A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HelpI've been with my boyfreind now a couple of months, so everything is fresh and new and we're getting to know things about each other.. Its all bliss apart from one thing... Sex!My boyfriend finds it hard to get and maintain an erection. He's only 30, doesn't smoke, drink or do any drugs. He's physcally fit as he's a soldier in the british army.When we finally manage an erection through manual stimulation, the sex is very fast and over quite quick which make me think he knows he can't maintain it??A couple of years ago he was nearly blown up by a grenade in Afghan.. It burst his ear drum and blew some teeth out. He tells me he also suffered burns around the groin area and that he had to have skin grafts. For these grafts he has to take Beta Blockers?? You're all going to think I'm awful now, but I can see no signs of a skin graft either on his upper legs, groin area or lower stomach area. I get the feeling its a lie to cover his problem??You may wonder why I think its a lie? Well when we first met I noticed he had the most wonderful teeth and he told me they were implants costing thousands.. They're not, its a plate! Which doesn't bother me as I have one myself..I really like this guy and I'm not bothered about a white lie to hide embarrasment, but it doesn't help to solve the problem... What to do???
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWould like to thank Reader MODnote.. I've done some more reseach myself... I get it now... I like this young man so I will take it 1 step at a time.. one silly lie at a time:)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2012): I was just meaning there is more to build the relationship on,not mean to make out your sex crazed sorry =P
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou people..
Jeni could you please read my question again... I'm not after sex sex sex.. I want to know how to approach these stupid lies that he's told. And in all honesty it bothers him more than it does me that its quite uncooperative :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2012): Modnote: BetaBlockers are more likely for high blood pressure but can cause impotence. But should still be taken as high blood pressure is more life threatening than impotence. If he is in the Army, serving normally and physically fit. Then the beta blockers are probably for anxiety. They can cause impotence and that might be why he is experiencing problems. As for the skins grafts. There should be some scarring from the site the skin was grafted from and the site that the skin was grafted on to. Thats pretty normal. So if there is no sign at all, then either he is telling fibs or the surgeon was much better than the ones I used to work with! Catching him telling a lie about his teeth, will make you more sensitive to things because you know he will lie about the little things, so what about the big things?!Just take your time with him and find out a little more before you invest too much emotionally. Some guys who have been through military traumas do develop post traumatic stress disorders. He might be one of them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2012): Ok so your boyfriend was almost blown to bits & had skin grafts(which by no means is light surgery) & your worrying about him lying about this?
Rather than be worried about the horrible mental scars he has to carry around with him?
Post-traumatic stress can do all sorts to people.
Rather than try & concentrate on the sex in the relationship,build the relationship in other ways.
As you said you have only been together a few months no need to make it all about sex,sex,sex already.
Has he been to counselling for what happened to him?
If not it could help.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 April 2012):
 Beta Blockers can affect erections. they are for heart and high blood pressure conditions...
MEN really think we judge them by their penis. and their ability to use IT during sex. no matter what we say to them they think if they can't stick IT in and KEEP it in we are not happy....
find OTHER ways to make love using mouths, hands, toys etc...
let him learn that you don't care about the erection and things hopefully will improve.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (5 April 2012):
 The most common cause for erectile difficulties with men these days is desensitization to 'normal' sex with a 'real' woman due to porn. It's rampant unfortunately, plus complicated by the fact that men are very reticent to consider it as a possibility and talk about it.
It could be something else of course, but this is the most likely candidate. You will probably know you are on the right track if you suggest it as a possibility to your boyfriend and he gets defensive and uncomfortable.
Here's a very good (4 part) video on the connection between erectile dysfunction and porn:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQHLF5BL9e8
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (5 April 2012):
 If he can have an erection, even one that will last only briefly, then the problem is not physical. It's most likely a psychological thing. Being in war does things to your heart and your mind.
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