A
female
age
41-50,
*issybrit
writes:Hi, I really need some advice on my situation.Have been seeing a married man for 2 and half years and both in love with each other and see each other lots, had few holidays and weekends away etc.He has 2 children under 18 but not babies and been married 20 yrs but with no physical contact at home for a long time.5 weeks ago I told him I couldnt continue because of the stress and he begged me to carry on seeing him even though he said was difficult to leave because of youngest.I managed to cut off contact until this week when he text me out of the blue that he misses me so much and thought the reason Id left was because I met someone else which was'nt true. I met up with him and he said he will leave on around or just after xmas and that we can move into a flat if Im 100% committed as he is scared that once we move in, I'll get bored because he is older than me (by 12 years). He also said that his wife may be getting laid off at work and if that happens, it would delay things with us because he wouldnt want to leave his kids in the lurch if her finances were'nt in order.This may sound daft but he is a genuine family guy and the times we are together are amazing and we laugh about things for hours, it's also not just sex as we see each other when that would'nt be possible.Im getting a little stressed already about it, wondering what will happen and if to believe what he is saying and would be grateful of any advice.Many Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2009): well said Rhythm "He stands to loose too much of his comfortable life if he does, he is a selfish pig and so are you"
WHILe this man was out f*cking around during the holidays and weekends his FAITHFUL wife is holding the fort with the kids and looking forward to his return with bated wifely breath!
by the way, just to let you know:
my father did not leave my mother for his "love of his life"'
my bro in law did not leave my sister
my father in law did not leave his wife. even had a kid out of wedlock.
my sisters bf did not leave her.
my husbands bro did not leave his wife.
what do the above people have in common. they all strayed but did not find anyone worthy enough to replace their wives. makes you think doesn't it.
watch as the cookie crumbles.............."genuine family guy", good gracious, now i have heard it all!
A
female
reader, boo22 +, writes (8 October 2009):
 Hi there, I began to read your post with an open mind cos sometimes the guy does leave his wife for the mistress. This happened to a friend of mine who had been dating a married guy for around seven years.
They are now married, much to my utter amazement and i had to give her an apology as i always said he would never leave his wife.
My friend and i had an argument over all this,as i was convinced he would never leave and i was proved wrong.
They've been married a few years now and i got a call from her recently saying she thought he might be cheating on her,but couldn't prove anything.
Having read your post i find it a bit odd that you call him a " genuine family guy " Genuine guys don't cheat on their wives for years hun!!
Another thing, when a married man says he isn't having sex with his wife HE'S LYING,THEY ALWAYS ARE!!
He sounds like he's lining up his excuses not to leave already 1. wife's laid off 2. he's scared that you'll be bored. 3. any nimber of reasons regarding the kids.
Whats the incentive for him to leave his wife? He's getting everything he needs off you now without having to move a muscle. Sex, love, support etc. All his needs are met, what about yours?
good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2009): I'm not going to tell your what you're doing is wrong because you're old enough to know better. The only thing is I'm going to tell you is that if you are looking for a stable relationship, you are not going to get that. Every woman that gets into these type of situations are always lonely, miserable, and confused. You have already wasted 2 years of your life and he hasn't left yet. Why would you continue to stay with this man and be no. 2 when you deserve to be no.1? I also want you to pay attention to something as well. Whenever you bring up where the relationship is going, he always have an excuse am I right? Someone who wants to leave would have done it already. So think about it. He's a waste of your time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2009): Wow, this is just such a heart warming story. All the holidays and weekends you have spent together while his wife was somewhere else paying the bills and cleaning the house and wiping snotty nosed kids...or something like that.
MARRIED MEN DO NOT LEAVE THEIR WIVES FOR THEIR MISTRESSES.
He stands to loose too much of his comfortable life if he does, he is a selfish pig and so are you. You can't have the crumbs of someone elses life and expect to ever hold high esteem in their hearts and minds. You are simply a diversion, a fantasy, a younger piece of flesh for him.
Do yourself a favor and stop being a direct threat to his wife and family and take yourself out of the Hallmark Christmas movie you are creating in your mind. It isn't real, this is an imaginary relationship with this man that you have, nothing more.
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A
female
reader, itiswhatitis  +, writes (7 October 2009):
I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news but he will NEVER leave his wife and straighten up..If you think he lives withher and they are not sexual then you are mistaken...also know he will down play everything about their relationship. If he was so into you he would have left a long time ago with the clothes on his back... There are two options; he will leave his wife for you and then cheat on you with someone else OR he'll keep stringing you on and never leave her.Don't be surprised if there are a few women on the side.. cheaters cheat in numbers... I have 5 brothers and know 1st hand that once you have cheated with a married man you loose your credibility with them. They figure you will only cheat with someone else if they marry you. My most notorious brother once put it... " she's not wife material why do you think she messes with a married man"... So to put it bluntly you get what your give. I would advise you to set standards for yourself and STOP messing with married men. It definately says something about you as a woman. it's hard but so rewarding.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 October 2009):
 Listen to the kitten. He's stringing you along and will always come up with an excuse why he can't leave his wife "right at this point in time but definitely in the future". If you keep buying it you will end up all alone looking back on a very disappointing life while he's sitting on the couch with his wife looking at the pictures of the grand-kids.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2009): YOU are putting undue pressure on this man to leave his wife and kids. you knew the score when you started sleeping with this man. he texted you out of the blue, not because he was missing you, but because he was missing the sex you have been providing on the sly for the past 2.5 years. so the geniune family man wants to leave his family around xmas. so much for happy holidays. to top it off his wife will be getting laid off work and this means that the kids will have no father, and no financial wellbeing. why? because you would have taken that luxury away from them. he claims that he doesn't want to leave them in a lurch but you don't care, you just want the married man for yourself. you are like a typical mistress, biting your nails, anxiously awaiting someone elses husband. how do you manage the holidays and weekends away with the family man. instead of taking you away on luxury get aways for sex maybe he should start saving this money to pay for child support when he ends his marriage. you sound cold when you talk about his kids. will you accept them as well as their father, or do you only want their father. right now your life is a bed of roses with him only, but when he brings along his 2 kids, the love nest (flat) would seem a little cramped.
pushy other woman who give their married lovers an ultimatum often live to regret it. even of this man leaves his wife and kids for you how long do you think you will last with him?
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (7 October 2009):
 Well, speaking from experience, I can relate to lots of that. I was seeing a guy years ago that was 17 yrs older than me, he was married. Had been bringing her 11 yr old daughter up from quite young, and she didn't have any contact with her biological dad, so she's was pretty much his. He did actually leave his wife in the end, within a few months, he rented a room in a shared house, and we didn't just have sex, we used to go out for days, go to watch a major football team most weekends during footie season. It was good. But he eventually went back to her. And 8 years on, he is still with her, well, he was when I saw them walking their dog a couple of months ago anyway.
I personally think its very unlikely that blokes will leave the status quo. Even when they say they will. And be careful about buying into all that 'we dont sleep together anymore' I had all that from him. Its rarely true. Apparently the majority of men will leave their wife within a year. If they dont by then, its unlikely to happen. Thats statistics though.
But from what you say, the odds are stacked against it working for you in the long run.
I wouldn't ever go near an attached person again. But thats just because ive been there and bought the t shirt and seen how many people can get hurt. Nothing would make me wanna go down that road again. Especially if they have children. Looking back, I was the most selfish, self centred cow around. An 11 yr olds feelings were involved for god sake. x
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