A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupids,I am a bisexual male, and I have met this guy who seems straight. Well I say seems because I know he had sex with at least 2 girls over the last year. I fancy him a lot and we became very close friends over the last year.However, he does not know that I am bisexual, even though I drop hints all the time. And the thing is that he is very open minded with the whole gay/bi thing, since he believes that people are sexual things and should not be labelled. Well, to be honest, I have developed feelings for him. I feel like we are connected and I am definitely sure that I am falling in love for him. I am hitting on him sometimes, and he seems to like it. He hits on my sometimes but makes it look like a joke.So, my question is. If you had a very close friend, that you are spending lots and lots of time together (almost the whole day together, almost everyday of the week), wouldn't you discuss with him about girls you meet or going to meet and such? I mean all the straight men I had in my life as friends, would talk about it nonstop. Like "I am meeting with this chick tomorrow" etc. He does not do that, and I learn about his meetings through our other mutual friend, who is not as close to him as I am. And whenever I raise the question about this topic or try to discuss whether he had a good time, he just replies with a brief answer (e.g. yes, no, so and so), and then immediately changes the subject...Does this look suspicious? I mean I haven't ever put much thought to it, until a girl friend of mine told me that maybe he realises that I am into him and he does not want to hurt my feelings, or he has feelings for me and he doesn't want me to think the opposite. That got me thinking.. Is this possible?I would much appreciate your thoughts and answers on this. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2014): There are three possibilities;
1) If he doesn't know that you're bi he'll assume that you are straight and are joking when you flirt with him. He jokes back in return.
2) He is bi /gay and likes you too but doesn't know you're bi so he doesn't want to tell you in case it ruins the friendship.
3) He is bi/gay and likes you but is not ready to for anything serious (because he hasn't come out or any other reason)
My advice is to keep flirting and don't try to push things or have the talk. If there is chemistry on both sides you won't be able to keep your hands off each other for too long.
I do strongly advise you to tell him you're bi. He'll be more likely to take your flirting seriously if he knows that you are not straight. It'll encourage him to open up.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2014): First, I want to suggest that you put the brakes on your feelings. You can't fall for someone; unless you know they will reciprocate the same feelings. He may be curious or just being nice. If you're subtly hitting on him, he plays it off; and may have already figured out that you're gay/bisexual. It just doesn't bother him.
I am gay, and I've seen quite too often the "fall for the questionable straight/gay/bi-guy" scenario. You can't allow yourself to fall for people when you're not even sure of their sexual-orientation. If you were even within an inch of certain, you wouldn't have written this post.
The one you should be addressing, is the guy you're wondering about. If you're hiding, why do you expect him to blurt it all out to you?
If you "suspect" someone is gay or bisexual, that isn't enough to hang your feelings on. You also run the risk of interpreting every suggestible action to be a come-on; and that can put you in an awkward place, if you're totally wrong. In fact, it could make him angry that you presumed without him giving you a straight-up (pardon the pun) confirmation. He just may be hiding in the closet; but apparently he's still comfortable there. He may be okay with you being bisexual, but that doesn't mean he plans to have sex with you any time soon; which is where this is all driving at.
I've found it is always best to let the guy whom you assume to be "straight," make all the moves. Everything you've described so far is subjective and inconclusive. He probably figured YOU to be gay; and talking about girls wouldn't make any difference. You claim bisexuality, but didn't mention if you bring up girls in conversation yourself.
Stop playing games of hide and seek, and confess. Then you will open the door to honesty. He'll either accept you for who you are, or he'll let you know if he's interested.
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A
male
reader, yum yum  +, writes (7 July 2014):
 He likes you, but he is too shy to admit it. He might not be out of the closet.
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