A
female
age
36-40,
*esslee
writes:I am 23 years old and engaged to a man who is 30. We have been together for 4 years and have had a good sex life until recently. About a month ago we start having problems, where my sex drive is a lot higher than his and he is not satisfying me. Yestreday we had sex twice in the morning and than in the afternoon we started having sex but he could not stay hard. The same thing happened today. We had sex this morning and then I initated sex this afternoon and he could not stay hard while he was inside of me.Is he losing interest me??
View related questions:
engaged, sex drive, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2008): He is not losing interest in you. You are just tiring him out. I would have loved it if my wife had wanted sex 3 or 4 times a day when we were in our mid 30s to mid 40s. I liked 3 or 4 times a day, while my girlfriend (now wife) liked it only once a day and twice a day on the weekends. She has told me that most of her other boyfriends would only want sex once a night and rarely twice. Every guy is different, as are all women. It is rare that both partners are completely in sync. Most of the time one has a higher sex drive than the other. I gather from reading questions on various forums that it is normally the man who wants sex the most. The solution is to compromise. There was a woman in her 20s who wrote a question on healthboards a couple of months ago and wondered if there was something wrong with her boyfriend because he could only have sex 4 times a day and she didn’t think that was enough!!!!!!!!!!!
It takes a lot more energy for a guy to orgasm than a woman. My wife can sometimes have 4 or 5 orgasms in one session before she is exhausted, while I can only have one. That is not unusual. Most of her orgasms are oral ones, so I would think that your boyfriend should be able to keep you happy with good oral sex. His tongue doesn’t have to stay hard to satisfy you.
Since you say he has recently changed, there could be a medical reason for it. It could be some hormonal change that he is going through or just that he is naturally slowing down. However, slowing down should be a very gradual thing. As Smiles suggested, have him take zinc – 50 mg per day. Since taking zinc at that level or higher can deplete copper, it is also a good idea to take 2 mg of copper with it. He is far too young at age 30 to start taking things like DHEA, but perhaps he should have his level checked for that. If he has lower libido, loss of sexual performance, some depression, loss of strength and fatigue then he should have his hormones checked. Things like total testosterone, free testosterone, estradiol (an estrogen) and DHEAS. Since he is able to have sex 2 times a day, I doubt that hormones are a problem, but if the other symptoms are also present, this could be the problem.
Quote: “First off...A man (in his thirtys) shouldn't ejaculate more than 2 time a week. Slightly more for a guy in his 20s.”
Not to argue, but where did you see that? My wife and I have sex 5 to 7 times a week, sometimes twice a day and rarely 3 times a day. We are now retired and now have time for that whenever we desire it. She normally has multiple oral orgasms each session and I normally can have an orgasm every time. Oh, by the way, we are both 63. I have no idea what the norm is, but I have a difficult time believing that I could ejaculate more than 15 or so times a week (including masturbation) when I was in my 30s and the norm or limit for someone in their 30s is only twice a week.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2008): Dear Poster
I agree with "kinkydude"; he should learn how to orgams without ejaculation. That should solve the problem.
Herewith to links with great info on orgasm without ejaculation, tips and techniques.
http://www.whitelotuseast.com/MultipleOrgasm.htm
http://sexuality.about.com/od/orgasms/ht/htmalemultiples.htm
It will do no harm for him to have a good medical examination and a good vitamin supplement might give him some extra energy. (Some extra Zinc is also very good).
Hope this is of assistance.
Best wishes and vow, keep SMILING!
...............................
A
female
reader, jesslee +, writes (15 September 2008):
jesslee is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all the great and quick response... I think I am going to give him more time to recharge and see how things go..
...............................
A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (15 September 2008):
 i don't think he's losing interest in you.
I think his body can't keep up with your high sex drive.
I'm not a male, but i do think it takes a while for them to recover. haha
I'm envious! LOL.
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (15 September 2008):
Only twice a day - my god how do you cope!!?!?!?!?!!?
Haha, honestly, perhaps he's just TIRED!!
He's hitting 30, he's not like he is going to be a physically fit as he was when he was 19.
If you want him to have the energy and hormone levels and sperm reserves to have sex 5 million times a day then make sure he is eating lots of healthy stuff. Do research online and find out what foods are good for his manhood and stuff him full of those.
Give him a bit more sleep as well and make sure he's relaxed and there is nothing stressing him out.
I very much doubt that he woke up last week and looked at you and thought "hmm, I'm not fancying her as much this week as I did last week, perhaps I'll only have sex 8 times this week rather than 24."
If it gets worse and you talk about it and there is no reason for him suddenly to have "lost power" down there, then get him to the doctor as sudden erectile dysfunction could be a symptom of something else.
Check him for lumps next time you have your hand in his pants.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
A
male
reader, kinkydude +, writes (14 September 2008):
yeah i would agree to that. First off...A man (in his thirtys) shouldn't ejaculate more than 2 time a week. Slightly more for a guy in his 20s. How do you have sex without him ejaculating? He has to learn how to orgasm WITHOUT EJACULATION. That way there is little to no refractory period and he could make love to you for hours, days..whatever, without getting tired. He may be aroused
but if he's ejaculated too many times, he'll have a hard time getting it up.
So the key to making love lots of times and not losing a hard on is simply not ejaculating.
This is how: the guy should know his arousal levels. When he's about to orgasm he squeezes the PC muscles real hard and breaths in...sometimes it helps to arch the spine back. That way, when he orgasms, nothing comes out and he can go on...and the next day he shouldn't have a problem either.
The problem is in the number of ejaculations. Tell him he can't ejaculate too many times per week. There are books on this subject, by the way...see Mantak chi.
Are you satisfied by oral sex? What satisfies you?
...............................
A
female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (14 September 2008):
 WoW! You GO GIRL! Sex 2 to 3 times a day? He sounds like "Superman" to me. LoL. But maybe he is running out of steam sometimes. It doesn't sound to me as though he is losing interest. I don't think you have to worry about. But you can't expect him have a botttomless pit of energy. A lot of women would be happy with at least once every other day. Relax.
...............................
A
female
reader, Petalsweet +, writes (14 September 2008):
He could be a chronic masturbater and got use to his hand.
...............................
|
