A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Essentially, today one of our mutual friends asked to hang out while I was on some errands, so I told them I might meet them up if I get back in time.Well, I came back and turns out I had family visiting from another country, so had dinner around 7pm -8pm. By then, my "friends" have already left to go to B (hang out place). So I get a text from a different friend asking to hang around 9:30 and also go to B, which is fine because dinner is over by now, so I agree to go. I check snapchat and see that my other friends are no longer at B, so I didn't bother saying anything. (Which maybe I should have?)Later, when I get home, I check my messages to see my "best friend" calling me a liar and saying I should've just told them if I didn't want to hang with them. This completely came out of nowhere so I call her out on it and explain myself, even though I feel like I shouldn't have to?Then she says that last week I did the same thing by saying I had a dentist appointment (which I DID) when she wanted to hang out. That took about 2 or so hours because of the wait (small office). At this point, I didn't make any plans to hang out with my "best friend," and she didn't ask again. (Should I have?) Hours after the dentist, a different close friend calls and asks me to go to the rodeo with her because her boyfriend and friends bailed on her and she was upset and crying, so I go. I know I suck at communicating, I admit that's my fault, but I feel like I shouldn't have to tell her everything I'm doing? Say she did want to just see me, but it's not like I haven't seen her at all. I recently saw her three days ago and we have plans for this weekend. I just want to know was it wrong of her to accuse me of being a liar? Shouldn't she trust me more as a "best friend?" How wrong was I in this situation? I do reflect that maybe she feels I prioritize other people over her, but she does the same exact thing to me :/ Are we really not "best friends?"
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 March 2016):
Was it wrong of her to accuse you? Well, yes I think so. She could have been honest and told you how she saw things, and maybe she DID... But I can also see it from her point of view and yes, it DID look like you couldn't be bothered to hang with her at place "B" but when someone else calls you later on you are up for it.
IF you know you have plans one day, like the dentist, then you have plans. IF she CHOOSES to not believe you went to the dentist THAT is on her. You "could" have texted her when you were done at the dentist to see what was up, but I really don't think you OWE even a "best friend" to give her a minute by minute play of what you are doing.
I think she lashed out because she felt you couldn't make time for HER, but you did make time for other people. But she didn't want to sound pathetic.
So IF she IS your best friend, figure a way to make up. You already apologized so no more of that.
Some times plans fall through. It happens.
A
female
reader, Kate1967  +, writes (17 March 2016):
She's not your best friend.
She's possessive and non-trusting. It's a recipe for disaster. Find a new best friend or make it clear to her that you also have other close friends and she is not your "best friend".
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