A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 21 years and with my husband since I was 15. i have changed alot over the years and my marriage is one of best friends more than lovers. 8 months ago I began chatting with a guy on a social network site of a interest we both share. We have since developed a junior sport program helping local kids achieve their best in sport and life a passion we both share. We are both married and our friendship has always been just that. But recently my feelings for him have become stronger. We have never had any sexual contact in any form and both value the santity of marriage but our feelings are growing day by day. I value his friendship enormously and don't want to ruin that. I have told him my feelings and suggested that I discontinue my association with the program which I hate doing. We have quitened things down but he is so important to me. How do I get things back to a friendship base?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2010): Hi, if you don't mind, I would like to add something.
I really don't believe in affairs because I honestly believe people can most often work out their differences if they still love each other and affairs only cause pain. If they no longer love each other then I think its better for them to part and rebuild their lives and meet other people. If you are in a bad place in your marriage, I believe others will seem more alluring whether the reality of them is true or not.
I was sad when I saw your note to say that your marriage is over. I guess the risk in asking people on the internet for advice is that you are getting other people's opinions based on their values and experiences and not qualified counselling services. I would really urge you to consider marriage counselling with your husband instead of just giving up. I hope this helps.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2010): Thanks, how funny I read the replies and it became clear. My marriage is over has been for some time really. But it is also wrong to continue this very emotional affair with a married man with younger children than I. However, this man is the man of my dreams so connected, one who inspires me, challenges me, excites me so giving that up will be extremely hard.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2010): Repair things with your husband, work on the marriage, and the other stuff will work out.
You are ripe for the sexual side of the emotional affair.
Work on the marriage.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2010): If its getting to a stage that you have more then just feelings of friendship you should considering stopping all contact with him. You say that you value the sanctity of marriage so you must see that having an emotional relationship with him could be devastating to both your families. As someone who believes I am currently being cheated on in this way, my advice is either go all in and accept the consequences or pull right out of this relationship.
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