A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I had a date last night with an amazing guy! We went out for drinks, ice cream, and to browse books at the local bookstore. After that, he invited me back to his place to play chess. We didn't get to play because we were too busy talking but then he reached out to hold my hand. Then, he kissed me and man, things really heated up... He brought me over to the bed and we basically dry humped each other. After a few minutes, he said he didn't want to have sex just yet. I'm so frustrated because he's really attractive and I'm the kind of person who doesn't care if we have sex on the 1st date or the 17th date -- if a connection is there, then, by all means, go for it, you know? ;) Most guys are usually open to sex whenever, wherever. Is he normal...? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, EmmyApple +, writes (29 January 2020):
Wow, I think you would appreciate that you found a man who doesn’t just want to get in your pants on the first date. You should appreciate that and respect his desire to go slow. Personally I would never have sex on the first date and I would feel very relieved to find a guy who is on the same page! You need to respect his wishes and give this more time. Women are constantly pressured to have sex on the first date, and their right to say NO must be respected. Well, it’s only fair that the same standard applies to men also. Obviously you would expect a man to respect your right to say “no” to sex if you didn’t want it. So you need to also respect his right to make the same decision. You can’t have it both ways.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2020): He's perfectly entitled to want to wait for sex, doesn't matter if he's a man or woman. Respect that.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2020): You should give him one more chance, maybe it's a performance anxiety thing. If it doesn't happen something is way wrong.
You can't get that close again and no cigar.
My church going, June Cleaver like wife and I did it on our first date. It's not a bad thing.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (28 January 2020):
 Nothing wrong with waiting.
Maybe he wants to build a deeper connection as opposed to fucking on the first date. Maybe he’s waiting back for STD results? Who knows?
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (28 January 2020):
 It was the first date, relax. He probably just wants to take it slow and give it a proper go before things get complicated with sex. He probably wants to see where it goes and see whether a relationship can come of this. Just because he doesn't share in your views with regards to this one particular thing, that doesn't make him odd. There are different kinds of normal. Ask yourself whether you want to be a potential fling or a girlfriend... Based off of your answer, you can decide whether you want to see where things go or whether this is just too slow for you and you can leave thereafter.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (27 January 2020):
 Chess on the first date that has to be 1 in 50 or less. Based on that alone I'd say he is unusual.
It's amazing how much better unusual sounds than abnormal. An even better word would be interesting. Interesting is the number one thing a guy can bring to a first date. I'd say that this guy nailed it. You can't stop talking about him or thinking about him. heck, you might even wait for him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2020): All men are not alike, all dates are not alike, and all people are not alike!
Maybe it is time for you to experience something different from the average or the status quo!
Everybody jumps into bed the first date! Then starts the drama!!! He just enjoyed the sex; while she expects a relationship out of the exchange. He doesn't call the next day, and she feels used and embittered. Even worse, they both play moronic headgames. He doesn't answer text messages, she blows-up his phone with a blitz of insults and emojis. Out of the blue, he finally answers with some stupid lie as an excuse; when he was actually checking-out some other gullible-female he was stringing along. She doesn't believe him, but won't ditch the jackass like a smart-lady ought to!!!
If he actually likes her, and begins a series of meaningful dates; then she goes deep into her bag of trust-issues. Digging-up all the crap other bad-choices committed in the past. It's the same-old, same-old!!! Damned if you do, and damned if you don't!
Seriously, girlfriend?!! If all the guys you've known were alike, that's because you might be stuck on a "type." It was a matter of taste and choice; so own it! If you only pick roses, you get roses; and if you only pick weeds, you get only weeds!
You think you know men, huh? Well this guy just blew your notions, theories, and stereotypes out of the water!
Can you handle the challenge, or does it always have to have the same beginning leading to the same ending?
It seems he's attracted to you too! Physically, no-doubt! Maybe he wants to see what else will come of this? Learning to like somebody and taking hold of that feeling until it grows into something real and meaningful, takes time and deliberate effort. It helps when the feeling is mutual, and everybody's on the same-page! I know, my dear, that's totally bewildering! It's got you scratching your head!
My advice is to stick around and see where this is going!
If you're freaked-out, or stuck in a world where everything has to be predictable...take a pass! Don't waste your time, or his!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2020): Sounds like this guy is a charmer and he’s trying to make a genuine connection with you. By not having sex on the first date, he’s told you that he’s more interested in getting to know you and building a relationship than he is in having sex with you. Now every time you meet in the future, you know that he’s not just trying to get you in bed again. And when you do have sex, it will be better because you took the time to get to know each other and feel more comfortable.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 January 2020):
 While I get that you were attracted to him physically, that you were horny, I have to reiterate from YCBS's answer.... WHAT is your hurry?
He is NOT going to LIKE you better, or want to date you MORE if you have sex asap.
He is still a stranger. You had ONE date.
Maybe he is being smart and wanting to GET to know you. See if you are a good fit overall, not just between the sheets.
What you call a "connection" was all LUST. What he is hopefully looking for is more than that.
I would say have dates in public so you aren't so tempted to just jump his bones. GET to know him. LET him get to know you, not just your body.
If he is very attractive he won't have a hard time getting women into his bed. If you WANT to stand out and build this ONE date into MANY dates and perhaps something of substance, then get to know him, see what makes him tick, what are his values, hopes and dreams.
And holding off a LITTLE while might also make the first time with him more amazing.
Is he normal? Pretty sure he is, but he is also a guy with self-control and standards... not a bad combo. Maybe you should think about applying those too?
It's EASY to just have sex with someone, BUILDING a relationship, TAKING the time to get to know the person takes work, are you capable of that? Are you willing to share MORE than just your body?
You have more to offer than your coochie, I hope.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2020): Horray for you as you have found a good man.It is actually ok and normal not to have sex right away on the first date.Maybe this man actually respects you.Have you ever had that before? Do not be in such a rush for sex....maybe you would have a much longer happier time if you waited because it would be the real thing and mean so much more than just a good time.This does not mean he does not like you....quite the opposite.This man actually respects you....to me this means so much more than first date sex.Keep this one.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (27 January 2020):
 What's your rush? You've only just met. There could be many reasons for his not wanting to dive straight into a sexual relationship (although taking you back to his place was probably unwise in that case). Take a deep breath and let the relationship unfold. Plenty of time for sex.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2020): Just as you are entitled to how you feel he is entitled to wait if that's what he felt was right.
But no personally I would think he was being respectful to you and likes you enough to not and probably to see you again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2020): Maybe he's a decent guy and those are hard to come by and he just wants to get to know you better and doesn't just throw it about. I'd take it as a good sign.
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