A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:k so my boyfriend broke up with me.. but i really just can't get over him. he told me he loved me every night but then he went me a message saying he's getting burnt out and that he needs to mature more before having a serious relationship and that he likes to be single.. the night he broke up with me he kept telling me not to cry and that it'll be like we never broke up and just not to worry is just dragging me along till he finds someone else?? please help
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male
reader, jimrich +, writes (13 September 2010):
IMO, you need to take the focus off of him: what he wants, what he is doing, etc. and put the focus on your self. What do you want? What are you doing in the relationship? How are you getting what you want? Do you know how to ask for what you want and communicate that to your partner? and a lot of other questions that come up in all relationships.
Most folks simply do not know how to make a relationship work well and so they stumble along hoping the other person either knows or will come up with solutions and guide them.
He may be just 'dragging' you along but the point is: are you going to allow that and settle for being a helpless little victim?
I suggest that you google: relationship tips or relationship skills or go to any book store or library and get started LEARNING exactly how to be in and make a relationship work. Look for anything about relationships.
You will learn how to effectively communicate your desires and wants, how to set boundaries on others behaviors, how to deal with various issues such as: respect, loyalty, honesty, communication, sex and a lot more than can be covered in a little forum like this.
The whole point is to arm yourself with just a little bit of useful KNOWLEDGE so you are proactive in a relationship and not someone's helpless, ill-informed little slave/victim. When you KNOW exactly how to make a relationship work, others can not fool your or take advantage of you as is the case now. You will be stronger, more informed and act intelligently & assertively with any partner you hook up with.
If you see no need to improve or enhance your understanding of how a relationship works, you will just have to be dragged along and take your chances in helpless ignorance like almost everyone else.
good luck learning how to make it work.........
Jim
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (12 September 2010):
 Don't you dare sleep with this guy while you're not going out with him... seriously, he'll use you whilst still looking around for someone else to move on with...
Don't give in, no matter what he says to try and "woo" you.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (12 September 2010):
 "It will be like we never broke up" means we're still going to have all the benefits of a relationship minus the title and the obligations to each other. In other words, we're still going to have sex, be friends, and kiss, but we're not together. More or less friends with benefits till he finds a new girlfriend. Don't fall for this crap. He broke up with you and wants to be single by all means let him have it. I always say give him the space and freedom he wanted, drop connection, and find yourself a rebound. Then maybe down the road he'll be mature enough to be friends.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2010): It sounds like he doesn't want the relationship anymore but he cares enough for your feelings that he doesn't want to hurt you (as if it doesn't hurt, I know--but he sounds like he's trying to be nice about it).
Give him time, he may come back. But drama will surely send him running for the hills.
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