A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 10 months dint give me anything for valentines day, I'm not being superficial but I thought he'd atleast put in some effort because I took a lot of time in picking his gift and brought him 2 things, not that I was expecting anything in return but he just gave me flowers and lit like 4 candles In the room.. Although I did like he kept flower bouquet on the bed and lit the place with candles I just felt like he made no effort..I feel sad when I hear the things my friends boyfriends did for them..why do I feel like this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2014): I know a guy who made a fuss of his girlfriend, he's also on the net looking for casual sex with strangers.
A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (19 February 2014):
One time, I had a boyfriend buy me a trash can for Valentine's Day...flowers and some candles would have been nicer.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2014): A bouquet of flowers is a gift and lighting some candles is romantic. Stop being so selfish. Myself and my boyfriend didn't get each other anything, I'm a designer so I handmade him a card. He's not a designer but tried his hand to create a cute card in Photoshop which he doesn't know how to use. I thought it was very sweet of him. While I would have loved to be swept away, I know that he loves me everyday so it doesn't really matter!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2014): He "just" bought flowers and lit candles?? I got nothing, I got nothing for my birthday, an email. That's why he is now an ex, because he said he made every day Valentine's day as he has no money, but couldn't once buy me a nice gift with some thought put into it and always had enough money to buy himself nice new shoes, jacket etc. Your guy sounds lovely, if someone had bought flowers for me I'd be over the moon :)
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (18 February 2014):
 This is a major difference between men and women - when a woman says "oh dont worry about getting me anything, I'm not bothered" it secretly means "if you dont get anything I'll be upset for weeks - I want you to surprise me". Problem is men dont understand this 'secret' language women have, so when you say to your boyfriend "dont worry I dont want anything" he takes that at face value. If you were planning on getting him lots of thoughtful things for valentines, you should have told him that you are getting him some gifts and are excited to see what he has for you. That way he knows you are buying him something so he will get something for you in return.
Remember men are simple creatures, they dont understand the hidden meanings women have with every word they say and they take things literally - you have to make it crystal clear. So ok it takes some of the romance out of it, but Valentines day is not a big deal to men like it is some women so they are never going to understand why women get so crazy over it.
And finally just a little word on valentines day because it drives me crazy - Valentines day is for SINGLE PEOPLE. The whole principle behind it was for people with a crush to tell their crush, anonymously, that they like said person (with a '?' on the card). Card and gift shops realised many years ago that there are more people in relationships than are single, therefore to make more money they would market valentines day as the 1 day a year you have to declare your love for your partner. THIS IS A LIE. And now all us people in relationships make single people feel like crap with our gushy romantic nonsense, when actually the day should have been for them in the first place.
You should know your boyfriend loves you EVERY DAY, not just on the 14th Feb. Why should he follow the masses and buy you overpriced crap just because the day has a name? Surely him buying you a spontaneous present on the 14th March or 14th April would have more meaning? Love shouldnt be shown on just one day a year, love should be 365 days a year.
So stop being so petty, forget what your friends boyfriends are doing (after all they are just sheep following the crowds) and be thankful you have a boyfriend who loves you, and enjoy the moments throughout the year when he shows you he loves you - not just on the one day a year Hallmark says he should declare his love.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 February 2014):
 Wow he got you flowers and lit candles. That's more than lots of women got.
you say "he didn't get me anything" but he did. HE GOT YOU flowers and he thought to light candles.
My husband ordered two charms for me for my bracelet. NO card.. NO candles.. no flowers, no "happy valentines day" he even had them wrapped for him... NO effort but to go online and order them and have them shipped to his office.
I got him a stuffed sock monkey, beef jerky in a furry heart, a card, a cup and some candy. He threw everything but the beef jerky and the cup out.. and he hates the cup (he told me this yesterday).
WHY do you feel hurt, sad and angry? Well what were you hoping for? why do you feel let down?
and if your relationship works the rest of the time why are you comparing him to others?
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (18 February 2014):
 You expected more hence the fact that you are disappointed. I suggest you have a discussion not now closer to special occasions and tell him what you like. In passing you can say I would like to be swept off my feet with romantic diner, chocolate and perfume.
Don't forget to mention its not about valentines day but about at least on the odd occasion to be made to feel special over and above the normal days of loving you. Hey I don't blame you , even I like to feel pampered and spoilt and yet I agree valentines day is commercialised.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 February 2014):
 Because you are not being honest with yourself. You say you weren't EXPECTING anything in return, but YOU WERE/ARE. Otherwise you wouldn't have been disappointed.
My advice TALK to him. Tell him about expectations for days like Valentine's, Birthdays and Christmas. Set a limit on the amount you each can spend and so forth.
Personally, I think Valentine's Day is a phony/fake "holiday" meant to generate money for florists, chocolate producers and jewelers. Nothing more. But I do get that some people feel it is about romance. However, I expect (yes EXPECT) my husband to show me love 365 days a year, not just 1 day a year (and no, not with gifts).
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