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anonymous
writes: I have been going out with my boyfriend for about a year and he has exams going up and is stressed. He takes it out on me and has said he hates me relgion. Is it stress or just plain rude? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (10 May 2005):
 I tend to agree with datinghaven. Being stressed can certainly cause people to react in unexpected ways and to snap at others, but that doesn't excuse it.If he does that to you again, speak up. Tell him, "I know that's just the strain of your exams talking, but please try to be civil to me". He should be apologising, too, and trying hard not to do it.Saying that he "hates" anything about you - religion, the way you laugh, your dress sense, your family... it doesn't matter what - is pretty juvenile, and suggests that your boyfriend is a bit too young for a serious relationship. It smacks of an adolescent snapping at his parents "You don't understand me and I hate you!" Wait this aspect out, until you can find out if it's the stress that's making him say awful things. If not, I'd leave him and let him get on with "hating" someone else.To be on the safe side, try to be patient while his exams are running. Give him plenty of space so he doesn't feel smothered or crowded. If, when exams are over, he's not treating you with respect and kindness, just walk away. Plenty of people in the world can be rude and insensitive to you; you don't need to seek those people out as boyfriends and spend extra time being treated badly.
A
reader, wwww.datinghaven.com +, writes (10 May 2005):
I'm not religious but I expect religious people take great pride in their religion and it being more important I suppose then a relationship.If he can't respect your religion, your beliefs, then I don't think he has any respect for you, and you should leave him.Stress might cause arguments etc. and bad attitude etc. but also as when you take out stress, it comes out with anger, this bypass thinking such as if what he thinks would hurt/offend you, so he talks more honestly and open.Stress is not making him think that however much he will deny it when he has calmed down and not stressed, he obviously hates your religion. You need to sit down and talk about how it affects your relationship. It's unlikely to make much difference, but that is all abuse to you and for him to continue to say that means he has no (or not enough) respect for you. He needs to learn how to treat a lady with more respect!
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