A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,My best friend and I have been friends for the past 5 years. We've always had a GREAT relationship until recently. We used to talk all the time and she'd always text me a few times a day. We had a ritual every week where we'd hang out and cook dinner together at least one day of the week. Usually, we ended up hanging out 2-3 days each week. She's always known my fiancé (who I live with) and they get along great too. I've always felt we were a family. She's truly like my sister and I always do everything I can for her. Because she had never had a boyfriend before and didn't have many other friends, we'd always try to include her in our activities, like going out to dinner or going to the movies, or just hanging out and watching a movie at our house. A lot of times when it'd get too late, she'd just sleep over in the guest room.Anyway, she recently got into her first relationship. Her boyfriend seems like a nice guy. We invited him over for dinner once and were really excited that we could do things like double dates now... But ever since she's been in a relationship (it's been a month now), she ignores me. I feel really hurt. She never talks to me or texts me anymore and most of the time when I do, she doesn't respond. She only talks to me when she needs something or when they fight, and she doesn't even come over anymore. Last time she did, about 2 weeks ago, she spent the whole night on the phone with her boyfriend arguing so we didn't even get to talk and catch up like usual.I feel hurt any time she doesn't respond. Like I said, I thought we were family. I knew things would change obviously, but not to the point where we never talk. That's a little extreme. Ever since they've been together, she's only calls or texts when she needs something. I hate this. :( I've ALWAYS gone out of my way for her and treated her like a loved family member, and now I feel like I was just entertainment when she was bored and now that she has a new source of entertainment, she doesn't need me in her life anymore.Thank you in advance for any advice!xo
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female
reader, Cripes  +, writes (9 February 2013):
It's understandable that you feel like this, but cut her some slack, it's her first boyfriend! Give her a few months until the honeymoon period wears off and she'll probably be back to normal. If she's never been in love before she'll be in an intense, obsessive phase just now - most of us go through this as kids so we can get away with it more!When she's sane again (it can be a bit like insanity, the burning of new love) make an effort to hang out with the both of them (or you might have to be there to pick up the pieces if they break up - and if they do, I can guarantee she'll feel like a grade A fool for dropping her best friend like a hot potato).She's being selfish now but sometimes we're all selfish. When it comes to love she's less mature than you, so you have to be the bigger person. Good luck!
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (9 February 2013):
This is something she needs to realise for herself and you can at least tell her your side of the issues.
Like you said, she has never had a relationship before so it seems like this first relationship is completely absorbing her attention. As she has problems with this relationship, she will pay more attention in hopes that this is the answer. I am sure she is not doing it intentionally but she will have different experiences from you and she must deal with it on her own terms. As a friend you must understand that these things happen in life, people do change and people do grow apart. If you feel like you are being taken advantage of then this is partly your fault because you are allowing her to do so and you have not made much effort to resolve the problems you have with her.
I can understand how you can think the two of you were a family but she needs her space now and she needs to learn the ropes the easy way or hard way. You can be a friend to her by letting her know the flaws but still support her as she goes through her rough relationship.
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