A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes: I have been with this man for going on three years,he shows me in many ways that he truely loves me,but he wont marry me or even make plans,he just tells me we cant aford it.that makes me think all he wants is a clean house to come home to and someone to cook.before in the past he had other women live with him am I no diffrent that the others?he knows how imporant it is to me but still he makes no comitement to me .should i move on I'm begaining to belive maybe i should because i myself need to know he cares about me enoufe to make me his wife is he just useing me???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): I think that three years is enough time for a guy to figure out whether he wants to marry a woman or not. If getting married is important to you (which it sounds like it is), then it's probably time to move on if it's not his cup of tea.
You say you cook and clean-- do you do all the cooking and cleaning? Maybe ask him to cook meals on the weekends (or his days off), see what happens? If you don't get an engagement ring, you should at least get a few home-cooked meals out of the bargain! :D
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 December 2009):
 I wondered if that might have been the case. Well, to our couple, I guess it's to the both of you now, I just want to say something that I feel very strongly.
If you have been together for this long, then by now you should know and understand each other. Well, if you don't understand each other, you should spend every day TRYING to understand each other.
Life has a very ugly way of taking things away from us when we least expect it. Health, life, happiness, friends, parents, children. Don't put things off because you are scared of the future. The future may never come, and all you'll have as a legacy is fear. That's not good enough. You don't want to look back on your decades here and say, "I wish I had...." You want to look back and say, "I'm glad I did....." or "I shouldn't have done....." The point is to DO, to get it done.
A good man who loves you is a treasure. So is a good woman who loves you. Take care of each other, love each other, forgive each other, and for heaven's sake, have joy in your time with each other.
My very best wishes to you both.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): Tisha, you were right on the money. Apparently this poster's man did respond in the below follow up. So all we can say here at DC, is good luck to you and your man, Sally. Take care now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmy man responded to my question , as sally i guess he thinks after going on three years i should wait three more years for a comitment,i love him so its worth the wait,maybe i have been putting presure on him but i'm not getting any younger and i'm not a secure person because of the way i've been done before,i know it's not his fault but i can't help it.thank all of you who answered,and i hope youll find the love of your life like i have .i love my man with all my heart and soul even if he doesnt want to marry me
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2009): ooopsie! No confusion here, Tisha I think this poster just answered his/her own question...
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 December 2009):
???? Well, that follow up was confusing. Is this the man?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questiongive the guy time he probably truly loves you sounds like your putting a lot of stress on him beleive me girl good men are hard to find try not pressuring him for a while and you will probalby see a different guy sounds like you nhave a really good man if you give him up let me know, sally
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (10 December 2009):
If he's making you happy and makes you feel loved, then that is the most important thing.
Have a think about WHY marriage is so important.
If you want marriage then leave him and find a man who wants to marry you.
If you want a man who loves you, makes you happy, and wants to be with you, then figure out if your man is up to the job and then stay or go.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (10 December 2009):
Some people don't believe in marriage for numerous reasons. Some are very scared because it has gone wrong before, some just don't believe it works anymore. Your guys seems to be a bit of a commitment phobe to be honest. He's had a few other women live with him before and he didn't marry. I don't think he will now, either. So you need to decide whether you can be happy being with him or not married, or whether you would prefer to marry, in which case you need to move on.
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A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (10 December 2009):
 Why do you have to get married to be happy with him? I understand that it would be a dream come true but marriage is only something we are brought up to believe is a way of confirmation of our love between one and other. In law you are living together which classes it is a defacto relationship, nowadays exactly the same thing as marrage but without the expence and without the certificate.
Yo are together and that's what's important right?
If it really is that important to you then you both could set up a weekend and do it in style and go to Las Vegas. It's alot lower in cost and you both get what you both want. Make it a fun thing to do!
If that does not work then maybe it might be worth seeing a relationship councellor to help with both of your reasons for your differences. I would do that before you walk away from the whole thing because it means that you tried, and if you tried your very best it means it would be easier to walk away with no regrets later on.
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