A
female
age
51-59,
*ate1967
writes:I'm 49, separated for a year and a half and been dating on and off since that time ... but nothing serious. I have been seeing this man for almost 3 months. We get along great, we have chemistry, he respects me, he doesn't pressure me to spend time with him and allows me to balance work, kids and him.I had a birthday a week ago and he gave me 24 long-stemmed red and white roses and we went out with a couple/friends of mine for dinner this past weekend.I don't know if it's my insecurity, but I'm feeling like he doesn't go out of his way to make plans to see me. His personality is very laid back, although a hard worker. He has a new yellow lab puppy at home that I understand he needs/wants to spend time with training.I suggested to him a month ago that I would like to see him more than once on a weekend like maybe for a few hours one night during the week. He said that would be great but has not invited me over.He texts me regularly. He's not just looking for a friend with benefits. We seem to be on the same page with many goals, etc.However, I sense he is either not that into me, or he's so laid back that he doesn't make plans. It's Thursday and I don't even know if he wants to see me this weekend. I have two kids (16 and 10) at home and I need a bit of a heads up on going out to make sure the kids are dealt with.He is in the process of buying a house. Once he gets this house, I feel it will add just one more thing to his list of being busy and not having time for me.Feeling insecure ... but also a bit sad because I really like this one.I'm financially secure, own my own house and not looking for a friend with benefits. Is this man's seemingly hint of lack of interest a red flag?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 March 2016):
 I am pretty sure I have responded to your post on here before. I think you need to slow it down a little. It has only been three months, give it some time to blossom and grow. It is still only early days. Tell him straight out you feel he is not as in to you as you are to him and say you are going to wait for him to make the arrangements in future.
From the sounds of it, he doesn't like to plan, he thinks you will call him to arrange something, maybe that's just the way he is. If he shows interest in all the other areas, maybe planning is just his bad area.
A
female
reader, Kate1967 +, writes (22 March 2016):
Kate1967 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe is a busy man. And I am a busy woman.
And yes, I'm insecure. He's an amazing person and I feel he could be the one for me. He suits me in so many ways. He meshes with my personality. I love everything about him that I have learned so far. Cautiously optimistic.
He asked me over Saturday. And, he kissed me first.
True, that it's not easy with a laid back man. He's not lazy at all ... in fact the opposite. But to get his input on what he wants to do or even eat is almost impossible.
I will try to be more patient. It's not my nature.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2016): It could be he is busy. Could be your insecurity. It could be a lot of things. But no point in thinking about stuff like that. You have standards in how a guy should interact with you which is good, but you are expecting him to be a certain way and that is the problem. You said that he doesn't pressure you into spending time with him and that he knows you have 2 kids? But you now want him to contact you more to hangout? Maybe he is used to how often you hangout now and he doesn't want to risk smothering and pressuring you into hanging out. Its all a balance and its only been three months. Give it sometime and maybe he will balance it out. Or maybe he wont and that's okay too because often times people who seem like the perfect match for each other don't end up together due to reasons beyond their control. Don't expect things to be a certain way and don't try to control where this relationship goes. Just let it flow and enjoy the ride. If it works out, then great and if it doesn't that's okay too.
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A
female
reader, NORA B +, writes (17 March 2016):
Its not easy with a laid back man,but it is always wiser to wait for the suggestion of seeming more of you to come from him.However you could explain to him,that it would be helpful if he could let you know in advance of your meetings-because you have to make arrangements re your 2 children,and this he would understand and know.With regards to this guy buying a new house,use this as positive.For example,he may very well appreciate your advise on curtains.color of paint.furniture,e ct.So give it a little time and see what happensAlso it seems this guy has a quiet personaility you would know this better,maybe that is why he is slow to react.Kind wishes NORA B.
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