A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have recently found messages on my boyfriend's friend's pages of whom he is very close with and hangs out with when he is not with me. the messages were from girls asking them if they wanted to go to strip-clubs with them for a night out.i asked my boyfriend if he had been to a strip club recently and he got really defensive. his reply was,"ask yourself again if i would do that," but he wouldnt give me a yes or a no answer.he knows how i feel about strip-clubs and he knows that if i found out that he had been to one, i would leave him.i asked him to promise that he wont go to one while we are together and he said that he shouldnt have to, and that i should trust him.we had a big argument about it and i told him that it would put my mind at rest if he would just be honest with me and/or promise not to go anymore.also, the way that these girls sent the messages was so casual, it made it sound like thats what they do every weekend or couple of weeks.i havent mentioned anything to my boyfriend since the argument but it still crosess my mind when he goes out with his friends. i think that if i bring it up again, he will finish it with me. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (3 January 2008):
If there is one major thing I have learnt about dating and relationships- it is to trust your gut! Often it is right. Dont try to argue with it and find excuses or 'reasons'...trust your instinct.
Another thing that I know is that when people often dodge a question, dont give you a straight answer, or answer a question with another question, it means they are trying to avoid something- usualy because they are guilty. And it seems to me, from what you said in the conversations you had with your bf, he does this.
It sounds to me that there is a high chance he could be going to strip clubs.
You said at the end of your post, that you are afraid to bring the topic up again because you think he will leave you. Now if this is true then he doesnt sound liek a very good bf in the first place! You have the RIGHT to bring up any issues you may have, you have the right to discuss your feelings and so on and if he cant handle that then you are better off without him in the long run. I think that if he was innocent he woudlnt be acting how he is. He would be alot more sensitive to your feelings I would assume, and he doesnt seem to be at all.
He may never get a answer from him about whether or not he is going to strip clubs- this may be because he actually isnt or because he just wont admit it...either way, you have to stop and take a look at your relationship- how do you feel about it? it seems to me that he gives you little respect, and you are afraid to say how you feel....this isnt good. In a healthy relationship you should be comfortable to talk about anything.
Personally if I was you, I would be considering leaving him. Despite any love you may have for him, you have to remember that it takes more then love for a relationship to work- it takes trust, communication and respect. Ask yourself if you feel these are ALL in your relatiosnhip. From my point of view, they arent. And persnally I dont think it would be worth trying to fix any issues because if he is willing to dump you on the basis that you raise this issue with him, then he isnt worth it.
hope this has helped, let us know how it goes.
A
male
reader, xxSABBYxx  +, writes (3 January 2008):
Hello, Well to be honest all you can do is trust him, what normally works is this..... When its next brought up say to him, "im so glad we are honest with eachother about everything, cause i know you wouldnt lie to me..." then say something like, cause you do know if anything like a strip club happens im out of this relationship for good...!another thing you could do is go to men strip clubs for women!see if he likes you looking at other men... LOLno but seriously its a tuff issue, but you can only dio what you think is best, if he is going to these clubs and knows how much you dont like the idea of him being there, well then he has no respect for you, and then that means no respect for your relationship... Strip clubs are harmless fun lets not forget, unless off course its something more than a dance and a few winks at girls here and thereGood luck hun!xx
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A
male
reader, adrsep4  +, writes (3 January 2008):
Can i ask what were u doing with his friends phone? u have to be smart on how u handle this because it could just turn into a trust arguement... again! and u Have to expect that reaction when u questioned him. it was random and he might of felt like u were checking up on him. don't be so blunt
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A
female
reader, sexylover0017 +, writes (3 January 2008):
You need to stand up and argue in what bothers you; especially 'your' mans going to strip clubs. He shouldnt be doing that- if he is. Either way, I suggest you get an answer out of him and/or maybe talk to his friends. Trust is earned not given automatically and in order for you to trust him he needs to tell you the truth and if he doesnt want to talk- do some sneaky research ;) Good luck
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