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Is he hiding his feelings?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 February 2011) 3 Answers - (Newest, 21 February 2011)
A female India age 36-40, anonymous writes:

"I know him since my childhood (Family friends) .. but in between for few years we lost touch when he felt the country (some 8 years back) .. later again we got in touch through gmail and facebook. we used to chat once in a while . . (not often though, very rarely).

Now, im an 22 and he is 26.

Two months back when he came to India, we met and since then we stay in touch regularly chatting, messaging, phone calls .. now even after he went back to USA he calls me at least once in 2-3 days . .

I like him a lot since my childhood and I know he likes me too . . I love the way he treats me, he cares for me, makes me feel very special.. always concerned about me ...

I started developing feelings for him and i want to take it to the next level . I told him the same . . however, he told me that he adores me like a little girl he knows in school. and that he respects me and likes me a lot and that will remain the same forever.

this be so, I have a strong gut feeling that he loves me. ill list out my reasons below. I just want to know if he is hiding his feelings and if he like me ..

1. i have a feeling that he is not confessing his love coz, he once told me he will marry the girl his parents tel because he doesn't want to hurt their feelings.

also I feel he does not want to spoil the friendship between his mom and my dad .. they have been friends and are working together for the past 30 years . . so ..

2. since its a long distance the only way we can stay in touch is through phone calls and he calls me almost everyday . .

- why does he have to call me daily and talk to me for hrs if its just the care and liking ..

- he stays alone so he calls his friends also daily . . however he doesnt talk to them for long and im also sure that its not the same person daily .. he has a lot of friends . .

3. he cares a lot for me , insists on solving my problems and confusions etc . .

4. he also once told me that he does not want me to get disappointed in him ..

remembering, his words and his actions over phone and in person, I just cant accept that he does not love me . .

and after all this he still calls me and talks to me normally . . (of course I made it very clear to him that me confessing my feelings doesn't have to change what is already there)

he is kinda freaky about relationships . .cos he more a friends kinda person and he does not want someone to be clingy and hold him from having his time with his friends.

so I want to know if he has some feelings for me and he is hiding it for whatever reasons ..

OR

does he really feel im like his lil sister and I have interpreted his actions wrongly . .

do lemme know if ur need more info ..

Thanks You . .

P.S: I gave it a lot of thought . . Im very strong about how I feel . . im totally cool with the long distance relationship .."

View related questions: facebook, long distance

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A female reader, natmarie United Kingdom +, writes (21 February 2011):

natmarie agony auntAsk him how he feels!! no more confusion then. Trust your gut instinct and ask him!! Just say ' So, how do you feel? and he'll say' About what? and you;ll say ' me!!? !! if he brushes you off, and or pretends to genuinley does not get what you are asking, that means he does not feel the same, but you may get a nice suprise!! I had this situtaion once years ago. I was in love with a boy , a family friend .. I loved him for years. I didn;t think he felt the same. Turns out 30 years later that he did, but we were both to shy to say!! he told my Mum only last year but by that time it was too late as he is married with kids now. It was not meant to be anyway, but you have nothing to lose. Ask him!! let me know how it goes. Good Luck. :o) NatMarie xx

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A female reader, jbdream3 United States +, writes (21 February 2011):

jbdream3 agony auntBelieve me my friend, I know how you feel. 3 months ago I just got back with my long lost lover I had known on and off for nearly 25 years. I moved away from where I originally lived and we lost touch with each other for 15 years until just last November, he was able to somehow get in touch with me. Now, my phone number isn't listed, but he was able to find it over the internet and I can remember hearing from him when he called me, out of the blue. He even said he doesn't live that far from me and I never expected him to move to the same place I moved to. So, we started dating since that time, but all the things that have happened when we knew each other sporadically for the last 24 years popped up again. We are probably what you call Long Lost Lovers. I strongly believe that this encounter with him didn't happen by mistake or by accident for that matter and there's reasons for everything things that happen, although I am still not clear on why this encounter with him happened and a lot of the time I wish I did. All I know that the only thing I could think of is that it's irony and coincidence that we met up again after a separation that last for so long. It could also be that this whole fateful destiny is a lesson I need to learn. It could be that's why this is happening with you and this man you have known for such a long time. Does any of this make sense to you? I hope so. I'm glad I found somebody on here who is having similar problems with relationships like me.

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A female reader, Denise32 United States +, writes (21 February 2011):

Denise32 agony auntI do realize you want there to be more with him, but, you have to take seriously the fact that when you brought it up with him his response was that he thinks of you fondly as the little girl he knew in school. It doesn't sound to me as if he's got deeper feelings and is hiding them.

Not only does it sound as if he's being honest with you, but there is also the fact that he has told you he will marry the woman his parents choose for him.

He has told you he doesn't want to disappointment you. You can interpret that to mean he doesn't want to give you false hope (which he would be doing, if he were to say he loves you as a girlfriend).

Yes, he calls every day. He also calls his friends daily as well. Good friends do chat and talk about their lives together.

I'm sorry, but you and he are not on the same page.......

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