A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I recently got into a relationship with a close friend of mine (February 14, 2014), and we've been taking things slowly. He seems like he's happy about this, but I have a slight feeling that he's scared to commit to being in a relationship. If that is the case, I'd like to know how to get him more comfortable so that he doesn't feel pressured to be with me. To start things off, I suspected that he liked me for nearly three months, asking me to hang out every week, emailing me daily to ask if I was feeling alright, giving me compliments all the time, offering to come over in the middle of the night if I was upset, things like that. I liked another guy for a while, and my friend knew that too, but he never gave up. Finally my crush on the other guy went away and I thought that maybe I could see if there was any chance for my friend to be more than, well, just my friend. I started hanging out with him a lot more often, and I realized that we have a great connection. It's completely different than any other relationship I've ever had. I feel at ease with him; I truly feel like myself. And him? I've noticed a change in his attitude towards a lot of things. He's happier than I've ever seen him before, and he's opened up to me about a lot of his life. During school we're practically inseparable when we don't have classes. When we hang out outside of school, he sometimes randomly grabs me and holds me, and neither of us wants to let go. So, after all of this and the kiss we shared the day before we officially became a couple (I found out I was his first kiss), I brought up the topic of dating and he seemed excited by it. The problem I have is that he seems a bit afraid of being my boyfriend. He admits that he thinks about me all the time, he cares deeply for me and that he wants nothing more than for me to be happy, but he seems intimidated by the fact that we're no longer just "friends". He doesn't seem to like PDA a lot right now, and he told me that he doesn't want to be teased by our friends (They like to tease a lot, and sometimes it's embarrassingly annoying). Also, since he doesn't have a lot of experience, he doesn't want to cuddle up or kiss me in front of people because he doesn't want to be judged. He told me that he's not used to being in a relationship and that he wants to get used to it. When we're alone he doesn't mind being close to me; in fact, he loves holding me for hours. We're slowly progressing; for example, we went out for a walk in the rain during the night and he grabbed my hand as we were walking. He also swooped down and gave me a long kiss at one point, and he stopped to hold me tightly for a few minutes. There weren't many people around, but when there were people around, he didn't seem to mind them watching us holding each other. He's met both of my parents, and they love him, and I'm going to his house to meet his parents tomorrow. Is he ready for a relationship? How could I help him be more comfortable? I'm an extremely patient person, so is it a smart idea to go slow and not worry so much about the fact that we're dating? I want him to know that I don't want to pressure him, but at the same time I want him to know that I'm committed to being his girlfriend and not just acting like we have more of a "friends-with-benefits" type of thing. He says he wants to be with me, so should I take his word for it?
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (18 February 2014):
 "is it a smart idea to go slow and not worry so much about the fact that we're dating?" - YES.
PDA's are not the be all and end all, the most important thing is how he acts when you are alone. After all, a relationship is between 2 people, not 2 people and the rest of the world. If he doesnt want to kiss and cuddle in public that's perfectly normal and you need to relax - I'm a girl and wouldnt want my man kissing or cuddling me in public, PDA's are gross!
Every person has a different personality, some are super affectionate in public, others are more private. I think what has happened here is that now you are officially boyfriend and girlfriend, he wants to keep things a bit more private so your friends dont know every little detail and embarrass you both.
And that's a good approach to a relationship - you dont want lots of other people involved otherwise it gets complicated.
So try and relax, be happy that you are finally together and dont pressure him into PDA's if he's not comfortable with it. PDA's dont make a good relationship, quality time alone where you are affectionate and have fun is WAY more important.
If you are as patient as you claim, then you wont have a problem slowing the PDA side of things down, wait for him to hold your hand and let him go at his own pace.
It sounds like he is ready for a relationship, he simply doesnt want the drama a relationship can bring hence why he is trying to avoid the PDA's to stop your friends getting involved. Be happy with your new relationship, enjoy it and stop worrying - I think he sounds very sensible for a teenage boy and is doing things the right way, instead of being a bit of a player and showing off about you in front of your friends.
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