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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: This is about relationship advice with my father.My father had been out of my life since I was 2 years old. He was a heavy pot smoker and wanted the drug more than a family. When I was 16 my half-sister contacted me through the web. So I got to meet my father after 14 years. He was in my life from around New years eve till my birthday in June. On my birthday my mother and I decided to include him in the celebration and throw a party at my house since he refused to eat at a restruant due to a phobia. He was still smoking pot after 14 years and is on well fare. He has no job and is living off his gf. On my birthday he did not show up to my party and sent my older half-sister to say he was sick. That was the last I heard from him. For months there was no contact. I blame this to the fact that his gf was jealous of me being in his life and had disliked me from the begining. She had two kids of her own, one a boy my age who had harassed me at school the year before, and a little girl in grade school. She said that I was ruining her family. So after months of my father not contacting me he logged onto and instant messenger. I debated with talking to him and eventually asked him where he'd been for the last couple months. It had been about 6 or 8 months. Then I yelled at him for disappearing. Finally after talking to him and him apologizing. He told me he would call me the next day. He never called.That was about 4 or 6 months ago. I'm 18 and will be starting college soon. My mom and I will also be moving out of our house soon. What I'm wondering is if I should give a man who lives literally one block away and ignores me a call. Or I should just forget about it and move on. He's a druggie and a deadbeat. Not really the type of person I want in my life. But he's also sadly my father. I dont know if I should try giving him another chance knowing I'll get hurt again. Or just forget about it. I've lived my whole life with no fathe whats a while longer? What do you think? Should I give him a chance and call him or not?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know I have alot to think about. I doubt though in his case blood is thicker than water. His gf supports his addiction. She's the one with a job and she's who buys his pot. I know he gave up my older half-sister to foster care when she was little ebcasue his gf hated her and he wanted the gf. Luckily I never had to grown up around him and had an amazing mother to raise me. My mothers told me that if I want him in my life to remember not to rely on him or expect anything. I'm a bit worried to bring up the subject to my mother again though. Last time my dad was around he dragged my mom into all his crazy drama with his gf. The gf hated it if my dad was at my house because my mother was there also. Although if I went to their house I was pretty much ignored in favor of the gf's kids.
I'm worried that because I am moving and because I know his gf's not going to put up with the drain on her money forever that when they break up I'll have no way of contacting him. I also feel like if I do contact him I'm admitting somehow that Im in the wrong? Plus I seriously dont want to be around pot at all. He has such a serious addiction that he cant go that long without smoking it. He's been smoking it since he was 12 years old. He's 40 now. I know that he's not going to stop smoking the pot and that I'll have to deal with that if I want him in my life. Thanks for your help I have alot to think about.
A
female
reader, crazy_daisy  +, writes (21 July 2009):
Hey,
I am sorry to hear about your father. This must be a very difficult situation and to be honest I don’t think there is a straight answer to your question.
You need to realise (which I am sure you already have) that the fact that your father has an addition will make him unreliable and inconsistent. As an addict his mind and probably his body by now has a life dependency on the drug (pot, or whatever else he is on) therefore feeding this addiction becomes the centre of his world and everything else takes second priority - like his girlfriend, you or anybody else in his life. This does not mean that he does not love you or he doesn’t want to be a better father, however he probably will never be the father you need and would like to have around at least while he is an addict.
You are the only person who can decide if you would like to give him another chance. It would be wise to prepare yourself if you do decide to give him another chance that he might let you down again and if you can handle this then go ahead and give him a chance. However, if this is too much for you and upsets you to a great extent, it might be a good idea to give him and yourself some space an time and may be try to reconnect again at a later stage, may be once he has made the choice to give up his addiction?
I hope this helps you a little.
I wish you all the best and good luck with whichever way you decide to go!
crazy_daisy xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): This is a difficult one. My two granddaughters are in a similar position to you and I have a rough idea of how you're feeling about it.
My advice would be to write to him explaining that when he makes a promise you expect him to keep it, and also at the same time ask him if he really wants you in his life. If he does, tell him you expect him to act like a father. You need to lay your cards on the table about all that's bothering you and let him know exactly how you feel about him.
I suspect nothing will change, and if so, just get on with your life without him. otherwise, you might end up like my granddaughters whose father sees them as little more than a pair of money trees to feed his alcohol addiction with.
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female
reader, AskSam  +, writes (21 July 2009):
 The only thing i can say on this is, put it on the back burner for a while, see a counsellor to offload your anger and upset. You have been treated rather badly, but you are still young, My father was basically the same, i got abuse of my step mum and was always blamed by her for everything. Just put yourself through school, and plug away untill you are at a more settled stage in your life. Then try it again when you feel ready. This man seems rather lost and selfish in his own wold, and maybe with enough space he will come to you and if he doesnt, well to be honest he is not worth your time, i know he is your father and you must love him dearly regardless, bgut remember its your life and your feelings deal with it when you are ready sweety.
:) Best of luck sweetheart
sam
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