A
female
age
41-50,
*EDDIEBERR
writes:Im in a new relationship (3mths), we had our 1st big agrument Tue. Long story short, he was MIA for 5 hrs (phone dead) but I have expressed the need for communication and being accessible for each other (kids). Next day phone dead all day while he was at work (constrution worker). Cheating its a issue but the fact that I expressed what was inportant to me and he does it again the next day.I was pissed and we argued, he said I used profanity, spoke too loud(kids), and was disresepectful. This morning he told me "Ive changed and he knew it was coming". It really hurt my feelings, am I making too big of a deal out of this? the statement says to me, he had doubts about me and Im fake... confused???? let it go or try to approach it again?
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (18 March 2016):
 His comments, while not flattering, are hardly a vile insult. He meant you changed from the woman he first met, the one who appeared to be easy going and confident.
He knew this incident, or one like it, was coming because of those changes he started to see. You can't really fault him for thinking you'd deceived him, if that's what he thinks, because really you did, didn't you? You weren't exactly honest with him from the beginning about your expectations, because you knew if you did, you wouldn't get a second date.
Maybe it would help you to remember what dating looked like when there were no cell phones and act accordingly.
OP, we hear from so many women who have been 'abused' or 'hurt' by an ex it's a cliché. EVERYONE has been hurt at some point in their lives. If you want to stand out from the herd, then be a woman who is not defined by those past hurts. Someone who is fun, confident and easy to be with.
A
female
reader, miss frank  +, writes (17 March 2016):
Hi. I'm rather with the other aunts here...three months of dating or not actually, we are all too glued to our phones. What would happen if it he was working and left his phone in the car for the day? Would you be having a go about that too? I'm not sure what you mean with your justification of 'kids' in brackets...are you living together? Do you take care of his kids? If not its a pretty feeble attempt to give a reason that doesn't actually involve you as a reason he should have his phone on him 24/7 when the real reason is you don't like not having access to him at all times.
I would say his points of you've changed and he knew it was coming etc are more than just this....if this was an isolated incident I would be surprised given what occurred and your reaction to it. You may only have recognised it as unreasonable behaviour because of his reaction, but I'll bet there are other things which he has picked up on that hes finding too controlling and suffocating. I'd think about that if I were you and have a heart to heart with him, that doesn't play you as a victim and him as a baddy pr he will be defensive and you will accuse him, rather than genuinely understand what it is that is damaging your relationship.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, TEDDIEBERR +, writes (17 March 2016):
TEDDIEBERR is verified as being by the original poster of the question I meant:cheating isn't an issue and I'm not concerned about that.
24/7/365 access I will agree NOW after reading your response is too much and my past is causing me to be some what insecure without even knowing which is unfair.
GREAT points, I really made this bigger than it really was...smh... However I'm still hurt by the "u changed" and "I knew it was coming tho" comment (still in my feelings). lol
Thxs
Teddieberr
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (17 March 2016):
Someone in their 40's is old enough to remember what life was like before cell phones.
Would you expect anyone, let alone a man you were just dating, to run to a pay phone every 15 minutes just to make sure you knew he was thinking of you? Would you expect his coworkers to run across the construction site to take your call every time you needed reassurance?
So the man was unavailable for 5 hours. So what? Is that one of the 10 Commandments or something? 'Thou shall spend thy life forever on call'
Do you have any idea how taxing it is be constantly available for someone ALL DAY, EVERY DAY? For Pete's sake, you're not a 2 year old and he is not your mommy.
This melodramatic nonsense is just ridiculous. He didn't say you were fake, so stop feeling sorry for yourself. He was justifiably angry and you were totally out of line.
I suggest you leave the man alone, If he has any sense you'll never hear from him again and that will be the end of it. Use this time to re-evaluate your expectations of others and don't place unnecessary burdens on them.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 March 2016):
 I think I'd let him go. It's only been 3 moths and there is already THIS level of drama going on. Not something I'd ever expose my kids to.
You said cheating is an issue.. After 3 months? If that is so, why even bother at all with this guy?
Or do you mean that cheating has been an issue in previous relationships and YOU are still dragging those issues you have had with other men?
I will say this though... wanted access 24/7 is a bit much (If I can be honest with you).
I don't talk to my husband when he is at work. He quite often leaves the phone in the car instead of bringing it inside. If there IS an emergency, I call the office and they track him down. But in general... I don't NEED to talk to him while he is at work. What exactly do you need to talk to him about while he is supposed to be working?
You think if you can call him 24/7 he won't cheat? If so, that isn't logical. If a person WANTS to cheat they'll find a way.
As for his "fake" comment, I'd take with a grain of salt. He might actually have meant that the nice facade you put on in the beginning is cracking. WE ALL put on a nice "facade" when first getting to know someone. We ALL put our best foot forward. Does mean you are FAKE, as he calls it, it just means he isn't liking what he is seeing. And he might mean that.. or it's just EASIER for him to attack you than have a grown up conversation.
I'd walk away from this mess and rethink a few things.
If HE isn't the one who has cheated on you, you need to let go of that. Accusing someone you BARELY know of cheating because a past partner cheated is not right. You can't make the current partner responsible for a past partner's actions. It's irrational an unfair.
If you are insecure because of past cheating, then I suggest you WORK on getting over those issue or you will not have a healthy relationship.
And the whole 24/7/365 access, I'm sorry, that is just too much. YOU can't CONTROL a partner by having access to them 24/7. If you can't trust them, DON'T be with them.
Trust isn't instant. It takes a while to build. But you two shouldn't have such severe issues 3 months in!
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