A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy in November and we got together. It was getting quite serious and we felt the same way about each other. He recently had some life-changing news (ex-girlfriend is pregnant with his baby) and he is finding it extremely difficult to deal with. He seems to have gone into a state of emotional paralysis. Since he found out, I have barely heard from him. We have exchanged maybe 3 texts and spoken on the phone once. I told him during this phone call that I care about him and want to be there for him. He told me that he cares about me too and was really happy the times that we were together. He said he would call me soon (over a week ago). I know that what he's going through is huge and I can only imagine how difficult it must be and how helpless he feels. I would like to be there for him and support him in any way I can. I like him a lot and I don't want to lose him and I know that he liked me a lot before this happened. I understand that he is going through a very difficult thing and I feel terribly for him.However, maybe it sounds selfish but I am also having a difficult time because of this. I have no idea if we're together or not. I'm worried about him and gutted that I might not see him again. I feel like I've been dumped without being told about it, even though the rational part of me tells me that he wouldn't deliberately do something like that. I have to go to work and pretend that everything is fine but I feel awful inside. I don't know my place in his life because we only got together so recently, so I don't know if he even wants me around or not. I'm so confused because he hasn't told me either way. I'm 29 but have no experience of a healthy relationship so I don't know how to behave, I don't know if I'm being annoying if I text him or call him. I wish that I could see him. Is it unreasonable/pushy to ask to meet him and talk to him about the future when he's facing such a huge change?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answers. Though it is possible, of course, I don't think that he has got or wants to get back together with his ex. From what I understand, he ended their relationship in August after things got progressively worse between them and they had had zero contact until she rang him to tell him about the pregnancy. She also lives on another continent. So I don't know if it's that. He told me when we spoke on the phone that he feels he has no right to ask anything of me when everything is such a mess. Maybe he was just saying this, I don't know. I know we were together for a very short time but I really felt like he was a genuinely good person (and still believe he is). This is also why I'm finding the whole thing so painful. I'd never had anything real or good before, I'd only been let down and abused by men so for this to happen when I had finally met someone who treated me well feels so cruel. I'm trying not to feel sorry for myself but it's difficult.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (17 January 2013):
 I'm thinking he's going to try to make it work with the recent ex.
I would operate on the assumption that it's over.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (17 January 2013):
Right now i can understand how upset you must be feeling and since he is not contacting its more upsetting.But he is after a big shock that will last a lifetime.The best thing to do is let him have all the space he needs to sort out his head which must be in a muddle now .Let him decide what his feelings are with regard the mother of his child and you. The worse thing you could do would be to pressure him at this time,Time will sort this out. Best Luck Nora B.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2013): All things considered, I would consider it over. The ex-girl friend is having his baby, so maybe she won't be his ex but his actual partner for now, maybe for the baby they will give it another go. If you have not heard from him I would let it go. It was a very short relationship and he may not formally want to end it - men are not good at these things. It is hard on you, but for your own sense of self-esteem, just see the writing on the wall.
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