A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 1/2yrs. We have on n off fought about his brother's girlfriend and it just doesn't seem like I can really talk about it with him. He says he doesn't feel anything for her but in my view I think he does. It all started at a family festival where he had mentioned to me how great of a couple they are and how she seems to be a good fit for his bro. So he noticed her the whole time while I was sitting right next to him all dressed up thinking he was thinking how great we were?!!Then there are times where I feel like when she says something he's really attentive and when I say something he's like "what Hun, I didn't hear you" or "what did you say?" recently we took a trip with his fam and that girl n during the trip I felt as though he really paid attention to her whenever she talked or did something. She does things to catch attention n I think my boyfriend likes that. I'm shy n reserved n don't cause attention to myself and I feel that he doesn't like that but thats just who I am. A few days ago I found out the he had txt her a few times to greet her merry Christmas and also thanked her for coming to visit on his birthday and giving him a card. He already said thanks to her when she came over so why did he have to txt her again to show her that he was thinking of her?! On top of that he didn't even tell me he did that or even that he greeted her merry Christmas even when she didn't greet him first. I'd understand if she did it first n he just replied to be nice but no he took it upon himself to do it n he didn't even tell me I found out when I saw it on his phone. So please help is he thinking about her n does he like her?
View related questions:
christmas, shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the advice everyone but I want to comment on the first response. I received because yes he did flip out and this are he exact words " u were asking me about her for 45 mins straight and I can't take it anymore" I asked him if I could see his Txts that she and he showed me the recent one she sent that day and when I asked to see the rest he blew up. Was so mad and didn't show them to me. Should I be worried here. He was mad at me for almost a week because as he says we fight so much and I'm so sick of fighting about her.
he entering this program real soon and we both know it's going to be alot of stress and time so having this fight made him evaluate us. He said he is strongly reconsidering our relationship but then yesterday we had a long talk and he says he's slowly going to move on from this. I can't tell if he love me nemore and if post #1 is right about him flipping out then does that mean he's really into her?
He says he's not but How can I be sure? I'm scared he talking to her and don't know how to ask him if he is without causing him to get upset because we just got over fighting about her.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the advice everyone but I want to comment on the first response. I received because yes he did flip out and this are he exact words " u were asking me about her for 45 mins straight and I can't take it anymore" I asked him if I could see his Txts that she and he showed me the recent one she sent that day and when I asked to see the rest he blew up. Was so mad and didn't show them to me. Should I be worried here. He was mad at me for almost a week because as he says we fight so much and I'm so sick of fighting about her.
he entering this program real soon and we both know it's going to be alot of stress and time so having this fight made him evaluate us. He said he is strongly reconsidering our relationship but then yesterday we had a long talk and he says he's slowly going to move on from this. I can't tell if he love me nemore and if post #1 is right about him flipping out then does that mean he's really into her?
He says he's not but How can I be sure? I'm scared he talking to her and don't know how to ask him if he is without causing him to get upset because we just got over fighting about her.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): hi there, i dont think your being unresonable. True dont act all crazy, but if your gut is telling you that he is into her - the fact is, he probably is! Txting other girls behind your back is an issue! Why does he feel the need to txt anybody else.... From experience guys txt other girls trying to start up a conversation. You have answered your own question he already thanked her why would you then txt?
If you want the truth confront him.... You will get one of two responses:
1)if he loves you and only wants to be with you - He will be so upset that you could even think that, and will reasure you, that you are the only girl for him... without any anger.
or 2)hes totally into her -he will flip out and make a huge deal accusing you of not trusting him.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): He's just being friendly and trying to welcome her into the family and make sure she feels accepted by her boyfriend's family. It actually sounds really decent of him to me.
He's been with you for 3 1/2 years - that's an awfully long time to be with someone if you don't truly want to be. I know how you feel though - my boyfriend reacts really positively to outgoing girls, laughing and chatting with them, but that means nothing. There are so many reasons he's with me. Oh and the fact that I swallow any jealousy I might be feeling and tell myself he's with me, he wants me and I don't care who he chats with is something he truly loves about me. So unless he's insecure and needs you to be jealous so he knows you care, he'll really appreciate you trusting him.
Oh and what you were saying about how he thinks she's a good fit for his bro... That definitely doesn't mean he likes her! If he liked her, he'd be acting a lot more irrationally and be moody when he sees them together. As it is, it honestly sounds like he was thinking happily about how well things had turned out for him and his brother, how lucky they both were. Before I'd even met my boyfriend's brother's girlfriend (now fiance) my boyfriend had told me she was beautiful and so nice and how lucky his bro was to find her. It doesn't mean anything! A brother's girlfriend is off limits to a guy, I bet he sees her as more of a relative than a girl.
Please try to relax and stop going through his phone. You say you've fought about her with him, so give it some time now, try to look at her as more his sister and that he's happy for his bro and when you feel ready, sit him down and tell him you're sorry for making such a big deal over her, that you trust him and think it's nice how he's welcoming her into the family.
...............................
A
female
reader, BeautifulCapricorn +, writes (21 January 2011):
this just sound like a jealousy problem that you have ... he has no feeling for that girl.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 January 2011):
 I think you are reading in to the situation a little bit to much. She is his brothers girlfriend therefore it sounds to me like he just wants to show that he likes her and that he is happy she is with his brother. He is probably just making an effort with her because he is part of his family now and someday she might be his sister in law. I think you need to let this go and accept that he is just being friendly towards her. I dont see the harm in wishing her a merry christmas or thanking her for a card. Be careful that you dont drive him away with your jelousy. Just mention to him that sometimes you feel like he doesnt listen to you but drop the situation about his brothers girlfriend and concentrate on your own relationship. Goodluck.
...............................
|
