A
female
age
36-40,
*anni0226
writes:is he nacisstic? day to day we r fine if i do not ask him anything personal. We r just getting back together b/c a few yr's ago he cheated and tried to make me feel our past arguments or something I had done made him justified n it my fault. I could not trust him n he begged me not to leave i stayed until more lies and secrets reviled themselves each time anger n my fault. we went through a lot each time he asked me home, the last time i left i couldnt take anymore i cryed n begged for weeks for honesty each night he looked at me the same n tell me i was getting on his nearves etc. i left n he begged for his family back together. i explained to him we would have to figure some things out for weeks i'd come and go write letters attempt communication until i found out he was dealing with other woman it hurt i asked him and he lied i caught them and he treated me as if i was nothing later that day he wanted me to believe had i been home it wouldn't of happen he felt lonely. So I tryed to get all the clousre I could and he refused to talk about it needless to say i came home he told me i either come home work it out or some1 else would be playing step momma to our boys. I came I do love him. He would always accuse me of some1 else to justify his actions but i told him this would be my last try. of course no promises have been kept he says anything he can to make me feel horrible n trys to use reverse pshcology i am not completly dumb. however he has lied, i found a secret phone multiple dating sites, heard the horrible things he says to ppl about me gets angry when i try to find out what and why he's hiding things and each time tells me i could leave his house n leave my car keys on tv. without fail he'll later come and tell me he loves me or something like that. Last inncident i found an open condom wrapper in his dresser and 1 hidden in a book when i asked him he got defensive angry n said he's tired of me accusing him.he claims he doesn't know where it came from. i let it go to save the argument but wrote him a letter explaining to him all the questions i had we were suppost to talk about n work on explaining i want answers n understanding not a divorce. he got angry and acted very weird. I also asked his friend did my husband tell him he'd slept with his girlfriend b/c he told me he had I didnt ask him that, however he didn't and he is blaming me for their issue now b/c my husband lied to him and I. He only fast talked me and told me how we're not working out. I had no idea we had a great weekend and he was fine until that. Now he asked me if I wanted to ride with him like nothing happened. I am so confused!! is this nar. behavior or what is it
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 April 2012):
 Ask yourself this, if you KEEP doing the same thing (getting back together with him) WHY are you expecting a better outcome? And ask yourself why you think you don't deserve better then him.
Guys like that don't change.
If he is narcissistic or just your average scumbag tool, know that love can not fix him. Nothing you can do will make him into the man you think he can be or should be.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 April 2012):
 Sweetie it is simple he does not want you, but he does not want any one else to have you
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A
female
reader, Danni0226 +, writes (4 April 2012):
Danni0226 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have left multiple times he comes causes me promblems whereever I am. He begged to me to let's try again, this being last time since I told him b4 coming I need answers and he wanted communication I said 2 way street. I do plunder b/c it kills me not to know when my gut tells me something isnt right 1 day last month I found a net10 phone I knew nothing about all contacts being female, I didn't say anything ugly n asked if he had anything he needed to let me know he said no. I let him know I found his phone and demanded to know why. He got so defensive telling me to just go get out go back to where I lived when I left him. I was stuck n shock n disbelief however when I went to get into my car he said go head run away I knew you wasnt going to stay bla bla to make me think he kept his secrets out of fear I leave n I was the bad guy. I didnt I felt I should prove him wrong.I didnt speak much after the argument n few hr's later he wanted me to go to store w/ him to get kids some things n etc being extremely nice.I let it go. Everytime I look at our phone bill I c him and my sister has been talking I asked her what is there they need talk about so much? She seemed stunned Id knew. She only said he text her to tell her her sister is crazy. However as time passes I c things like the condoms I know Im not crazy I know it wasnt there b4 but he refuses to tell me the truth. Yesterday was what led me to this I held my peace as long as I could it is hard to talk to him he always gets so angry defensive and its always my fault, but he got a call from the friend that he'd lied to about sleeping with g/f 1 time & b/c I called him to see if he did know and told him my husband told me he did. The fella was mad and wanted to talk to my husband, somehow it is my fault & suddenly things arent working out. When I asked him what he meant he couldn't tell me exactly just over talk me, I asked for a direct answer of did he want a divorce he wouldnt answer he insisted it was my choice. I let him know I wouldnt move again unless/until a divorce is filed b/c he caused me so much confusion times b4 so Id be here. When he got from work he didn't speak to me until late asking me to ride with him I didnt. This moring he was all I love you then suddenly when i got in the car to drop him off he seemed ill b/c I had taken his cd's out for a rap cd. It isnt gud for the kids to hear disrespecting woman etc I was like ok then when he got out he asked if I wanted a kiss. What causes all the changes n his attitude n behavior
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 April 2012):
I agree with Auntie Cindy, it really doesn't matter what label you toss at him, be isn't a keeper. He is untrustworthy, lying, manipulative and you are selling yourself short staying with him.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (4 April 2012):
No it is not, what it is, is that he does not love you. He is cheating on you that much is clear and he is treating you like a door matt and you are letting him. Honey I know that it is harsh, but you are looking for an excuse for his behaviour, and to be honest there is none, he is manipulating you because he knows then you will stay with him no matter what. He is using you. He is using your boys against you but you are there mother so you take them and get away from him for good and start up a new healthy, good life.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 April 2012):
 But...is that really important ? What difference does it make to you if he is a textbook narcissistic personality, or a regular , run-of-the mill ,bad-to-the-bone loser ?...
Does it make it any better if he has a psychiatric label on ?...
The guy keeps cheating on you, disrespecting you, telling you lies and making you miserable. That' s all you should care about, the rest is for his shrink if he wants to see one ( I bet he does not ).
If there's a guy running after you holding a machete in his hand, and yelling " I'll kill you, bitch ", what do you do, do you run as fast as you can, or do you stop to muse if his fascination with sharp knives comes from an unresolved castration complex due to a difficult relationship with his mother in early childhood ?...l
with
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