A
female
age
36-40,
*phelia
writes:My boyfriend is a lovely, kind person, but he irritates me with his lack of ambition, lack of hygiene, and terrible diet. He is a slob, who earns more than me, but ends up borrowing my money, which is a drain on a student like me. He has put on so much weight in the two years we have been together, but I don't want to hurt him by telling him that he is becoming less and less attractice to me... Help! Am I wrong to feel so irritated?
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female
reader, Mistify  +, writes (22 November 2007):
 I feel your frustration. Only one solution - and that is to SPEAK up, and FAST.
Speak about your future, and your children (if you're at that point already) and how you would like to set a good example to them. Talk about other people (with more or less the same build as your bf) and tell him how that much fat puts you off.
Also, about the slobbiness. You HAVE to speak up. Tell him that you cannot keep cleaning up after him because you are also tired - and need to study (if you live together) or when you are over to his place tell him that you feel suffocated, and could you rather go to your place... He will ask why - and then you just tell him softly - and honestly - that it is because of the clutter.
You need to address this before you lose ALL your attraction to him - at which point it will be VERY hard to regain that feeling - and will affect everything in your life. TRUST ME on that one. I agree with pgissyd about the healthy eating. Try and cook healthy meals for him more often - and even pack him a lunchbox with healthy snacks, so that he's not tempted to grab a pizza or burger for lunch every day.
It will take a lot of honesty from your side, and a lot of work, but it is possible to change his nasty habbits - as they weren't there when you first started dating... Also - about the money. BE HONEST about that. Tell him that you have dreams, and you HAVE to start saving for them - and by him constantly taking money from you - he's putting your dreams on hold...
Good luck
A
female
reader, pgissyd  +, writes (22 November 2007):
 Right ok. First you do not lend him money for anything. Im guessing his mother used to sub him whenever h asked. put your foot down, he does not borrow from you anymore, no matterhow desperate he is or how much he begs. Secondly do you live with him? If so take control of i meals, cook for him so dinner (healthy but tasty) is on the table for when he comes ome, this will cut down on his junk food habits.
If you dont live with him then come right out and tell him. he is getting fat and your worried about his health, when you go out on dates make sure you walk loads, Maybe cook him a meal instead of going out and generally make everything health concious. If you dont tell him he is getting fat, who will?
Good luck hun xxx
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