A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey,Well I'm 15 and I'm dating this guy who is 16.We both really like each other.However, he is a bit distant with me.I know he's only 16 but he has slept with a few girls in the past,and it doesn't bother me because that's his past and I'm not going to hold it against him.We have been dating for 2 months and he said he wanted to take things slow, and see what happens and I agreed to it, because I've never dated/gone out with/kissed a boy. I've done nothing, and I'm sure he isn't just going to use me for sex because I know I'm not ready and if he wanted to, he would've speeded up the process, instead of dating for 2 months.But he is black and I am indian and he has only ever been with black girls in the past, I know because he told me. And somehow I think he's supposed to act different with Indians or he thinks he's supposed to take things slow, and he doesn't know how to really act, even my best friend noticed, he doesn't know what to do. Because if he has slept with a few girls before the age of 16 it shows he doesn't really take things ''slow''.Were not any different, were all humans and I've told him that in a way to make him understand he doesn't have to take things extremely slow with me.He gets hesitant when it comes to hugs as well, it doesn't bother me because race is not an issue to me and it isn't an issue to him otherwise we wouldn't be dating, but something is holding him back and after all he is 16, so it could be because of my race.I don't really know though.What do you think?Thank you in advance.
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male
reader, andrew2008 +, writes (3 October 2008):
Usually its sign he really likes and care about you. Its not of your skin colour its just he is shy around you. Given time things will change.
I have to admit i was quite shy at that age as well and i used to find conversations with my girlfriend difficult like what do i talk about, etc.
Like i mentioned before things will change with time.
Good Luck
PS: don't have sex until you are ABSOLUTELY ready. It doesn't have to be soon, wait as long as you like. Try to talk to someone older before your have sex. If you can't talk to your mum try someone like a cool aunty.
A
female
reader, PsyCookie  +, writes (19 July 2008):
 I think he's seems more distant with you because he respects you more than others. Many people see Indian girls as smart, reserved, pure, and loving. Maybe he sees this qualities in you as well, something that probably he never saw in the other girls he dated. For this reason, he values you more and he may be afraid of messing it up if he gives in to his urges. He feels that you're a keeper and not just a piece of ass because this is what you have showed him.
Because he has never been someone like you, he doesn't know how to act around you. Probably in his other relationships, he was very touchy-freely, but since you may give the vibe of purity and respect, he wants to keep that vibe intact for a while, thus showing his distance to you.
But this is my opinion. The best thing you could do is to ask him about this. Tell him that you feel he's a bit distant with you and that you wish to know if anything bothers him. Try to not sound accusatory because he will certainly get deffensive and get mad.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (19 July 2008):
 Like you said, something might be holding him. But I'm not sure it's your race.
Also, I recommend that you never suppose what other person thinks. Ask. If you don't know what the problem is, really, you can never solve it, really.
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