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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I'm in a quandry. My GF of 18 months, whom I love dearly and we are planning on marriage, has recently friended her ex on FB. They were an on again, off again FWB thing for over 2 years. He was married. There was a close call early in our relationship where she almost hooked up with him for sex, but denies anything happened, and I believe her...I'm just mentioning that because it caused problems in our relationship for a while, and I had jealousy issues because of this guy. Recently, he is facing divorce, and they messaged on FB (she told me all), and I was OK with that. But when she showed me the messages, she was almost overly friendly and sympathetic, and almost insisted he talk to her. Now, she is a very supportive woman, and genuinely means to help him. I believe her intentions are noble. She has also been up front with me on all of it. But he just E-mailed her that he wants to call her to talk tomorrow (I am in front of the computer and we use the same E-mail address..which he probably does not know).I'm not sure I know what to think of this. She did tell him she's here to talk, but now that its happening, I'm not sure I like it. Part of me remembers that close call from a year ago, part of me doesnt totally trust him. What do I do? Be supportive and trust the situation, or express my discomfort? If they decide to meet, I'm not sure I could accept that. Where do I draw the line?
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (22 January 2011):
 I think it's time to express your concerns to your girlfriend. It sounds like their are some unresolved feelings on her behalf. Under ideal circumstances, when people split up and remain friends, it's to keep up with each others lives -- they say howdy once in a while and exchange Christmas cards.
It sounds like she is still concerned for her friend and is being supportive of him. While I can't really determine how deep those feelings go, it does sound like she still is interested in him -- at least on some level.
While there is nothing definitive that I can go on, I think it's best to pursue this cautiously. You don't want to appear an over jealous / insecure lover, but you definitely don't want to lose your girlfriend to him.
Ultimately, I think you should either keep a close on the situation. If you feel it is slipping out of control or your girlfriend is crossing the line, than it's time to step in and express your feelings of discomfort -- in a mature fashion. Her attitude and reaction will tell you volumes about the amount of respect she has for you and your relationship and what life will be like later if you get married.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): Do NOT get married anytime soon!!! Seriously. Wait it out for a while. There are too many if's here. You see the red flags, don't ignore them.
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