A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hi,i'm really struggling with my bf of nearly a year.or maybe its me? I feel so insecure in this relationship. He told he loved me for the first time last xmas and i think the honeymoon period has been over for a few months now.He still hasn't told his parents about me although he lives with them to save. I've not met any local friends either! There was an invite to a couple of bbq's around easter but we didnt go. I've also invited him to meet my family but he avoids meeting people, although he's met my kids, one of them lives with me andknows him well now, he's also met my neice who visit me a few times when he was here and she's about ten years younger than me. I'm struggling with what he really feels about me, could he really love me if he doesn't include me in his life?He's very secure within himself and can't understand me because i have needs such as needing affection. I dont ask anything of him except affection and companionship. I pay my share with everything although we dont go out much, and i seem to provide all the hospitality as he comes to my house all the time, i cant go to his house because he lives with his parents. I understand his reasons for not telling his parents about me, he doesn't want them asking lots of questions and asking if he's seeing me ect. But as our relationship's coming up to nearly a year in july, is this right that he doesn't introduce me to local friends or even tell his parents and family about me? I'm getting paranoid and have told him but he doesn't seem to understand my point of view, talking about the pluses of our relationship and that i shouldn't compare what we have to other couples. I dont want to end things but i'm beginning to wonder if i've wasted a year of my life and if i should move on! or give it more time to evolve, although i dont think things are evolving if he wont introduce me to anyone local! (i've met a couple of friends from an area he used to live in for a year but no one local).Thanks for your time
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2011): HelloHe's living with his parents, but it sounds like you have your own home, (most adults who can afford it chose to live in a home of their own)the word parasite comes to mind, just be careful please,I take it you're in a sexual relationship with him, so he comes to be with you, but returns to the life of a bachelor when he wants... he also seems un-emotional, all you tell sounds so wrong... you also seem to put yourself down quite a bit, I've been down this road a little and am not quite out of it yet, so i see what your doing, as i'm still doing it now.It's the hardest thing in the world to walk away, but start to look around and see what else is out there... please.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2011): Hi, I'm the person who asked the question.Thanks for answering, Cindy cares, the reasons he has for not telling his parents are that he's a private person and been living with his parents since separating from his ex gf 18 months ago. He doesn't like telling them all the details of his life and likes to keep some privacy. Also he's had his fingers burnt by his past relationships over the years and he doesn't want to introduce me only for us to end. As for friends, he hasnt given a reason really, he doesnt have many but a few are single and afew are married but ones been travelling for many months with his wife and the other major friend is married to a woman he doesn't seem to like. He doesnt go out much.Anonymous lady, He's just turned 46 a couple of weeks ago, left his ex gf 18 months ago and lives with his parents to save up money as its so expensive and he can't afford to rent on his own. But, your so right! the relationship is all about him and i've realised it is a form of controlling behaviour! And sexlessintheuk, he isnt married, in fact, he makes a point of saying he doesn't believe in marriage! I've been getting ready to end things if they don't improve and i know i need to concentrate on myself again, get fitter, make the effort to be more sociable and probably move on. i'm feeling stronger for realising that he is controlling this relationship without considering me, and it is controlling behaviour which is something i don't want so unless i've had words with him and told him its up to him to compromise or i'm moving on! tough words finally! but things need to change if he wants me.Thank you all for answering, especially anonymous lady who said about controlling and being all about him him him! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2011): How old is this guy? He's living with his parents and he won't commit or talk about you or socialise? Your post focuses on him him him and what he lets you do - he is actually controlling your relationship! It is not flowing like it should and is certainly not healthy. I would prepare to move on. In any case you need to build yourself a social life - hobbies, interests ets - try meetup.com - perhaps that way you will see there is more than this and perhaps he will see sense. You cannot put your life on hold any more.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 June 2011):
 I don't understand his reasons instead . What reasons ? If his parents ask him " Are you seeing this lady ?" he can say " yes I am ( dating is not against the law ! ) " or he can say " I'd rather not to talk about it " and change subject.
I don't know enough about the matter to state that yes, there is definitely something fishy, but if I were in your situation I guess my gut feelings would be the same.
In nearly one year, being introduced to mutual friends it's generally something that... just happens, you don't have to plan or make a formal decision about it. You just get gradually more involved in each other's life , .. and when that does not happen, there is always a reason.
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