A
female
age
36-40,
*usiemusic2
writes:Hi i have been with my boyfriend for just over a year and i love him so much we do have a great time together, however until i met him at age 18 (he is 18 also) he had never taken part in any physical activity including masturbation as he had a very sheltered childhood. Things such as hand jobs and blow jobs were new experiences for him and for quite a while he seemed to really be in to it, yet he showed no interest in me. A few months ago i was looking on his history part on his computer to find a website address i was looking for and i came across loads of pictures and videos of half naked men he had been looking at including things such as gay kisses. I was so shocked and felt sick with worry and when i comfronted him he said i only look at them because im jealous of the way they look compared to me, however something told me this was not the case and he was looking at them when he was masturbating. The problem is as he had a sheltered lifestlye he doesnt know really what to do and he only recently has started doing things like fondelling my boobs. I realise i have to patient but i can only take so much and part of me is now thinking is he gay? is that the reason why he is not interested? Anyway i didnt fully believe him despite his word (which i know was wrong) and i knew when he masturbated as he would alwyas say aww im going to bed. When he actually went to bed he would ask me to turn off the computer and when he was actually taking part in other activitys he told me to leave it on, i then began at every oppertunity to check what he had been looking at and found it was these videos. I was so worked up and eventually when i had had enough and was so upset and screwed up about it all i decided to comfront him. He was angry upset and everything with me and said i had broken his trust and that i had no buisness snopping around and i obviously didnt love him and things, but i love him with all my heart. I was so upset and i knew i didnt want it to break up as we still do have a good time. Yet it upsets me that its all take and no give with him. Even when in bed, up until recently he would hide his face under the duvet cover when i was giving him a hand job. He said to me when i comfronted him that i needed to trust him and that he wasnt going to stop looking at the videos just becasue i wanted him too as he wasnt using them for any sexual purpose, but i still cant help being unsure and looking every so often at his computer history. He is most of the time very caring and does constantly tell me he loves me and hugs me and things. I think maybe the reason he is scared of moving further is he doesnt know how but i want to reassure him. A couple of weeks ago in bed i had my underwear on and he was erect and he started pushing down on me with his penis, however he had had a lot to drink and i always feel that when he drinks its the only time he actually does become aware that i am a person with needs as well. We were very close to sleeping together that night however we ended up just hugging close and then me (as usual) masturbating him. I said i was worried that our relationship would be at the same i masturbate and give you blow jobs stage a year later to him and he broke down, he said he didnt know if he was ready to sleep with me. The thing is thats not necessarily what i want and i wouldnt dream of pushing him but fondling from him to me would be good. However when i said there are oppertunities other than sex he said he didnt really know what to do and what they were. Is this just an excuse. He also said he didnt really know exactly how to have sex and when i looked at his history in one of my paraniod moments again it did have a website which explained how to have sex and whether you are ready. We are both now 19 and i miss being in such a sexual relationship and it really upsets me to think he masturbates to these videos. I however love him so much and have never been so close to someone in a relationship. Do you think he might be gay or am i being unfair and paranoid? please help i really am at the end of my terror and this worry is making me ill! thanks susie
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female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (4 November 2007):
 Hi there,
First off, I doubt your boyfriend is gay. There is always the possibility, but I still doubt it. He may be curious, but seeing as he's had a very sheltered childhood, that's no surprise.
It sounds like he's simply not ready for sex. I wouldn't push him into it, or else you'll only confuse him more. Remember, all of this intimacy is totally new to him. At least you have had a sexual relationship before! You've probably had quite a few years of kissing and other experiences to build off of. It seems like he hasn't had the opportunities to explore himself sexually.
I think what it's going to take is patience. Go slow and don't make him feel pressured or he's going to get too nervous to perform. I assume he's a virgin? You want his first time to be special and comfortable, yes? Don't rush him.
Maybe it will take weeks, months or maybe years... but I think it's worth the wait.
As for the gay porn, I would mark that one up to curiosity. If he doesn't seem to ENJOY intimacy (kissing you, your breasts, your body, your touching him or anything else), then you can start to ask questions. Just let him know that you love him and you'll accept him for who he is.
In conclusion: patience is a virtue.
Good luck, sweetness!
xxIndia
A
female
reader, peaches83 +, writes (3 November 2007):
 Hiya hunny. Obvisioly you are stressed and worried.
Take into account he has had a sheltered childhood and all this is new to him. Teens usually experiment in the wuietness of their rooms with out anyone ever knowing and they either get over it or follow it up. I would like to say that this seems to be just that phase.
Sex is scary for both genders and a man that doesnt know what to do during foreplay or sex can be even scarier and demeaning in a way because people assume that they just do it and dont worry about whether they mess up etc.
You say you masturbate him does he do the same to you?
If not is this because he hasnt a clue or the confidence of how to do this?
Ok it may sound weird if you dont or havent done this before.
One way to build up his confidence and also to teach him if you like is to pleasure yourself infront of him.
Include him as much as you can.
Play with yourself adn then maybe place his fingers under yours and move them how yu like.
By doingthis you are showing him how you like it and not in a demeaning way.
Throughout tell him what you like and how you like it.
Let him know that you are enjoying it and dont get frustrated because he feels shy or does something wrong. Simply carry on either by yourself or wit him. He will or should get turned on by this.
Be paitent most of all.
Peaches
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