A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so I got really drunk and slept with my best male friend. This has brought out feelings for him and got me thinking about being with him.I have known him for years and although we have our differences and we both have other close friends, I feel like he's got my back and he always talks to me about his problems. Like, I feel like I trust him on a deep level, even if we don't see eye to eye. like other friends have come and gone, but he is always consistently there for me in my life.So we were drunk and talking about stuff. He told me he wanted a girlfriend now(not necessarily implying me, but I wonder...). I said i was not at all interested in relationships, because I was still feeling hurt over my last relationship which ended 3 months ago. Then after talking for a while, he asked me to kiss him, and I kinda wanted to through the conversation, and so I did. Then I got carried away and suggested sex, and he was hesitant, saying but we have to live together(we live in a houseshare), but I was just like I don't care, because I was at that point of drunkeness that I didn't care.But now I feel really awkward and confused. I guess I have always liked him and now after the incident I'm having feelings for him. I am grateful despite the awkward feelings because this has helped me see that there are other men out there apart from my ex, who I can have feelings for, so it's helped me move on.I just wonder, if I hadn't gone as far as the sex, that maybe there would be a possibility of him considering me as a girlfriend option, in the future. Im worried I have made him see me as a slut who just jumps into bed after too much alcohol and has ruined any thoughts he had about me being his girlfriend.I had noticed him noticing me in a more than platonic way. But I couldn't say for sure whether it was just sexual or if he would actually consider me as a girlfriend option, and I worry after my jumping into bed incident, I have put myself into the one night stand friend zone. We have yet to discuss what happened. I am trying to at normal and as un-awkward as possible, and I am trying to not let my thoughts get too carried away about this. Should I tell him how I feel? That i am grateful it happened, because it made me realize that i am ready to move on from my ex, but at the same time I regret insisting on sex because I had decided that i didn't ever want to have a one night stand again, especially with a good mate, because feelings get confusing. And that kissing him made me realize that I do fancy him, and although we have to live together and he is one of my most important friends in my life, so I don't want to make things awkward between us. But that I like him, so how about it?The other thing is, I know what guys can be like after a one night stand. They get all scared that the woman is dreaming of having their babies and planning the wedding, so they get all arrogant and basically act like a child/arse to the girl, in order to make sure she doesn't get the wrong impression. I'm guessing the only way to prevent any confusion, is to just tell him how I feel? Should I leave out the part where I like him, or just be up front? I really value him as a friend and hope to always be mates no matter what, but maybe, just maybe, he feels the same as me? But there is the big risk of starting something, that doesn't work out and gets complicated, and then we've got to share a house or move house. I guess if I am honest, I have thought for a long time that we might end up together, and my exes have thought that something was going on between us. So I wonder if it is worth persuing?What would you do in my situation? Tell him everything. Tell him just my feelings about the one night stand. or say nothing and wait for him to come to me, and then decide what to say in response to him, while in the mean time, try to not get carried away and just get on with things?
View related questions:
drunk, kissing, move on, my ex, one night stand, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (7 April 2012):
 Yep, live and learn and kiss a few frogs. Just put it behind you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionupdate... i asked to talk about it, saying i felt awkward about it and embarrassed for being so quick to sleep with someone. he said he didn't know why we had to talk about it, and it was bound to happen at some point with us living in the same house... feeling like a fool doesn't quite cover it... i really want to tell him that i've changed my mind, i don't actually regret sleeping with him because i now know how much of an asshole he truely is, but i fear i would be wasting my breath as it would be like water rolling off a ducks back.
you live and learn, eh?
...............................
A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (5 April 2012):
Drinking helps you do you wanted to do all along. It may let you do things you wouldnt do when sober.... Talk to your friend. Thank him for helping you get over your ex. Say that you are not a ons girl so he better invite you out soon!
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 April 2012):
Talk to him, but don't go for the relationship thing just yet. I would tell him straight up that you don't regret the sex.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok just want to clarify Cerberus by guys acting like an arse after one night stands, I meant this guy in particular. Once a girl he's been sleeping with starts to like him, he has ignored them and cut them off without explanation. I've seen this happen before. I've also seen him in long term relationships that meant a lot to him, that he was gutted that they ended.
Anyway, I WAS getting very carried away there... I am alot calmer now, although i think we need to say something to each other about it to clear the air. I don't want it to happen again. I don't want to have one night stands or anything like that, I don't know what came over me. I had had no desire to be with another man since my ex, and I have had other opportunities, even with him. Maybe it happened coz I am finally starting to get over my ex and look at other guys and I was very, very drunk, and so was he and it's been a while for him too.
Oh god, I am just going to carry on with my life now, and avoid drinking that much again... thanks for the help!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2012): Yes to all your questions OP. Talk to him and see what he thinks of what happened first. You should be able to gauge how he feels from his answers and whether he'd be interested in exploring it further without letting all your feelings out and possibly making things very awkward if he doesn't feel the same.
As for the one night stand thing and us guys, we don't act arrogant and an ass when it's a friend we slept with, a person we already really care about. It only really happens with girls we don't know that well and only really when we only wanted sex from them in the first place and nothing else. I mean come on girls are the same, once you gotten the only thing you wanted from a person, in this case sex, they're kind of useless after that and no longer worth the effort unless you want more sex from them, it has nothing to do with thinking that woman will want marriage and babies. They've just outgrown their usefulness. That's not your situation. He's a friend, you can talk to him and if he acts like a dick about it then he's not really being a good friend.
...............................
A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave +, writes (4 April 2012):
I think you two need to have a chat about it to find out where each of you stand.
I wouldnt go all out telling him your feelings straight away. Let a little out and see what his thoughts on the "incident" you had
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (4 April 2012):
 hislow down your makin ME dizzy . you had sex, once, with him. just say 'Hey I really enjoyed the sex its proved I am over my Ex' Leave it at that Then he knows your emotionally available and your interested. Just do not sleep with him again unless he and you are in a relationship or it will be a FwB's situation forever And you will end up getting hurt xxx
...............................
|
