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I'm almost 13 and he's almost 18 and my folks are freaking out!

Tagged as: Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 May 2005) 27 Answers - (Newest, 10 December 2009)
A , anonymous writes:

I'm 12 turning 13 in 7 days and I'm going out with a 17 year old boy who's getting ready to turn 18, and my parents won't let me go anywhere, do anything with him, even if people she trusts is there with us. My dad won't let me hold his hand.

It's really stresful for my parents to just see the age difference, when me and him don't mind at all. Is it illegal to go out with some one who's 18?

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A female reader, hmsgeneral United States +, writes (10 December 2009):

im dont think it is illegal, but i dont think its a good idea. he could be using you!! but i do think it is illegal to get married. :) good luck

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A female reader, St.Madonna..x United Kingdom +, writes (11 July 2009):

Wow it's amazing on how many people date older guys like me im 13 and i date guys who are like 17 and there aint nothing wrong with it just because they are older don't mean they always want sex other people who don't see that sometimes it's alright to date older guys are just hating on the fact that they have bad relationships or don't have someone 2 feel the same way about them as our boyfriends feel about us i don't think anything is wrong neither does my boyfriend sure parents are worried but the reason we date older guys is because were mature and last of all we can handle it

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A female reader, kubasichick95 United States +, writes (20 June 2009):

alright I'm 13 going to be 14 in July, i like this 18yr old and he likes me a lot, he will be going off to college soon and we have talked bout dating and stuff,and he told me that we didn't have to have sex but i know at some point its going to happen. my mom knows about it and he has talked to her and she lets him come over and stuff but i can tell she is till uncomfortable about it all and unsure,but i really like him and care for him a lot. his friends don't really like that we hangout and he is good friends with my older brother. i can tell that he is uncomfortable when my brother is around when we hangout,likes he acts different around my family but when hes with me he cant keep his hands off me:)

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A female reader, welshgoddess United Kingdom +, writes (11 March 2009):

I'm in a similar situation. I'm 13 (one month shy of 14) and he's nearly 18 :/. We were together last yr but our parents found out and it wasn't too good tbh! .. We are texting again and i really really really love him, couldn't want anyone else.

You are lucky your parents are allowing you to go out with him, I'm too scared to tell mine this time as i'm afraid of the answer :L

x

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A female reader, Addicted. United States +, writes (7 October 2008):

Addicted. agony auntim 12 and my bf is 18 and im

not sure what to do

but keep it a secret and im

sure youll be fine ive

been with my bf for 7 months and we are still

in love but dont do anythingyou

dont wantto and be CAREFUL!

3

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008):

hmm, ther is no crime against holding hands, so tell ur dad that. Mabey their just a little scared that u know, u might want 2 have sex with him.

Explain ur feelings about him 2 ur parents.

And tell u dad that holding hands in nuthing!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008):

HEY,

Ummmm....yea its VERY illegal but only if you do things you shouldnt be doing with him and sence your parents dont approve they might try to get him in trouble with the law and I know from experence that is not what you want to say when someone you look up to ask "why isnt your boyfriend with you?". I had a similar situation a few months ago with am older guy that I was dating. He was 16 and I had just turned 13 (im almost 14 now) but everyone hated our age diffrence. So when my 18 year old brother caught us.... well you know, he called the law on him. He was in jail for about 2 weeks untill I talked my family out of dropping the charges. If your wondering why im telling you this its just to let you know that we were lucky to get out of all that. So just be careful!!! Oh yea and happy birthday!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2008):

hii.

i have the same problem also like im 12 turning 13 in June and i have a boyfriend that is 16 turning 17 in august.

so were like 4 years apart.

and like he said that we don't have to have sex if i don't want to.

and maybe you can help me and i can help you.

contact me

aim-addictionxbby

[email address blocked]

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008):

im 12 13 in july im meting a 16 year old my dad doesnt know

my mum does

i found it easyer too tell somebody

if you realy love each other then it doesnt matter as much but just cheak he isnt using u 4 sex be careful

i think my boy friend is although we never have had sex sit your boyfriend down talk to him if he loves you that much then maybe its better too wait a year or 2 then your parents dont really have a say in i do they

if you think u r going 2 cope with your parents keep nagging about him then go ahead girl and try and reach what u want

but promise me u will be carefull and dont do anything you dont want 2.

luv jaz

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2008):

i had the same problem im 13 and my ex bf was 18 now 19 and we were in love and i want to far im not a virgin and it was mine and his first time then my neig. caught him climing out my window and told my mom our parents ment and his dad is the paster of our church and they swore he was an angle please . now we just dont talk me mom never took any one to court but if she did the would have ruend his whole life i still think about him it been 5 months

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007):

Okay yeah i just turned thirteen and my ex b/f broke up with me recently. He said that he didn't want to go to jail and he was going to wait for me. Well he says this but he is with another woman that has a baby by another man. He is going to help her take care of it. You should add me on msn so we can talk: [REMOVED]. We are going through the same things and my mom freaked out too. She was so mad, it made me mad too.

