A
female
age
51-59,
*uliefofulie
writes:My bf of 2 years and I were friends in primary school, and we reconnected via a social network site. I hesitate to use the term "soulmate" but that's certainly what it feels like for both of us; and we feel very lucky to have found each other again and have such a huge love for each other, especially at our "advanced" age, and after each of us had unfulfilling marriages.We're both very sexual people who suffered through very un-sexual marriages. Our sex life is active, and imaginative, and very satisfying. We've been very open about our respective pasts (both very promiscuous in our youth), and have tried many things together that we always wanted to do but were afraid to ask of others. He's shared with me about his play with other boys when he was young, and how exciting it was, and how he would like to play with another man -- but only with me present. He assures me he isn't gay (which if he is, that's okay. Be gay and be okay with it!), but wants to be penetrated by and give oral to another man. This is always only discussed in bed, and truthfully, adds a lot to the moment; but he gets really embarrassed and won't talk about it outside of sexy times.My question is this: is he gay and just not comfortable with coming out? Knowing his family, I can see how that would be an issue. I really don't know where I stand on bisexuality, as my own thoughts about other women stopped in my teens. Lately his fantasies have escalated, the talk becoming more graphic and thought-out. I wonder what he's thinking about when his eyes are closed. I can, and have, penetrated him, so he's receiving that physical sensation of the fantasy, but I can't fulfill the, ahem, completion of penetration, and that seems to be what he wants. I fear it won't be long before he's scanning sites for anonymous gay sex.Can he really talk about all of this stuff during sex with me, and be so graphic and excited about it, and just leave it at that? Or is he really just deep in the closet?
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female
reader, Supersassygirl +, writes (2 October 2010):
 Does he look or say that he is interested in men when not in "sexy mode"? Do you encourage this "expression" or just deal with it. It sounds like he just wants to add to the moment, and might enjoy some mental experimentation. Does he seem to be into women, ie you? Does he care or try to turn you on with this or is it just for him and you play along? If he has been with you so long and experimental (very normal) experiences are left in his childhood and he is turned on by YOU than i would suspect all is ok. Talk to him and see if he really finds men stimulating or if he just likes to play with the bedroom talk and role play.I dated a man who loved talking crazy bedroom talk but i lead him down that path with my own fantasies, i would pull them out of him, and he was a great role player. It was very erotic but I knew he was doing it for me. I wouldnt put a whole lot of emphasis on sexy times talk, i would pay attention to his out of the bedroom actions towards men.Thats my 2 cents!
A
female
reader, juliefofulie +, writes (1 October 2010):
juliefofulie is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you, ladies! I'm just unsure as to whether his elaborate fantasies aren't hinting at something more. Given his family's attitudes towards homosexuality (which he does not share, btw), I can see why he would grow up hiding his true nature. But I guess I should just be happy he's found someone he trusts enough to share his fantasies with, I suppose.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2010): If this "adds to the moment", he might simply be responding to that. Fantasy is fun! Turning on a partner is fun too!
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A
female
reader, Sweet gurl  +, writes (1 October 2010):
you should try talking to him and tell him to accept who he is and be proud
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