A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend has been with predominantly married men in her past. All of her relationships prior to me were FWB. The guy she lost her virginity to was married, the next was single, but she did him while she was still with the first. The third was separated. The fourth was married. She carried on with all of these guys for years as sex buddies, sometimes overlapping.I'm concerned both with the fact she has been with a lot of married men, plus the fact that she habitually overlaps lovers. I have no evidence she has done this to me, but she does stay in contact with them. She and I were also commenting on the whole Tiger Woods thing once at a bar, and she said "one affair I could understand...". I'm a little afraid of her tolerance of infidelity.Would this be a red flag for any of you? She loves me, and I know our relationship is different than these others, which were just casual sex/companionship. When I've asked her, she kinda indicated it was because it made it more no strings attached...plus she knew they were clean. Turns out, the 3rd guy gave her HPV.Also, why do some women crave married or unavailable men?
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affair, her past, infidelity Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, dyeruz  +, writes (11 August 2010):
"She loves me, and I know our relationship is different than these others.." and so thought first guy, second guy..etc. Question, she's been sleeping with married men, showing scant regard for the partners of these men..I know you might think you are different from the rest but the fact she's still in contact with them is a big uh-uh! She has to be exclusive to you and you alone, these men are not her buddies, they are her lovers and it will only take one fight between you before she calling up for a shoulder to cry on....and something else. Good luck!
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (11 August 2010):
 I think its a HUGE red flag. I don't think her morals matches her values.
1 affair or 20 - doesn't really matter. Cheating is cheating.
She seems very casual about sex & relationships - and I don't mean that in a good way. More like a careless way.
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A
female
reader, Angelripper +, writes (11 August 2010):
 I don't think that these are good signs at all. It scares me a bit that she goes specifically after married men, which indicates to me that perhaps she thrives on the 'accomplishment' of taking someone's man from them, which may feed some huge sense of insecurity she has. Although this is a huge leap, as I do not know her personally, but if that's the case, then that is def not good.
She seems to be very lax with respect to affairs, which is also not very good. This sheds some light on her morals and values which do not exactly seem to support the idea of a relationship.
She may have been open with you, but maybe it's because she doesn't see that what she's doing or has been doing is wrong. Perhaps she is just being honest with you, though.
But even if she is telling you the truth just to be honest with you, you can't expect to change a person overnight. This is the same concept that applies to immature girls thinking they can be the one to change 'bad guys' for the better, when in the end they're just being played.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010): Her track record shows she has no qualms about destroying other people's lives, ripping away a spouse, taking a stable home away from innocent children.
If she is so heartless and callous with the feelings of others, do you really think that, in the long run, she won't be the same with yours?
you've bee warned...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010): Run a million miles!! She loves to hurt people and sounds like some kind of sociopath
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 August 2010):
 I think this is a huge red flag. This shows her character, and unless she has convinced you in some way that she is a better person now, I wouldn't place my money (or heart) on it. Her being accepting towards cheaters I think is a red flag too, and a sign that she is not a reformed cheater, but may still be playing the field.
Surely she has been very honest with you though, to admit to all of these things. But for any relationship there must be trust. If you feel you can trust her.. then I wish you the best of luck. She might treat you right, and unlike the other men she has had. Maybe talk to her about what she wants out of a relationship, and how she feels about you?
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