A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So basically, I've been seeing this guy (let's call him C) for 2 and a half months now, I've been keeping count! I don't know about anyone else, but I think 2 and half months is a long, long time to be "seeing" someone and not even be official yet! My friends and a few of mine and C's close friends think so too. I've never brought the subject of him asking me properly to be his girlfriend up, I thought I'd just leave it and wait to see what happens, but the truth is, it's really starting to bug me. It sounds silly, but not actually being his girlfriend kind of feels like I have no say in anything at all, because well, I'm not his girlfriend am I?The other night we were in bed and he started talking away about how he doesn't like putting labels on things and he's apprehensive that if he does ask me to be his girlfriend (officially) that putting a label on it will just lead to things turning sour. He asked me if I was ok and if I understood and, stupidly, to save an argument and me getting upset, I just said yes and we went to sleep (well he did) My question really is, what do I do?! Is he worth my time? Do I wait another 2 and a bit months to be his girlfriend and actually feel secure about this relationship? Do I ask HIM to be my boyfriend?! I don't know what to do and being honest all this waiting is just tearing me apart. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2013): "I think 2 and half months is a long, long time to be 'seeing' someone and not even be official yet!"I think two and a half months is a very short time to be sleeping with a random virtual stranger about whom you know practically nothing."The other night we were in bed and he started talking away about how he doesn't like putting labels on things and he's apprehensive that if he does ask me to be his girlfriend (officially) that putting a label on it will just lead to things turning sour."Translation: He doesn't want to make you his official girlfriend because then you'll start having expectations and making demands of him so he'll have additional obligations and constraints while not enjoying any additional benefits because you're already putting out for him and that's all he wants from you. As my grandmother told my mother at your age (70 years ago), "Why buy the cow when the milk is free?""He asked me if I was ok and if I understood and, stupidly, to save an argument and me getting upset, I just said yes and we went to sleep (well he did)"Then you've given him the answer he wanted, you're content just being his f*ck buddy and nothing more. "My question really is, what do I do?! Is he worth my time?"You listen to what he already told you in so many words when he gave you that BS line about worrying that calling you his girlfriend will make things go sour (he only wants sex, nothing more) AND you realize that you tacitly agreed to continue your current arrangement indefinitely. I would say he's not worth your time because you're certainly not worth anything more to him other than being a quick, easy, convenient roll in the hay."Do I wait another 2 and a bit months to be his girlfriend and actually feel secure about this relationship? "Do I ask HIM to be my boyfriend?! I don't know what to do and being honest all this waiting is just tearing me apart." Whether you wait or press the girlfriend issue now, you're going to get dumped because he's told you where you stand and you stupidly (your word, used correctly) acquiesced. All you can do in the meantime is make sure to double up on the birth control because the only thing worse than finding yourself dumped would be finding yourself pregnant, after you've been dumped.
A
female
reader, Stelladra  +, writes (9 February 2013):
I hate to break it to you but that's just man speak for "I want to continue sleeping with you without p^^S^^g you off but I am not into you enough to make you my girlfriend." Go out right now and get the book "He's just not that into you" it was eye opening for me when I was single and it saved me a lot of wasted time. The bonus is it helps you get over guys like him and then when you are no longer interested they chase you like crazy after but my advice is see who else is out there because we all want to meet the guy who is crazy about us for us and not because they can't have us. And you wait to be with a man who can't wait to call you girlfriend because he is head over heels for you.A guy before my hubby used to always ask me out last minute and I had a huge crush on him for a long time but I put my foot down and told myself I wanted a guy to seem more into me and never went out with him letting him know if he wanted to ask me out I needed more notice. He didn't ask and a couple months later I met my husband who asked me out for Monday lunch when I met him Friday. And we got engaged a year later. Then that other guy asked me out with tons of notice, bought me flowers, told all my friends he was upset I was taken. But my sentiment was it too little too late. So I suggest you tell him you want a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and you understand if he moves slower than you on those things but that is the type of relationship you are looking for. And that maybe for now you should see other people while maintaining a friendship. Most likely if you become interested in another guy he may either want to be exclusive and label it or you'll find out he was never that into you in the first place so you didn't waste your time.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (9 February 2013):
People are all different so his argument sounds valid to me. That's how I am. Yours sounds important to you as well, but you have to realize that you shouldn't force him to do anything he doesn't want to, that will lead to him being resentful.
What you can control is yourself. If you don't like the situation then move on. If he really likes you then he'll be willing to make things official to make you happy. If he doesn't than you're free to find someone who has your same relationship ideas.
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