(Mod Note: email addresses and other contact information will be removed. If you want others to contact you, you can sign up for an account here and use the internal mail system. Also, proper punctuation and spelling isn't really that hard, especially for a 13 year old wouldn't you say? =] )

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2007):

sweetie i'm 20 now when i got with my ex i was 14 and he was 19 my mom and dad freaked i got pregnant when i was 15 and to tell u the truth i wish i would have listened to them all he wanted was a piece of ass then we broke up and my kid is without a father so just be sure its love before doing anything ok and u know your parents usually know what they r talking about

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2007):

Babe , i have the same thing , im 13 and hes 18 , hes worried like hell "I dont wanan go to jail" We havent had sex , where just a couple that acually love eachother.

Just be careful! , im seriouss.. Well i bet he loves you , and you love him alot!.. Well if you wanna talk about this i give great advice for a 13 year old. haha

add my msn , [email address blocked]

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007):

HELL YES IT'S ILLEGAL. ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND??? DO YOU KNOW THAT THIS MAN CAN GET ARRESTED IF SOMEONE NOTIFIES THE POLICE THAT HE'S DATING SOMEONE UNDER AGE? I BELIEVE THAT IF YOU GUYS REALY GOT FEELINGS FOR EACH OTHER, YOU SHOULD WAIT AND GET BACK TOGETHER WHER YOU'RE AT THE RIGHT AGE TO BE WITH A MAN THAT OLD.

can you not use all caps next time pls

xxx

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2007):

If you love eachother, it doesn't matter. Age is jsut a number.

Sure you can date and all, (hey, you're both teenagers, right?) but wait until you hit the age of consent before doing anything "extra". This is usually 16-17. It can be as high as 18 or even higher so check your laws for the state or country you live in .

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2007):

hi im 14 year old cummin up 15 in december and i really like this 18 year old. he is lovely to me and they is only 4 and a bit year difference between us . he is cummin up 19 in august . what should i do when i like him and im almost certain he likes me ?. x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2007):

Hey, i was in the same situation as you were a while ago.

I'm twelve, my boyfriend was 18. We were 6 yrs and 1 month apart. We were the cutest thing ever according to all of our friends. He broke it off -- because he thought it was illegal, dating and all, i don't want to see you get hurt -- even though i don't know you.

I wish you luck, really.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2007):

Im 18 and im going out with a 14 year old, yea we get some shit sometimes but aslong as your man has the right motives, ie he han wait till your at least 16 before you guys have sex, i cant see any issues with ya relationship.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2007):

he is much older than you,find some one else

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A female reader, lewdness +, writes (10 October 2005):

Hi I am 13 and my boyfriend is 18 we are in love i just want you to make sure you are in love before you go head over heals on the age thing me and my b/f both feel its just a number and it doesnt mean anything. please make sure you are in love and he does love you and you know why hes into younger chicks not chicks his own age and if you have sex plz use every thing you can to pre-caution your self! please reply to me we are both 13 and we are in the same situation! remember that and again please reply

thx for ur time, Lewdness

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2005):

I can see why your parents are freaking out He's a cradle robber you are not of legal age you are still under 18 until you turn 18 you are under the legal age of being a MINOR and he is turning 18 which will classify him as an adult and that my dear is called staturory rape and you can get a prison sentence for such an offense. Think about it holding hands will turn into holding each other and that will turn into having sex. YOU ARE ONLY 12 GOING ON 13 if you get pregnant now or in the near future you will be having a kid at 14 or 15 are you ready for that. YOU ARE A KID YOURSELF. Use your head girl, go for someone your own age or wait til you grow up.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2005):

it is legal but don't rush yourself into things because he is older than you and you have to ask yourself one question is this actually love or is it just puppy love??? because you are only 14 and you still have your whole life to look for someone it doesn't have to be somebody older either...just have a steady relationship when YOU are ready ok

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A reader, LoveDoctor +, writes (14 May 2005):

I know what you're talking about I'm 13 coming 14 and I know you want to feel like you can do anything with him, but please if he ever pushes you into sex even when you are 16 and maybe still be going out with him, chuck him. You want to have sex because you want to, not because you're pressured into it.

