A
female
age
41-50,
*uffyquackenbush1
writes:I know a good looking, cultured, intelligent, highly educated, employed guy in his 40s. I am very attracted to him. However, he is kind of effeminate. He could be a metro. I found out that he lives with another guy and that they have lived together for a long time. He has a lot of female friends but that's partly due to his career, which is also focused on women's issues. Some people think he's gay and others think he has a partner but I don't know if they are just inferring this because he is effeminate and technically does live with a guy or if they acually know. Even if he isn't gay, he is a successful man in his forties living with a male housemate. They do go to lunch together sometimes or to pick up food and sometimes visit friends together. (I'm friends with their neighbor who hasn't lived there too long). Is he immature, extremely frugal? I don't think he's ever been married but I can't be 100% certain. I know I can just ask him out and find out for sure but if he isn't, would you date a 40+ year old guy who may never have lived on his own, or at least hasn't for probably ten years?
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female
reader, muffyquackenbush1 +, writes (3 July 2011):
muffyquackenbush1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just couldn't bring myself to ask so I thought I'd be smart and try to find out in an indirect way. Since I couldn't come right out and ask a friend of his, I just asked if he was seeing anyone. She said yes. So, I guess either way it doesn't matter bit I am still curious. I do know that he and his roomie have mutual friends who are a married couple. He and his guy pal go to the couple's house for dinner sometimes and visit with them. Do straight guys take their male friends to dinner or to visit friends like that? I guess I'd think you'd take your girlfriend and your friend with his girlfriend but I could be wrong. I MUST find out.
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (2 June 2011):
 lol there's really no way of knowing unless you come right out and ask. him having been married twenty years ago definitely doesn't make him straight. in fact, there's probably currently lots of people who are still married and secretly gay. just ask the guy if you wanna know. lol. may be somewhat awkward, but he'll appreciate your honestly.
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A
female
reader, muffyquackenbush1 +, writes (1 June 2011):
muffyquackenbush1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay. I think he was married when he was young-maybe about 20 years ago or more. So maybe the comment about the guy on tv not being married and therefore, gay, it's because he hss been married. The most confusing aspect is that a colleague, said that it's known he has a partner.
My question is, do they know he lives w a guy and infer he's a partner because he's effeminate?
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (26 April 2011):
it's possible. but i'm willing to bet my left arm still that he's gay.
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A
female
reader, muffyquackenbush1 +, writes (25 April 2011):
muffyquackenbush1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat if I said that he was in a position where letting people think he was gay would serve him? That is, his profession is such that everyone else is married. Additionally, he works with a lot of women and their issues. If people think he's gay, he can also get away with things like having relationships/affairs that others would frown upon but nobody would believe he was doing it because they think he's gay.
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A
female
reader, muffyquackenbush1 +, writes (25 April 2011):
muffyquackenbush1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAll things considered, I would have thought gay. However, I swear I've seen him flirting with women and looking at women in the way that a straight man wouldn't. I know some guys in their 30s who live together and they're not gay. I don't know anything about his past to know if he's ever been engaged or married either. As I think I said, the two of them could be cousins or just very good friends. The roommate will sometimes go away by himself on weekends but I don't know if it's work-related or not. Maybe he has a long distance gf. Do non-gay men visit friends together? Anyway, if he is NOT gay, would you date a man like this?
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (24 April 2011):
this guy has GOT to be gay. and to answer your two questions:1. was he hinting at being gay since he's in a similar situation? YES. haha.2. if you weren't gay, would you let your colleagues continue to think you were? most definitely not. i don't know any man who would.he sounds like a really cool, interesting guy! but he probably isn't into woman!
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A
female
reader, muffyquackenbush1 +, writes (24 April 2011):
muffyquackenbush1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, when I say effemimate, I mean his mannerisms and way of speaking. However, I know another man in his field who behaves in a similar manner and is married with kids. He does swish a bit sometimes when he walks. He has no lisp but his intonations are a little girly. One time he made a comment about a tv personality who was in his forties and unmarried, saying that, that person must be gay. He's in the same situation, so was that telling? He also said that he's not fashion conscious, and he isn't but that he'd been forced to watch Project Runway in the past. Well who forced him to watch? He is extremely neat and organized. My friend said she saw his office and she'd never seen anything that neat. Everyone who sees him for a matter of secomds thinks picks up on how effeminate he is. His hand gestures sometimes are also a little funny but as I said, I know someone else in hisfield who also acts like that. We were talking about music once and he he said as a little kid or teenager, he bought a Prince album because it was purple. On the other hand, I have seen him looking at women. Maybe he's bi. If you weren't gay, would you let your colleagues continue to think you were?
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (22 April 2011):
who cares if he hasn't lived on his own?he sounds gay though, but that's just my opinion. i mean, just how effeminate are we talking? yes some men are metro. but there's a fine line between metro and just flat out gay. if he's super effeminate, and i mean he has more fashion sense than most every female friend of yours, and he talks with a lisp, shakes the hips when he walks, and he is just down right pretty, then i am gonna just go ahead and say he's gay. but if he's effeminate in the sense that he takes time getting ready and ensures that he always looks good, that different. coming from someone who's quite familiar with the gay community, i feel like this guy is more than likely gay. but hey, maybe i'm wrong and you two will get married and have babies. best of luck!
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