I feel I need to defend him because I know it seems he would lie in this situation but I know he isnt. He does not want to like me he was very upset when he started having feelings.
I did talk to my boyfriend about this today. My main concern was the fact that he said he was happy half way across the country from me because he had space. Also I was worried because he said he though we would break up by the end of the year. So that hurt. It wasnt that I want his jealousy Im worried abou twhat he's thinking and not telling me.
But we talked about it a bit. He told me he tells his family he thinks we'll break up because that's waht they want to hear. They dont want him to serious right now. He told me that he thinks we'll make it but knows he'll sound stupid if he says that to his family. He didnt quite explain why he said that to our friend though but...yeah. I think it's resolved for now. Thank you =)Oh and Thanks specifically to AskSam I thought about your questions and they were all very valid. Thanks!
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A
male
reader, Rogerramjet +, writes (21 July 2009):
Yeah, i have to say that if he displayed jealousy, he'd probably drive you crazy. I was in a relationship where i was with a very attractive girl who was hit on constantly. I had men right and left coming up to me and telling me straight up "If you weren't in the picture, i would SO tap that." I have to admit it eventually wore on me, and i began becoming very jealous and protective.. (Didn't help that eventually she DID cheat on me.) I am certain that one of the contributing factors that drove her away was my jealousy.I had to take a real step back when i started dating my current partner.. She's also very attractive, and very eye-catching. I just have to trust her that she won't stray. Be glad that you have someone with that level of faith in you. It's rare! Don't let him down!I wouldn't trust anything that any of his male friends have said to you. He may be looking for an opening to make a move on you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): Put it this way,abuse his trust and then u will have wot you wish for.
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female
reader, crazy_daisy  +, writes (21 July 2009):
Hi there,
I agree with the first reply that you shouldn't trust what his friend tells you. You need to discuss this with your boyfriend. Different people have different ways of expressing their feelings, for you a sign of jealousy from your boyfriend re-confirms his love for you but other people do not need displays of jealousy to show someone they love them. You have mentioned that your boyfriend otherwise is really nice, loving and caring so I wouldn't worry too much about the fact that he doesn’t go into jealousy mode every time you tell him a story about your ex. He is obviously a secure and mature young man. Also, he might think that you are over-doing the drama with the constant stories you tell him about your ex and his friend having feelings for you. Just because he does not show his jealousy and disapproval does not mean that he doesn't feel it. May be this is his way of dealing with the things you tell him – simply by not reacting and ignoring them. You should definitely sit and talk through these issues especially if you will be having a long distance relationship. I hope this helps you.
Good luck!
Crazy_daisy xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): You should be glad that he's not the jealous type - if he was he'd drive you nuts by checking your phone and demanding to know where you've been all day every day and who with.
I'd say that this lack of jealousy - as you perceive it - is more to do with him being totally secure in his relationship with you. Basically, he doesn't feel any need to be jealous. In my book, that's a good thing.
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female
reader, AskSam  +, writes (21 July 2009):
 Well in my opinion, you are both very young and in school, you are probably a year or two ahead of him in the mentality department. You need to ask yourself a few things...
1) Is he just extremely relaxed and trusts you so much that he neither needs to worry nor care about any other male moving in on you, simply because he trusts you?
2)Does he show you as much attention as he did in the beginning, is still as loving and caring as when he first began?
3) Do you still love him the same way as when you first met? The same feelings?
4) his friends, seeing as one of them hit on you, is it really safe to trust one of his friends? How sure are you that his mate is telling you the truth?
5)If he is indeed showing lack of interest, then has the sex life died? talk less? do things together as much as you did?
6) are you sure its not both of you looking for a problem?
7) or are you looking for problems because you are looking for something that may not exist?
I am not judging by any means, just looking for possible routes, it could be simple misreading of information, or indeed as you describe, your best bet is to sit down with your partner and talk openly and honestly with him, and if he honours you with that honesty be supportive and try and understand his point of veiw as well as your own.
Best of luck, hope you get on well.
Sam xxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): Maybe this guy just trusts you completely and knows that you will not do anything to hurt him or destroy your relationship???
I would be wary of the friend telling you what your bf said.... could be that he is jealous????
You need to sit down with your bf and talk to him and find out exactly where you stand.
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