A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my partner for 6 years, we are in a Long distance realtionship, and have had every plan to be together in marriage and move.My bf is having a hard time in life right now and dealing with his moms ovarian cancer in which she only has a few months to live, he is also miserable at work-he took this job to transfer to the USA but the job is making him work 24 hr days and fly here a nd there etc.. that he has no life to the point we dont get to talk much anymore, and hes having to also pay his moms bills while shes ill.On top of all this he asked his parents are not real fond of me for reasons unknown because I only met them once, we dont know. But he tried to ask them for a blessing ( I believe because shes passing he really wants this blessing from his family) but she will not and his parents will not give it to him. So hes been saying I have to try to warm them up to the idea. Anyways I am leaving to see him soon to give him some support and taking a lengthy trip to him, but I wont even get to see him much with the sorry job hours he has. We talked recent and he told me he doesn't want a gf right now, he wants to work on his career and get his life in order. So I asked him, to clarify in that he wants space or doesnt want a gf at all. He said I need 2 mths right now, sometimes he says he doesnt want a gf other times it seems he means space. I dont want to lose my sweetheart, and I want him to know im there for him and support him through good and bad What can i do? And is he trying to leave me or just space?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 October 2010):
 Maybe he does not know it himself yet, and he is going by trial and error.
Personally I am skeptical about the utility of breaks.
Can he really sort his life out in two months ? What is it gonna change within two months, is he gonna be able to get a better work schedule ? Is his mother ( pardon the brutality ) gonna be dead ? Or things are gonna be more or less the same ?
And , how are you crowding him since you don't even live there and you don't talk that much due to his job ? I understand very well how with everything going on in his life, romance must be the last of his concerns, then again it seems that your relationship is really low maintenance.
I know that many Aunts and posters in LDRs will fiercely disagree, but I feel that an LDR can only work for a short period of time. 6 years is a long time, - problems are more difficult to deal with from a distance, and people loose faith, motivation and enthusiasm.
I think it's time for a really sincere, heart- to- heart, and also practical talk.WHEN this marriage and move should happen ? is it possible to figure out a date, or is it still pretty vague ? Is it actually possible somehow bringing about the changes he needs to do in his job and finances , and how ? What can you do to help ,in practice ?
I know it will be hard for both of you being more rational
than emotional, but- 6 years is a long time, - I think you would not want to invest 6 more years in something that just can't happen.
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