A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am in a long distance relationship of more than 2 years with a really wonderful man. We are really close and speak every day for at least 3 - 4 hours. He has had 2 previous marriages and one long relationship of 10 years. Trouble is the following: He dated this girl in his teens, they split and he married the mother of his child (felt it was the right thing to do). The marriage never worked and he divorced and went back to his teen girlfriend. They were together 10 years and he really loved her. They split under mutual agreement (never wanted the same things in life). A couple of years later he re married another female and this lasted 2 years. After that relationship he contacted his teen girlfriend again but she was involved and the correspondence fizzled out from her side. He has assured me that he is over his teen girlfriend but still gets a strange tinge in his voice if he speaks of her. Do you think he is still in love with her 12 years later?? I still feel if she wanted him back he would jump! Am I being silly??
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (5 May 2010):
 Let me ask you something. Is it okay to have feelings for someone who has made an impact on your life? I think it is. Just because two people had a past, doesn't mean they have to toss away all feelings for that person, although they may not be physically there. He said their lives were not heading in the same direction. That being so, their not together, but it's okay to still love someone, even though you are with someone else. Think of it this way, because I know it came across wrong, and with this point, and example is needed.
I have four children, all of which have different personalities that make up their individuality. I love them all equally despite their differences. (children, bad example but it's the point of individual differences) We are in a society that says because you're not with this person you cannot love this person or have feelings toward them. I know people, who have been in similar situations, who will openly say that they still love their ex, although they are not compatible. They love them for being an individual who they have had a shared experience with. I think in this situation, it'd be similar. I guess my point is that it's okay for him to love her as an individual and love you as an individual, and if compatible, grow the love you have for each other into the intimate, romantic relationship you are seeking at this time.
Think of it this way. If you found that you were not compatible, and separated where he was still a nice guy, treated you well etc. Could you still love him as an individual and a good person he's been to you, without marriage in the future? It could be as the love two good friends share without ever being romantically involved. I don't think if she asked, he'd jump back to her, because their is still the decision of incompatibility.
Confusing answer to a simple question, but I hope this helps you. Take care.
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