A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I don't know where to start but here it goes... A year ago I was going through a separation with my husband. I began seeing a fellow co-worker as a casual fling. He pursued hard and we eventually began dating.We broke up on and off over the course of 11 months. However we fell in love. The last few months we became very close. I found out I was pregnant. He was soo excited. We were on cloud nine.Why we broke up, my ex husband contacted him and said MANY MANY things. Many lies, but some truths. He got so confused and lost trust. He was hurt by everything that was said. I did my best to make things better. But after two weeks he got drunk and broke things off horribly.I didn't know what to say or think. It's been a month now. I wanted to give him some space so have made no comment about what happened. We had sex a few times and every now and then he reminisces about our past.So I finally brought it up and asked if there was a chance for us. He said give it time, he still has trust issues.So my question: is he letting me down softly? Any other time we got back together with in 24 Hrs. I'm so scared I'm losing him for good. So this month seems like eternity. Every day he says he loves me and is soooo happy I'm the mother of his baby. He has not brought up 'us' at all. I did finally. Sorry soooo long. Any opinions?Is there still hope? Or do I need to stop hoping every day?
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (6 December 2009):
 Your husband got involved in you relationship to break it up. Your boyfriend has to understand that a lot of jealousy was involved there, and he fell for it.
Had your husband not got involved, you would have had time to develop your relationship with your boyfriend.
I think it will take some time, but if you are gentle with him and talk to him about all the things that have changed in your life ... the things that make you very different from the wife that your ex-husband knew, to the woman you are now; that should help change your boyfriend's mind.
He has to know that yes, you are the mother of his child; and you want to give him more than just a child but a family.
And because of that, there's no one else in your world but him and the baby.
One of the best arguments you can make with him is that you would not go through any of this except for the beautiful things he's put in your heart and that you want to make your relationship with him very special in every way.
Just remember, his insecurities involve your ex-husband's interference with his love for you. This confusion is the reason why he's grown desperately confused.
Remember that trust involves a great deal of intimacy; sharing your life with him and making him understand that he has changed you in so many ways that you don't even vaguely resemble what your ex-husband described.
Be sure to tell your boyfriend what was a lie and what was the truth and why there's a difference. Its the warts and all.
And finally, remember your boyfriend was not born yesterday, he too has a past. One that you probably don't know about. I'm sure if you talked to some of his ex-loves, there might be bad things said there too. What you choose to believe and what he chooses to believe probably doesn't pan with reality.
Look your boyfriend in the eye, be good and gentle with him as best you can and tell him that he makes you want to be a better woman for him; and that you want him to be a better man for you. That's all. When you make things in such a way that you can be happy together, you will be happy together.
That's all you can do.
Good luck and I hope he listens to you. It seems he's captured your heart and you're giving him something very precious -- a child.
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