A
female
age
30-35,
*r_girl
writes:So... i broke up with my bf two months ago. We were together for five years, in a long distance relationship, and we had a lot of arguments; at first, he was really hurt, and so was i. I didn't want to break up with him, but i am goig through a hard time in college and with my family, and he was making things worse.Even though we broke up, we didn't stop talking. we were more friendly to each other appart than together. occasionally, he'd say something a bit offensive, but i understood, he was still hurt from the fact that we were no longer together (he told me that).The thing is, one week ago, he started getting annoyed by everything i say! for example, he used to sleep a lot, and i teased him about it all the time! i called him sleepyhead, i used to joke that he loved his bed more than me... he never said he didn't like the teasing, he used to laugh and even make jokes about himself. Today, we were talking and i made a joke about his sleeping habits that i used to do all the time and he was really offended! he stoped talking to me immediately and when i called him to figure out what happened, he said that it was obvious that he would be offended, and even though i reminded him that i used to make this joke all the time and it never bothered him, he was rude to me. i even apologised!Now, i wonder, is he punishing me for breaking up with him? i really thought we were ok...i told him it's better for us if we stop talking for a while, am i right?i feel bad... i really love him, but when we were together, he'd hurt me a lot... and after no longer being together, he was great. what changed?thanks!ps: he told me a couple weeks ago that he wasn't seeing anyone and that he thinks we will get back together, but he didn't ask me anything so far...
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broke up, get back together, long distance, teasing Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Orbiter  +, writes (2 July 2011):
No I don't think he is punishing you.
I think it's obvious the break up really upset him and that he still has/had feelings for you. Maybe he's a bit oversensitive about things. It could also be that the sleep jokes reminded him of when you were together and hit a sore spot. I mean it could even be he was really tired and having a bad day.
Out of interest when he said he thinks you might get back together what did you say? Or hasn't it even been discussed much? If he said that and you didn't say much, he might have taken that as rejection and been a bit annoyed/upset over it.
Or maybe he finds being friends with too difficult with all the feelings involved and would prefer to cut contact. So is trying to sever ties.
If I were you I would stop talking for a while (especially if you have no intention of getting back together) let him initiate contact again when he feels ready. If he does and continues to be rude then just stop talking to him as it would probably be best for both of you.
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