A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I went on a couple dates several months ago with this guy. Our dates were really fun and physical but we never did anything sexual, just kissed. We made plans for our third date but when I checked in to confirm, he never replied, deleted me from the dating site we met on and ghosted me for a whole month! He came back afterwards and gave me a lame excuse for his behavior but I never answered him. He kept showing up on my dating profile feed but I always bypassed him. Finally, six months later he showed up again on there and just out of curiosity, I "liked" him and low and behold, we matched again. Does this mean he wants to see me again? Why is he playing games? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2019): Tricks (Trix) are for kids! You have no time for games!
Prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for online-dating. It's just dating and testing-out personalities for a good match. Sometimes it is as impersonal as trying on pumps or sneakers at the shoe store.
Remember you're on trial! It may take two, three, maybe more dates to determine if you're a good-match; and considered a reasonably decent pick among many.
Go in with a level-head, and objective perspective; because everyone is on good-behavior from the start. After a few dates, true colors or blemishes start to show. It means your novelty has warn-off; and now they want to go back online and find a fresh new face. It's a candy store, and you're sometimes just the flavor of the week/month. Sex is always on the agenda, regardless of gender.
Here's a few things to consider. Check the profile to see if this person mentions "looking for companionship and short-term dating." Do they show a lot of activity? Maybe they'll mention something to the effect, they aren't seeking anything serious. If there is any clue or hint that they're not seeking long-term dating, or seeking a relationship; consider that a disclaimer or fair warning. They just wanna play!
They don't always have to put it in writing; it's often implied. Caveat emptor! You're either too excited or you're too happy to get a date; you're not picking-up subtle hints during conversation. Maybe because you're too involved in talking about yourself. You're delighted that you were asked for a 2nd, 3rd, even a 4th date! WOW!
Then *silence!*
If they cancel dates, avoid meeting-up after weeks or months of messaging. Always feeling sick, have unexpected call-in's to work (seriously, who gets that these days?); or have mass graves in their backyards! RED-FLAGS! Huge Warning Banners! Alarms, Bells and Buzzers!!! Abort mission! You're being jerked around! Unless you know he's a medical-intern on-call; people with good-jobs know their work-schedules well ahead of time!
There's always the frauds, players, and trolls!
Married-people pretending to be single, people already committed, but looking for a side-fling; or someone on a mission to re-build their crushed self-esteem. These jokers often scam people into multiple dates. You'd be surprised at the number of them; because it's basically online-shopping for faces and bodies! Until you actually meet, you don't really know the story! So be chill and go with the flow.
Check the ring finger! Is he constantly looking over his shoulder? Always picks a dark corner of the bar or restaurant?
They'll pullout all the stops. Spend a lot of cash! You'll get great conversation, they'll seduce you into sex on the first-date, you'll go on some great dates; and you'll start to get attached!
Suddenly...dead-air! They disappear, never to be heard from again. Sometimes they'll resurface after missing in action. My advice, don't date someone who dissed you by ghosting you and leaving you hanging with no explanation. Why would you?
Why not? Because it is desperate and beneath your dignity. They may have ditched you to tryout someone else; while they had you on-hold. Lesser of evils! They're using you as the consolation prize or a band-aid to place over their wounded ego; after being rejected, or kicked to the curb. Some guys are seeing more than one female (or guy) at a time; and has one waiting on standby in-case one doesn't workout.
Then there are guys with wives and girlfriends who are just looking for side-chicks. Ladies are players too, but I'm educating you right now. If you had to ask, you need to know!
Delete, block, and forget any guy who would treat you like that guy treated you! He might even be really hot and sexy; but if you got him, you can get another! Better!
Don't inflate his ego at the expense of your own self-esteem, or your self-respect!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2019): He has a girlfriend or wife and when they're not getting along he plays. Then they makeup and he'll be a "ghost" for a while until he's ready to play again.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 January 2019):
 I absolutely agree with N91.
My guess is he was seeing someone else for the month he blocked you. That didn't work out so he contacted you and you ignored him so.. he went back to HIS little list and 6 months later he is on the list, you on his.
The guy RECYCLES women on the dating site. He ghosts you and then gives you a lame excuse... And you find THAT attractive? Something to "try" again?
If it was me I'd block and move on. WHY waste time on a guy who acts like this? what is there to like?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 January 2019):
 Because that's the nature of the game. What happened is lamentable but not unusual at all. Many people like to have options, and to keep them open if possible. Probably this guy liked you- but not THAT much ; he wanted to see what else was out there, or he was dating multiple women from the get -go. His alternatives must not have worked out to his satisfaction , so in a few months ... back to plan B .
Sorry, but- only yourself to blame, I'd say. Why, he ghosts you , even deletes you , then he pops up again with an excuse that you say yourself it's " lame "- and then you "like " him again ? What's there to " like " ? unless you like to be ghosted and lied to ? It was out of curiosity, ok- but curiosity killed the cat.
I'd suggest you to address your curiosity, from now on, toward
people who do not give you the run around and show you at least that basic courtesy of cancelling dates in advance if they have a change of heart.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2019): I agree with N91, he already made his bed. At the very least he could have replied to you, even if it was to say he was no longer interested. I think to block you is very immature. I'm not sure why he is playing games but lots of guys act like this if they are speaking to multiple women or the player type. If a guy really likes you, you will know about it, and wouldn't have to type a question asking about it, trust me :-) unless he decides to come to you and make a genuine effort to make it up to you, then he's not worth it
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (24 January 2019):
 Who cares what he wants?
He deleted and blocked you for a month for no reason, does that sound like someone you want to get romantically involved with? Sounds like very immature behaviour.
Block and move on
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2019): It sounds like you two are just dancing around each other. Based on what you said (which isn’t very much), I would give him another chance. Maybe he’s playing games, maybe not. Another date is unlikely to hurt. That’s my humble opinion... if he doesn’t bite, tell him it’s not going to work out, block him, and move on. As for why he ghosted you in the first place... I’m totally speculating about your situation so ignore me if this is irrelevant. When I was in to online dating, I found that scheduling a date in a few days and then going dark until “checking in” just before the date almost always ended in no date. I had much better luck with constant texting (every hour or so) until the date. I suspect the reason is they got talking to someone else or decided I was only looking for sex because I couldn’t bother to get to know them.Either way, I hope that helps. Good luck :)
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