A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Please help me!Okay, so I check my bfs phone every now and then ... i never find/see anything innappropriate so, im always happy with what i see, checking his phone kindda reassures me that - well i dont really know cause i know that he wouldnt do anything really.But, i was with him one night and his flat mate called him, so he went thro (they are both in a band togeaher) he came back to me saying that his friend was asking for his help on a piece of music, but he decided not to help him and watch a movie with me. the next day, i told him that if his friend ever needed help again, i wouldnt mind waiting while he done so. he then thanked me and said that it meant alot that i said that, then he said that he was going to text him and see how he got on with his music and why he didnt help.when he was in the shower, he gave me his phone so i could play - angry birds, sooo good! anyways, when i was on the home screen, he receieved a message from his friend, the first line i seen was "ohhh ayee? ;) ..." and my first initia reaction was that hje has told his friend that we were having sex etc so i told him he got a text when he came back and i then asked if he had texted his friend and what he said to him regaurding not helping him.. he then told me, "i said i was snuggling up to you" - totally didnt believe it. so i asked again and then he started hesistating and saying, oh i dont want to say.. i said that i was ... er busy lol. so i said to him did you mean that in a joke? or were you implying that we were having sex (which we were!) and he said a joke .. but i then went home and i texted him saying "if thats all you sent, why did you delete your message you sent him" and his response back was "this cant continue" so i asked him, what? and he texted back "is this the first time youve checked my phone, cause i want you to trust what i said". he said he delted the message incaase i seen it and took it the wrong way and also because he doesnt like his texts getting to 100 - is this guy telling the truth?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2011): Why does it matter what your boyfriend says to his mates? That's what guys do. Just like you probably whine to your friends about nasty habits of his or perhaps share the cheeky thought. You need to respect his privacy more and stop checking his phone.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2011): Firstly, it is not okay to check anyone's phone and shows a deep level of distrust and insecurity on your part. Secondly, you sound really neurotic, sorry, but I think you need some honesty here.
I can tell you one thing, your bf has had enough. Him saying 'this can't continue' is a clear warning from him that he is getting towards the end of his tether. He may well not be in love with you anymore already; he obviously knows you check his phone, people arent stupid. Who the hell would love someone who checked their phone? Soemone who had very low self esteem. In a sense, leaving you is the best thing he can do.
I am speaking from experince here, you are going to push this guy away. I was like this when i was younger and i got dumped CONSTANTLY, i lost some good men.
I hope you find it in yourself to change this behaviour.
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A
female
reader, Star xxx  +, writes (17 June 2011):
 What is it with people thinking it is ok to check their partners phone, its the same as opening their mail which is an offence.
Seriously if you feel the need to check up on him in the early days, then I really dont think you have much of a future.
Trust is one of the most important parts of any relationship and if there is not any it will not work.
There is no point in worrying about what someone might do as you can never truly enjoy a relationship this way.
Chill out and trust more or walk away.
Take care xx
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (17 June 2011):
 Sorry to say this but honestly, your only problem is that he has a bit of banter over the phone with his mates? And you are seriously upset about this and questioning his trust?
I suggest you search this site and look at all the women (and men) who come on here, with their partners texting the opposite sex and wondering if they are cheating. That is a SERIOUS problem, whereas in your case - your boyfriend is simply having a laugh with his mates. That is hardly a big deal now is it?
I think you have some trust and self esteem issues if you respond like this to a simple joke text message, and the fact you need to check his phone frequently is a big warning sign that you have some pretty deep rooted issues with trust and relationships.
All that happened here was he sent a message about being busy (implying he was having sex with you) - something young men do frequently, like showing off to his mates that he is getting some. Childish - yes. Is it a big deal - no. He obviously knows that you check up on him and he will have thought ahead that you might play with his phone whilst he is having a shower, so to avoid pissing you off he deleted the sent message to save an argument. Yes it was silly to delete the message, and yes it is silly to make sex jokes with your friends. Most men will delete any texts that might be taken the wrong way by their girlfriends because they know women over-react to anything involving sex. And obviously your boyfriend knows you too well, and here you are over-reacting about a simple joke with a male friend.
But that is all this is - SILLY! You should just be happy that he is texting his friend and not another woman. Try and work on your own issues rather than taking it out on him and checking up on him, it is not his fault that you cant trust him - you need to look at yourself rather than worrying about him and work on your issues.
Try and stop yourself from checking his messages, a mobile phone should not be your source of reassurment - your boyfriend should be the one to make you feel reassured. So work on your issues, have a think about why you need to check his phone, and how you can resolve the problem that creates the 'need'. Trust is so important in a relationship and if you cant trust your boyfriend you will only push him away, so if you dont sort yourself out you might end up losing him.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, totty-flossy +, writes (17 June 2011):
 Is it really the worst thing if your boyfriend was bragging about you having sex? Why would that even bother you? I dont think your wrong for checking your boyfriends phone but i dont think you fully trust him if you feel the need for reassurance! If i was you i would just let this go and forget it! if he says he didn't say it then just accept it even if you dont believe him because at the end of the day even if he had said it, its not the end of the world! xx
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