A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello Everyone, I have never done this before but I will try my best to describe my situation. So I met this guy about 8 years ago and we were going for an arranged marriage. We thought we weren't ready as yet so we called the idea off. Although we then started talking to each other and eventually dated for 3 years. We decided we will get married but I don't know what happened, suddenly he called it off. As much heart broken I was, I decided to listen to my parents (who believe in arranged marriages) and went right ahead. The man I got married to was physically, emotionally and financially abusive. I was married for 2 years until things really got worse after the birth of my child and I decided to leave him. I went through very hard times with this man as violence in the family was new to me( I had never seen my parents fighting EVER). I missed my bf crazily and I could only wish to call him once and tell him that I am not ok with the break up but I didn't because I never had a closure or any idea why he called the marriage off at the first place. I believe that you cannot force any relationship to anyone. They should happen on its own. So through multiple social network online websites I always knew what was going on his life and I guess he did too. After my separation with my husband, I decided I cannot keep thinking of men anymore and will do something with my life again ( I am a very successful business woman). The only time I never thought about my bf was the time he happened to contact me on his own after 5 years!! He said he has missed me so much in his life but he is married now(which I obviously knew it from before). He has also mentioned that he was not ready to get married at that time with me so he was really scared and could not end it properly. Some clues that he has given me are that he wished he married me because we had such a good time together (we really did) and I would have gotten along so well with everyone in his family too. It made me think that why are you not happy with your wife right now? I didn't ask because I wanted him to talk but the question remained in my mind. He kind of does feel that things happened with me because he wasn't able to get married to me. I do not understand the "code" language but my question is that I still love him a lot, I always did and when we talk, we can talk for hours and we still have that same spark as we did before 5 years. I want to know if his intention is to get back with me (since we have been talking for a bit now) or does he just feel pity on me? Sometimes from his conversations, it feels like he wants me to wait but would not say it clearly. I am really confused and any help would be appreciated.Thanks!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2013): I agree with CindyCares, if he is unhappy why can't he leave his wife. you as a woman could do it, then so can he. and you should tell him that.
He is preying on you. He is using your emotional weakness and vulnerabilities to use you.
Next time he says something about unhappiness.. ask him to leave his wife. If he says something about having feelings for you.. tell him to leave his wife first and then get into another relationship.
He is trying to take advantage of your feelings for him and trying to abuse emotional vulnerabilities to use you.
Make new friends. let bygones be bygones.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 January 2013):
 Don't wait. He is married now, and the very fact that as a married man he is romancing an ex flame, make him a shady character, regardless of his presumed unhappiness.
Presumed, because if he was really that unhappy, ...he would have left his wife. YOU were unhappy with your husband, could not take it any more- and left him, didn't you ? And as a woman from a traditional culture which still believes in ararnged marriage, it must have been doubly as hard.
So why this unhappy wimp can't be a single ,happy man if he really wants ?... Because he's too wimp and never would find the guts to leave his marriage- or because his marriage is not that bad after all. Maybe a bit of both.
I also don't see how you could trust anything he says or implies or suggest now, after the way he treated you at the time. He was a coward, he did not even have the guts to explain you exactly how and why he could not marry you etc., he preferred to just fade away, leaving you to guess, wonder and suffer ... easy to come out after 5 years , when he is not available anymore, with some pointless explanation that he should have given you THEN.
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