A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 1/2 years now. We have lived together for 3 1/2 years. Whenever I bring up marriage or our future he doesn't say anything. He says he will propose some day, but that's not good enough for me. He says, "what difference would a ring make?" Why won't he understand that I want to be his wife and have his child. Do you think he's worth waiting around for when he won't even talk about these things. I am 28 years old and he is 26 years old. I just don't understand. He keeps coming up with excuses and we had made a deadline of when we wanted to be engaged and that has come and gone...What should I do? Please help me!Sad :(
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 January 2012):
 Well you have already told him that he’s more important than the engagement and marriage when you stayed past the deadline. NOW he knows he can string you along….
If you want to marry and he does not, you need to leave. He’s not ready and you are… your timetables are different. IF you wish to stay with him accept that he does not wish to marry you. He may NEVER want to marry you…
Often what I see is a man saying he’s not ready for marriage when the truth is more painful, he’s not ready to marry you. IF you broke up tomorrow and he met someone in a few months and married her in a year I would not be shocked.
I met my fiancé over a year ago and when we started it was just fun and games for both of us and he swore up and down right and left and in and out… SERIOUSLY said “I AM NEVER GETTING MARRIED! MARRIAGE IS A WASTE AND USELESS AND I SEE NO NEED FOR IT!” and I was very very ok with that. I have been married 3 times and would PREFER to never get married again… guess who’s getting married this year??? Yep Mr. “I don’t’ believe in marriage….” WHY? Because when men truly fall in love and meet the right woman, they want to make that commitment. It’s crazy, I’ve seen it happen in perennial bachelors in their 40s and 50s. NEVER MARRIED… never wanted to get married… meet the right woman and POOF all of a sudden MARRIAGE is what THEY want.
Sadly for many women "I dont' want to get married" when said by their long term bf means "I dont' want to marry you"
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2012): He doesn't want to get married yet. Deal.
It doesn't mean anything bad about him. Plenty of people at his age (both men and women) feel the same way, no matter what their relationship status is. But I agree that he owes you the truth about his feelings.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (21 January 2012):
I think the message he's sending is that he doesn't want to be married.
That changes your relationship, because you want to be married and you want kids. So I think that you need to really sit down and think about what you want, then as Aunty BimBim says, make time to speak with him and see what happens.
After 4.5 years, and being at the ages you are, he should know more about what he wants. If he's feeling this way though, chances are he doesn't want marriage.
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A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (21 January 2012):
Tell him you will leave him if he doesn't get serious. He may be too young and it's not his time but let him know you are not kidding.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (21 January 2012):
 Sounds to me he doesn't care about marrying you.
Make an appointment with him for 1 hour of his undivided attention. Sit him down at the appointed time and tell him your biological clock it ticking, you want children and you want to have those children while you are young enough to enjoy them. Tell him you are not prepared to have children out of marriage.
As him how much time he needs to decide if this is a journey he wants to share with you. If he cant give an answer make another appointment for a week's time. Explain to him the fact a previously set deadline for your engagement was permitted to pass without action means no second chances on this one. If your week comes up and he still cant give you an answer tell him his bags will be packed and ready when he returns for them in the morning.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2012): You should move out and stop acting like his wife. If he lets you go then he's the wrong guy for you and wasn't going to marry you anyway. What good is your deadlines when there are no consequences?
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