A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hello all, i have a quick question and would really appreciate some thoughts on it. im in a long term relationship 11 yrs and my gut instinct tells me that he is just tolerating me for the sake of an easy life , its not anything in particular but i always manage to do something to annoy him or upset him he hates that i smoke, my friends, the fact i am impulsive and often do things without thinking, and he says he hates when i shreak at him. i dont think i do though im worn out, i could stop doing these things and have tried but there constantly seems to be something for him to go on at me about and its exhausting. he laughs with everyone else but seems ashamed and discusted by me i hope im not paranoid when i say i want to end it he sems to show his feelings untill we get back together then he says we can make it work if i would just stop doing or stop being whatever, thanks could do with outside opinions to clear my head xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): 11 years is a long time for this to go on don't you think?
If after 11 years he hasn't accepted the person you are, belittles you and makes you feel like this then that's too much. I'd recommend you go to couples counseling, this is an issue that has made you break up in the past and it's one that isn't going away. You can't change who you are and he can't change who he is either. But counseling might find an underlying issue. If you've made it 11 years together and want to make it work then go get the help of professionals, they'll be able to get to the bottom of it and they'll help you decide whether this relationship is salvageable. Is this feeling you've had going on long or has he changed? Have you changed etc. If this is a long term problem going on for a few years or most of your relationship then you could have a bigger problem. Counseling will get to the bottom of it.
You shouldn't feel like this in a relationship it's time to figure things out, it's time you looked more deeply into this, your future and what you want out of life and whether this is it for you.
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (24 January 2011):
 Someone should love you for who you are, not have their love be contingent upon changes. That's bullshit. That may be his way of showing love, but I think you should look for someone who shows you love in a way that doesn't make you feel worthless about yourself.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): it sounds to me like you've lost your way a little. I'd maybe suggest you both need to sit down and have an honest and open conversation with eachother about what exactly irritates you both -without getting into an arguement- the fact you are seeking advice suggest's to me you care about him still but you said you've been together for 11 years, relationships need a lot of work, from both parties involved. remember its easy to take eachother for granted, could you do more to spice things up a little? suprise him? show him that you love him rather than just telling him? to make a relationship work its essential to fall in love several times, but always with the same person. Rediscover that spark!
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