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A reader, star3482 +, writes (11 May 2005):

its legal to go out with him but sex is not. young men his age are usually after a little more than holding hands, please oh please dont sleep with him! wait till you're at least 16 and do it with someone your own age who isnt too old to intimidate you - i can see exactly where your parents are coming from - i can imagine that having a daughter at your age with a guy at his is devastating for your parents!

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A female reader, Bev Conolly Australia +, writes (11 May 2005):

Bev Conolly agony auntI worry about the motives of someone his age, who would date someone your age. He has to know that sex with you is illegal in almost every country in the world and that he can be thrown in jail for it. It doesn't make any sense or him to pursue you, unless he's hoping to take advantage of a very young person's innocence and vulnerability and trusting that you won't tell anyone about it.

He should be dating young women his own age, and, in my book, you shouldn't be dating anyone at all, yet.

Your folks are just looking out for you. Although you might think you have all the answers, you might find out the hard way that you're diving into the "deep end of the pool" without knowing how to swim. They suspect your boyfriend of the same things I suspect him of. And your parents just want to make sure that you don't end up heartbroken, pregnant or both.

Listen to what they say... they've been there and they know whereof they speak.

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A reader, brutaltruth +, writes (10 May 2005):

personally babe i think he's bang out of order and i think it's a bit inappropriate as a relationship. I am not being a patronising cow becasue i have been there done it worn the t-shirt. I have always been into older guys (even now!) and while you may be able to hack it short term- even if you are comfortable to have sex with him (even though its illegal) it is inevitable that at some point he wil move on faster than you ie..get a great job flat whatever, his needs will change and the next thing you know you are dealing with a broken heart even though ilitially the relationship was right for him. Also being younger how can you keep tabs on him? I ended up at the clinic when i was 16 which was not fun becasue he had been with lots of girls behing my back

PLUS !!! with the greatest respect in the world- even if you have a womanly body doesn't it freak you he is attracted to a more child like body? That would totally freak me! The bottom line is you are still a minor he isnt and therefore its not really on.

If its sexual experimenting you want- find a guys whos younger and enjoy finding out what its all about together! You dont have to have full blown sex to have fun!

PLUS personally i dont think a woman should ever have sex unless she is definatly going to get an orgasam - so enjoy finding out what thats all about on your own rather than letting and 18 year old over sexed jerk mess you up.

Ps if you are going to ignore all this anyway PLEASE use a condom!!!!!

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A reader, wwww.datinghaven.com +, writes (10 May 2005):

Its sick imo.

5 yrs is abit of a gap, but if you love each other that isn't an issue.

An 18 yr old cant have a proper love relationship without having a sexual side to it, and 13 is likely to be under age in your country which is illegal, in the UK it is 16.

OK, it might not be sexual at all and no law should stop you using your own body to do what you want to do.

With no disrespect to yourself, im sure you are pretty, good personality, gr8 to talk to etc. and even though at 13 you are going through puberty, he has developed alot and you have not, i dont just mean private parts i mean also emotional, experience, more grown up etc. it leaves the big question (i am sure your nice, but) why is he going with a 12/13yr old when he can go with someone his age or older?? Where sex is legal?? If you are in the UK you would be in yr8/9 i believe at school and he would be at work/college/uni/6th form??

Is he also seeing someone else his own age??

Anyway, wish you luck, i hope you understand you're parents are being cautious and are looking out for your safety and well-being even though they seem just to be mean, alot of people in that situation the older bloke takes advantage etc. of the alot younger girl and then leave and break the girls heart, even though this probably isn't the case, I advise you to wait for sex til you are more developed and the legal age.

As a young person myself (18) I understand all this Age Discrimination stuff, age is just a number, but when you are older you get more wiser as you understand more by experience...so some of these questions i asked are for you to be wary...and not a criticism, im trying to be nasty to be nice (a). (people done that sort of being mean/stab at me before and at the time i was like "what a tw*t", but looking back you think s/he was right..s/he was only tryin to open my eyes more (if you know what i mean)[with the exception of teachers])

An example, the last two years i have made mistakes at doing business deals, at the time i thought i was doing right, now looking back i think what an idiot i was, and im sure this is the same with everyone when they look back overtime on anything like relationships etc.

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