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Is his 'busy at work' an excuse?

Tagged as: Online dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 April 2010) 5 Answers - (Newest, 22 April 2010)
A female Australia age 36-40, anonymous writes:

For 4 months I chatted to a man over the internet, things had been going really great.

Then all of a sudden he stops emailing, texting and calling…completely.

2 weeks went by and I had had not seen him online at all which I thought was rather strange considering he was online at least every second day or so.

I understand his work is very demanding shift work and often he gets called to work at random times. I did not attempt to contact him during his 2 week absences.

Then all of a sudden recently he comes back on online, and he said “I have been busy with work” even when I didn’t ask why he had not been online anymore.

He asked how I had been and asked if I had missed him and he said he had missed me.

So I am feeling very confused, does it sound like a genuine “I have been busy excuse” or do you think his not really interested anymore?

It’s now been another week since then and I have had no contact from him.

There have been a few times he has told me he has been busy with work but he always managed to get a text message or phone call to me during that time.

View related questions: at work, text, the internet

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thanks everyone for your answers!

I had come to the realization In the second week of his absence he probably was no longer interested in me but what confused me when he comes back and chats like normal and says he missied me.

I don’t understand why he would come back and say that if he was no longer interested.

I don't know why I even try anymore. :(

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (21 April 2010):

Whenever a man does something like this, it usually means there is another woman somewhere. I'd suggest you move on now before you get even more hurt. I think he's found someone else, and I think you deserve better than a man who just disappears.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2010):

Keep yourself busy, don't be dependent on his communication with him. He will call when he wants to, and likewise, you should be able to leave him a message when you want to. Remember if you keep busy and don't focus on his communication with you, or yours on his, the time will go fast for you too. So a week or two will fly by, and then his lack of communication won't be as important to you. It will mean you will be able to be friendly when he talks and not clingy, or angry, which is always a win win situation. Guys often gravitate to easy-going fun-loving INDEPENDENT girls.

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A female reader, Isa123 United States +, writes (21 April 2010):

Isa123 agony auntAt least he's keeping contact. If he didn't want anything to do with you, then he would have stopped contacting you. Period.

His work is very demanding. Sounds to me you are worrying a little too much. If you want to ease your stress, maybe ask him to keep schedule of contacting each other and ask him what he does! Talk to him about his work!

Good luck sweetie.

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A female reader, cnith United States +, writes (21 April 2010):

cnith agony auntIt's possible he found a new hobby. I suggest you move on. But before that happens, see if you can find out more information. Tell him, I don't want a love letter, I want to know you care. Is it possible for you to email me (text me) every few days so I know you're OK? Or to know you care. Whatever fits here.

He's not your boyfriend so maybe that's asking too much.

Maybe you could say, I was wondering if you see me as a girlfriend someday or are we just friends? I wanted to clarify things. It's no big deal if you want to be just friends, I'm OK with that too.

My guess is you already know your answer but well, you want us to help you hear what you already know.

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